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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To name my baby same name as my SIL's brothers child?

72 replies

CokeAndCrisps · 16/11/2013 14:48

I have never met her brother or family as they live abroad and have never been introduced to them when they come to visit my brother and his wife. Somehow though,(maybe through my magic crystal ball), I was supposed to know the names of all his children.

Since I told sil what I want to name dd, she's been taking the piss out of the name saying she knows some ugly children with the same name and that my brother has been laughing at how it rhymes with dd1's name, trying to put me off. She also let slip that it's her nieces name, so can't be used again. . She's just trying to make me hate the name so it's not used again.

Today I've been told again how my brother has been laughing at the name and that it's a really popular name now and everyone is using it. I've told her that I don't care, it goes well with my other two children's names and that I like it.

AIBU to name my baby a name that I love and my dd loves too. I feel like if I name her that name I'll be forever looked at as keeping a name to piss off sil.

(There is a long history between sil and I, loads of threads: the sil who told me not to talk to people at a wedding because all the women there were apparently richer than me).

OP posts:

NationMcKinley · 16/11/2013 19:24

She sounds like a giant, enormous PITA. Tell her to fuck off to the far side of fuck and stay the fuck there*

I'd be happy to come and do it for you.

*disclaimer - I may possibly have a tiny little bit of PMT

Retroformica · 16/11/2013 19:27

I would just tell her you are not going to discuss the matter with her again and it doesn't matter what she thinks.

quietbatperson · 16/11/2013 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 16/11/2013 20:32

AIBU to name my baby a name that I love and my dd loves too.

No, you ANBU

CaterpillarCara · 16/11/2013 21:15

It would only matter if you were all in a small town and likely to be in the same place all the time. Even then it might not matter that much. Ignore her.

SaucyJack · 16/11/2013 21:32

YANBU.

I don't find it weird at all tho that your SIL would find it hard work if both of her nieces had the same name. Not that you should take any notice of her rudeness or opinion, but essentially I can see where she's coming from.

Bumblequeen · 16/11/2013 21:36

Nobody owns a name.

I would not give my dc the same name as a child who I would have regular contact with however this person is so far removed.

I have heard of people falling out because one person 'stole' a name. Typical situation - two women discuss names for their future dc, one becomes pregnant and decides to use name that friend had mentioned. They then fall out.

peaz · 16/11/2013 22:12

DH had his heart set on calling DS1 Ben but we 'couldn't' because SILs SIL called her son that. I wasn't bothered on the name but it was sentimental to DH so felt bad. Stupid thing is, we've fallen out with SIL so hardly see her (and therefore we never see her SIL and the Original Ben)

There are three men in my family with the same name...one in his 50s in another country, one in his 50s here (they grew up together) and one in his 20s here. The ones here are uncle/nephew, and are very close. No confusion here.

MoreLifeInATrampsVest · 16/11/2013 23:02

I don't think it matters at all. In our (admittedly rather large) extended family we have two DC with the same name, one belonging to my DB an one to my cousin. They are different ages and totally different character wise so it has never been an issue.

Although, my DM's next door neighbours dog is also called this name and that can get a bit confusing in the garden as DN is only 13 months so needs similar commands to a small dog at times

Caitlin17 · 17/11/2013 03:04

peas sorry but why on earth would you care what your sister in law's sister in law thought?

MrsMook · 17/11/2013 03:25

My niece has 3 cousins with the same name and survives. Her cousin in her maternal family has nothing to do with me so is irrelevant to my decision making. There's a cousin in our side of the family that we rarely see, and have a different surname to. It's not particularly co-incidental as we've both wanted to use the name in memory of a relative who died young. For us, that over-rode the sharing issue.

We've got a few duplicate/ similar names through cousins and marriage. I'm about to have 2 Grandad Xs in the house for an occasion, which will be interesting for my toddler to process. Marriage has also linked uncle Ys. My name is similar to my cousin's and my SiL is the same as her's.

