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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

sex offender wants to see his son?

35 replies

pajamapants1 · 16/11/2013 21:26

My ex partner has recently being sentenced with 5years on the sex offenders register and a 3year community order for sex offenders rehabillitation. He rang me the other day saying he wants to see his son, social services have told him he's allowed. I rang ss asking if this is correct and they said yes, the only thing I can do is get a residency order and a no contact order against him. They said this is because my son was not a direct victim. Can anyone shed any light on if this is true or not? I can't understand why they would allow something like this?
Thankyou for any help! Posted on legal too but posting here for traffic.

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 16/11/2013 21:37

How old is your son (roughly if you don't want to give too much information)
Does he want to see his dad? Does he know his dad has made this request?
Is he old enough to make a decision?

Have SS offered a neutral, safe environment?

Shallistopnow · 16/11/2013 21:44

Were his sexual offences against children?

Were you on bad terms before he committed these offences?

Original poster
pajamapants1 · 16/11/2013 21:46

My son is 7, social services have offered nothing and no ones being very willing to help us, he hasn't seen him for 18months and has only ever called him by his name (by his own choice) he said today that he'd like to see him but he's a very young 7 he has called my husband dad since he was 3.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 16/11/2013 21:47

Make him take you to court for starters. You don't legally have to let him anywhere near your son unless the court orders access AFAIK.

Original poster
pajamapants1 · 16/11/2013 21:48

Yes it is in relation to young children but not physically. We always encouraged contact before believing it was in ds best interests.

OP posts:
Astarael · 16/11/2013 21:57

Wtf? This just seems surreal! So sorry you're in this situation. I can't help just wanted to add my disbelief.

Thanks
Original poster
pajamapants1 · 16/11/2013 22:06

Thanks, I just can't believe it myself. I thought the register was to stop them having access to children!

OP posts:
viperslast · 16/11/2013 22:25

It sounds right sadly. Your best course is to go through court but they seem to take the same stand ime. Imo it's wrong obviously but they seem to distinguish between hands on abuse and non hands on. Also seem to trot out the line that the offenders own children are at less risk (which is in direct contradiction to what everyone else seems to say).

Pan · 16/11/2013 22:41

OP, what was he convicted of? You say it wasn't physical but he is on a SO rehab course in the community. Was it downloading abusive images?

Original poster
pajamapants1 · 16/11/2013 22:55

pan, yes it was. He was charged with something like making indecent copies or something. He had nearly 2000 photos ranging between level 1-5. And 20 videos. Have you heard of a registered so getting access before?

OP posts:
Pan · 16/11/2013 23:05

Well, yes. The level 5 are the real pits.

Overall though, IF they were of young girls, or adult women in abusive situations then the argument would run that young boys are not in his sexual catchment. If there is no other evidences forthcoming that boys are in his catchment then I could see how SS are powerless. Not every SO registration is the same re the conditions attached to it.

I would do two things: contact the local police Sex Offender Management Unit. They police the register, and explain your situation. State to them that your ex- wishes contact, and ask if this is contrary to conditions.
Secondly, contact the probation office for where he is currently residing. Speak to the officer responsible for his supervision and tell him/her exactly the same thing. He will have had a 'treatment needs anaysis' and if contact with your son is contrary to that then they will v heavily dissuade him from contact. Ignoring that intervention means he is placing himself in danger of 'failing' his course and would be returned to court for sentence.

celestialsquirrels · 16/11/2013 23:09

Btw it can't be a 3 year community order - the maximum is 2. Not that it makes much difference.

Original poster
pajamapants1 · 16/11/2013 23:19

I only know what the snotty woman at the court told me. Thanks Pan will try that on Monday. Tried getting an appointment to see a solicitor yesterday but they said its £100 Ph! I feel like my sons been put in this situation and like I have no way to protect him when he needs it most.

OP posts:
Pan · 16/11/2013 23:20

No, a CO with supervision and a requirement for SO treatment can last up to 3 yrs. Suspended sentences with a requirement are limited to 2 years.

Pan · 16/11/2013 23:24

I wouldn't assume that SOMU, SS and probation are as well linked up as they should be. Ask them separately.
I wouldn't be at all surprised that his access entitlements are consistent with the conviction IF they do not concern young boys.

best wishes.

steppemum · 16/11/2013 23:43

I know of a situation where the father is in prison, he hadn't touched his own girls, but another child plus pictures.

Part of his bail (set by police) was no unsupervised contact with his own girls. At all points along the way it has been made clear by police and ss that they fully supported no unsupervised contact. As soon as he was convicted, the divorce went through with no unsupervised contact as part of the legal papers. He has an order that he is not allowed in the area they live in.

The only difference I can see is that he has girls and his offense was girls and in your case it is a boy. But I am really surprised at the difference in the two cases and think you ss are out of order.

CoconutRing · 16/11/2013 23:51

There is excellent advice on here for you OP.

I am sure that if you were to move in with a registered Sex Offender, Social Services would be banging on your door, ready to remove your DS for his protection.

viperslast · 17/11/2013 00:07

Steppemum the difference is that your example includes hands on abuse. That takes things into a totally different area.

steppemum · 17/11/2013 00:11

point taken viper, but initially he was arrested and charged with having child porn on computer etc. It was actually 2 years later before he was charged with the physical abuse and went down for that. But the same restrictions for bail were in place with first arrest.

I would second what Pan said though, I know that the wife had to point out several times that the Police had said no contact, as not all the other agencies involved were as linked up as they could have been.

pigletmania · 17/11/2013 00:12

That is dreadful, there was a simiar thread on here. Apparently it hapens often. I am shocked at a system that allows this

foreverondiet · 17/11/2013 00:12

You need to speak to solicitor - he should not have unsupervised access. Sad that lawyer so expensive, but need to saw that has to be done via court.

Pan · 17/11/2013 00:15

No need to go to a solicitor over this particular part of access. You will pay them a lot of money to hear the same things that SOMU/SS and probation will tell you.

pigletmania · 17/11/2013 00:15

My solicitor friend said that a child would be entitled to their own legal representation under legal aid, so something to consider

pigletmania · 17/11/2013 00:16

If the time comes and you need to

wherethewildthingis · 17/11/2013 00:23

Hi OP, sorry you are in this situation. The advice you have had from SS sounds poor. You need to get legal advice and don't let him have any contact until he applies through the court for it. At which point, SS will be asked to complete a risk assessment on him. Until that happens just refuse any contact.