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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go to hospital to have my baby even though i could have it at home

31 replies

confusedabouted · 15/11/2013 20:50

I am 36 weeks pregnant,have 4 other children,the last two were home births,as far as the actual births were concerned it was great having them at home,but my dh was pretty crap afterwards,he took 2 weeks off work and spent the first week having a go at the other kids and telling me how he couldnt wait to get back to work,the morning after the home birth i came downstairs and there was still bags of rubbish from the birth all over the place,blood all over the middle of the floor,he had gone out and taken the older kids to school and just gone to work for a few hours.

Also dc4 was born at 10,we both went to bed at 12 and the other kids woke up,it was nice for a bit,they came and said hello to their new sibling and it was lovely to see,but then after a bit i just wanted to go to sleep,he had already gone to sleep in the other room and the kids were just running around all night and bothering me(i know that sounds horrible i felt like i should of been entitled to one nights peace,the newborn slept for 7 hours!)

Anyway,i am considering just forgetting about a hb this time and going to hospital,the others all just popped out after a couple of hours so im not worried about the psychological side of going to one,i feel comfortable at hospital and at home.Only thing is,depending on when it happens,dh might have to look after the other kids so wont be there for the birth,and someone else might be in the pool,i have only given birth once without a pool and i find the pool much better.On the other hand at least i will get a rest!

Am i being selfish and over the top?

OP posts:
OvaryAction · 15/11/2013 20:52

Of course not!! Do whatever you flaming well want! I want to give your 'D'H a kick up the arse

comemulledwinewithmoi · 15/11/2013 20:53

Your dh is a knob! Wtf are you having another dc with him?

bundaberg · 15/11/2013 20:53

no, you aren't being selfish,

you should give birth wherever you feel you want to!

another option though... have a doula around at home? who can come round for a couple of days? might made DH shift his arse into gear a bit if he knows there will be someone else there? or family who could come and help out?

Original poster
confusedabouted · 15/11/2013 20:55

We dont have any family within 3 or 4 hours drive,i did contact a doula as i was interested in getting someone postnatally for breastfeeding and maybe a bit of help but she never got back to me!

OP posts:
bimbabirba · 15/11/2013 20:56

It's impossible to ret properly in a hospital so I wouldn't have a hospital birth just for that. Much better to get your DH to have some respect for the enormity of what you've just done!

bimbabirba · 15/11/2013 20:57

*rest

JeanPaget · 15/11/2013 20:58

Have you told your DH he was so shit after the birth of your other DC that you now want to give birth in hospital? Might give him a kick up the arse...

Original poster
confusedabouted · 15/11/2013 20:58

I dont think thats going to happen though bimba,either he really doesnt think its a big deal,or he just doesnt show that he does,hes not really a show my feelings kind of guy,or possibly i just dont make a big enough deal of it?

OP posts:
motherinferior · 15/11/2013 20:58

Have your baby wherever you wish, sweetie, but do bear in mind he's behaving appallingly.

FWIW I had my second baby at home and my DP was not keen on the idea, but did all the clearing up, cooked and did everything afterwards and generally behaved like a responsible adult. Which is really not unusual.

Casmama · 15/11/2013 21:00

Have you ever discussed with your dh how disappointed you were with him?
I suggest a very frank conversation about your expectations during and after the birth. A home birth needn't be like the last one if he and other dcs k ow what is expected of them to let you rest.

Chippednailvarnish · 15/11/2013 21:02

Your 'D'H is a prick.

bimbabirba · 15/11/2013 21:02

It's got nothing to do with showing feelings OP. You're far too kind to the arsehole man

squoosh · 15/11/2013 21:02

You are definitely not being selfish! Another person you mention in your post most certainly does sound selfish however.

Garcia10 · 15/11/2013 21:05

I don't have any experience as I only have the 1 but will you not be discharged within 24 hours anyway? I think there is more of an issue than you having the baby at home. You need to tell your husband that you need help after the baby has born and that you need to rest.