Unless you're being deliberately wacky for the sake of it, you'll never have a unique name. Certainly ignore childish bullying from a tenuous "relative". If the name is right for you, her meaness and stupidity will count for nothing. YANBU.

ravenAK · 17/11/2013 03:50

This definitely calls for a tinkling laugh & an 'Oh SIL. You're going to have to talk me through it again. There's these people we've never met who used the same name as we've chosen for dd2, & also it's a rubbish name because it rhymes with dd1's name, or something?'

If she rises to this & explains it all, nod solemnly & intelligently at intervals. Allow your eyes to be a bit wide & slightly unfocused.

Then say: 'Thank you so much. You're right, we'll go with our Plan B name.'

Have a completely ghastly & unthinkable 'Plan B' name ready. You & dh both need to insist staunchly that this will now be dd2's name.

If you see a lot of SIL, allow her to explain why you can't have 'Plan B' name, do the wide eyes & nodding again & have even more awful Plan C name ready.

Call your child whatever the chuff you want.

'Oh come ON, SIL. You didn't really think we meant it when we said we were calling dd2 Ghastlyname? What, you actually believed us? Really? I had a bet with dh that no-one could possibly fall for that.'

ZingWantsGin · 17/11/2013 05:14

tell your SIL " ah, I guess you're right.
We'll just use your name instead"

then use the name you want.

and cut this bitch out of your life!

nooka · 17/11/2013 06:25

Very bizarre to say such rude things about her own niece's name. I can see that it might be slightly confusing for your SIL, but as she is really the only person to be affected and given the very small likelihood for the two girls to ever meet or be in the same location at once it's hardly an issue. Plus if it is so common then both girls will probably be used to other people with the same name.

The main learning from this story is to once again say never share your names with anyone other than the other parent until the child is born.

I advocate Raven's approach, pick a cover name that you would never use to avoid the current irritating conversations and then when the baby is born call her whatever you like.

Squiffyagain · 17/11/2013 06:45

I'd say ' thanks for your views. It's a good job that I never give a flying fuck about anything that comes out of your mouth, isn't it?'

But it must be said conversationally, sweetly, and with a lovely smile. Ideally as you are just about to offer a delicacy, as in ' is a good job I don't give a flying fuck about anything that comes out of your mouth. Pom bear for you, sweety?'

MaidOfStars · 17/11/2013 11:29

I know the names (well, most of them) of my husband's sister's husband's (never been sure if this makes him a BIL?) siblings' children. I cannot imagine him objecting if I wanted to use of their names for our own.

FryOneFatManic · 17/11/2013 11:47

I don't even know all the names of my SIL's siblings, let alone the names of their children!

They are not part of my family and I've never met them, so it doesn't bother me.

Your SIL is being very mean. Use the name you like and don't back down.

FryOneFatManic · 17/11/2013 11:51

Posted too soon..

In our family, we have several family members and inlaws with the same male first name ( I think there's about 4 men all with this name) so we would try to avoid using this as a first name now.

But this is only because these 4 men happen to be in the local area and we see each other often. It can get confusing sometimes.

In the OP's situation, I can't see any reason why no to use the name she likes.

octopusinastringbag · 17/11/2013 11:57

If it's your SIL's brother then there isn't any reason why you can't use it. If you really want to keep them happy then use it as a middle name but I can't see any reason why you should do that if you don't want it.

liquidstate · 17/11/2013 12:22

Use the name. Honestly I don't know anything about SILs DHs family. Why on earth should I? Send enough ruddy Christmas cards as it is. She is being a bitch.

I am a great believer that it is OK for families to have several with the same name. There are lots of doubles amongst my cousins and we all think it great fun. SIL just had a baby boy and used the name I want as a middle name. Its a family name so surprised she didn't use it as a first name, it wouldn't have changed my choice at all though!

If you love it then use it!

pumpkinsweetie · 17/11/2013 12:24

Considering you don't know your sils brothers child, i cannot see a problem with using the name.

halfwildlingwoman · 17/11/2013 14:28

YANBU!
Against my wishes DP told his dad what we planned to call DS1 FIL hated the name because it's Jewish It's one of the main reasons we went for it.

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