Clearing up after the birth just seems to be a small aspect. You need support to look after your newborn and your other children.

Good luck!!

LornMowa · 15/11/2013 21:10

For your sanity and to increase the chance of getting some rest, wouldn't it be sensible to acknowledge that he is a bit thoughtless and crap at domestic duties and arrange to pay for some help. Sounds like you could do with some Nanny McPhee character to chivvy all the other members of the household into pulling their weight and putting you first.

bundaberg · 15/11/2013 21:12

i do agree with the others that your DH really needs to pull his socks up and help far, far, far more

dp was great when i had my homebirths, he even cleaned up the bathroom which apparently looked like a scene from reservoir dogs Blush

so yes, by all means have baby in hospital, but you do still need to talk to him about his behaviour once you get home.

i'd maybe ring that doula again though, or see if there are any others in the area?

and if you honestly think he'll be useless then talk to your mum! see if she'd be willing to travel down after you've had baby and stay for a couple of days?

SteamWisher · 15/11/2013 21:19

Don't make excuses for your DH with the whole not a show feelings kind of guy Hmm

You had a baby - and he did fuck all to help.

Why on earth have you had another one with him?

Do what works for you but you could end up out of hospital quite quickly and be expected to run the house with no help from your "d" h.

IneedAsockamnesty · 15/11/2013 21:20

You really do need to raise this with him because no matter where you have the baby if you do not then you will be either getting up to birth related cleaning and childcare or returning home to normal cleaning and childcare.

Squitten · 15/11/2013 21:32

You need to sort out your DH, no matter where you give birth!

You aren't being selfish at ALL. You need R&R after giving birth. I gave birth at home 5 days ago and DH is doing everything - dealing with our other two kids (school and playgroups), shopping, cooking, etc. I don't think it would ever occur to him not to do it. Leaving your house in a state after your birth is disgraceful (and not necessary either BTW. My birth was utterly mess-free)

You need to make some clear expectations beforehand, no matter what you choose to do. He sounds horrible!

ReallyTired · 15/11/2013 21:36

You have the right to give birth wherever you like. Bare in mind hospitals like to discharge people after six hours so you might not get the good night sleep you wanted.

I am shocked by the fact that the midwives did not clear up the mess. I had an NHS homebirth and midwives cleared up all the mess.

stickysausages · 15/11/2013 21:39

Do what feels right for you. DH sounds like a total twunt.

Lambzig · 15/11/2013 21:40

Your DH needs to help you as others have said. I totally agree.

Please don't think of it as selfish, just think of it like this, if you have some time alone with your new little one, you will be able to focus completely on them for a few hours, to bond, to get rest and peace with him/her and give them your full attention.

But, that is just a few hours so you do need to sort out your DH to help more when you are home.

Original poster
confusedabouted · 15/11/2013 21:40

Mine was pretty messy,it was quite dark so even though the midwives cleared up a lot there was lots we didnt see.I could of left it for him,he would of done it but the midwife was due round any minute and he had gone to work so i did it myself.

Sorry i should of made it clear,apart from the mess the next morning i didnt do anything for a few days,then i started to come downstairs and hang about with the kids,i should also mention at the time they were 4,3 and 2,so i i guess that makes a little bit of a difference.

I do need to talk to him though,just in general he doesnt seem to see it as a big deal,he is going to a football match 2 hours away(on a train,which makes a difference because he wouldnt be able to just jump in the car and drive back if i need him to)10 days before my due date,i told him i thought that was bad because our second was 2 weeks early and if i went into labour he might not get here in time,and ive never been in labour longer than 2 hours.

OP posts:
Mamagiraffe · 15/11/2013 21:42

Where are you confused?

Original poster
confusedabouted · 15/11/2013 21:42

Im not making excuses for him by saying hes a not showing feelings kind of person,it really pisses me off,he has pretty much the same expression on his face whether hes ecstatic or really miserable.It was funny at first but now it annoys me.

OP posts:
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