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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it doesn't take 3 hours to get ready for a child's party?

34 replies

PulverEyes · 15/11/2013 19:50

I've posted this in chat but nobody has answered and I'm really quite upset Sad.

Basically, it is H's weekend to have the DC. DD1 has a party to go to this weekend, I told H about it a month ago and he said it was ok as long as my DM or I had DD2 while he took DD1 to the party. No problem.

He has just come to pick up the DC and told me he would be dropping DD2 off at 9am but the party isn't until 12. When I asked him why he needed 3 hours to get ready for the party, he said he had to go get the present and wrap it etc in the morning.

There's a lot more to this and usually I wouldn't mind but I have had an awful couple of weeks at work and I need the break not to mention that I have so much to do this weekend. He is refusing to take DD2 to my DM's instead which is on the way to town/where the party is.

So AIBU to expect him to not dump DD2 on me so he can spend three hours preparing for a child's party?

OP posts:
fanjobiscuits · 15/11/2013 19:51

Yanbu

TicTocCroc · 15/11/2013 19:52

He's taking the piss!

Why can't he get the present NOW, while he's (I'm assuming) childfree. Ridiculous!

BigBirthdayGloom · 15/11/2013 19:53

Erm, couldn't he buy and wrap the present in the week when he doesn't have the dc? Yanbu.

TicTocCroc · 15/11/2013 19:53

Sorry, just seen he already has the DDs.

Immaterial, anyway, he can pick something up in a supermarket in a couple of minutes. He's being a twat. Doesn't he want to spend time with DD2? Sad

IsThatTrue · 15/11/2013 19:54

YANBU, I would expect him to sort having dd2 while he took dd1 to the party tbh. It's not like you don't have to do exactly the same on your weekends!

says she who's XH won't even take the dcs to parties on his weekends, well not their friends parties anyway, his friends however, completely different matter Angry

Original poster
PulverEyes · 15/11/2013 19:58

Yes TicToc, that is partly why I'm so upset. She's nearly 3 and going through a difficult phase which is half the reason I need the break but actually I regularly get the feeling he can't be arsed with her Sad. He's all for our eldest.

He never bothered much with DD2 when we were together either. He says he has ordered a present from eBay and it's at the PO sorting office so he needs to collect it. What's fucks me off though is that I had to sort out every flipping party before we separated without his help. That regularly meant shopping with all three DC in two and then arranging childcare for the two that couldn't go and dropping them off. Sometimes I would have several parties for different DC in one day.

He can't even manage one party. This whole fiasco resulted in him screaming and swearing at me in front of the DC and not for the first time. I don't know what to do about him Sad.

OP posts:
FaceAglowPantsOfSand · 15/11/2013 20:00

I thought you meanf as the host and was going to say yabu!
Bjt your ex is being ridiculous

TicTocCroc · 15/11/2013 20:00

THat's shit for you, I'm really sorry Sad

He's being an utter wanker.

Original poster
PulverEyes · 15/11/2013 20:00

IsThatTrue, it's a school party that she's invited to. I did suggest taking DD1 myself but of course that would mean him having DD2.

My 14 yo DS is refusing to go to his house anymore because he gets landed with caring for DD2 Angry.

OP posts:
CombineBananaFister · 15/11/2013 20:01

Why hasn't he got a present before now if you gave him a months notice? and know I don't think it should take 3 hours to get a gift and wrap it, it sounds like excuses. If he thought it took that long he should have been a bit more organised tbh.
I know you need a break and you sound stressed/tired but feel I sorry for your DD2 as she isn't going to a party and now is getting dropped off early too so won't see her dad as long as she thought. Hope she doesn't realize she's being 'dumped' and you've got enough time/energy to make her day still seem good even if he is being a tool Sad

ExitPursuedByABear · 15/11/2013 20:04

Poor DD2

Original poster
PulverEyes · 15/11/2013 20:07

Combine, I hadn't thought of that but it's a really good point. I called in sick with a migraine today because the stress of work has really got to me. I'm ashamed to say I have shouted a lot at the DC this week because if the stress and I don't know if I have the time or energy to do anything nice with DD2 to make up for it. She loves going to my mums though so ideally he should drop her off there.

I have an overdue assignment to do this week and also I was going to finish decorating the DD's room so it was ready for them when they come home Sunday. We only moved a couple if months ago and they have been sleeping on the floor with me. I have finally been able to go out and buy their bedding so I just have a little more painting to do, put up their curtains and pole, make their beds and it's finally ready for them. Not sure I'll have time now though Sad.

OP posts:
schroedingersdodo · 15/11/2013 20:17

You are both so obviously trying to dump dd2 on the other. I think you have problems more serious than the 3 hours preparation for the party. With everyone treating her like a burden, expect the poor girl to get worse and worse.

Nevermind the party, the two of you need an strategy to spend time with dd2 and make her feel loved...

Original poster
PulverEyes · 15/11/2013 20:25

I'm not sure how you got that from my post shroedinger but that couldn't be further from the truth. He has them twice a week for tea but DD2 regularly refuses to go and I am happy to keep her home.

I love having my DC with me but this week has been very stressful and I need the break and I have a lot to do. I am not trying to 'dump' my DD on H, it's his scheduled visitation with his DC. But he wants me to have her from 9am so he can get ready for a party. I don't think that's fair on anyone and I suspect he is doing it in order to be controlling.

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByABear · 15/11/2013 20:26
Original poster
PulverEyes · 15/11/2013 20:29

Why are you sighing Exit?

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByABear · 15/11/2013 20:35

hides thread

Original poster
PulverEyes · 15/11/2013 20:37

But why? What did I say?

OP posts:
schroedingersdodo · 15/11/2013 20:40

"She's nearly 3 and going through a difficult phase which is half the reason I need the break but actually I regularly get the feeling he can't be arsed with her sad. He's all for our eldest."

"He never bothered much with DD2 when we were together either."

"I did suggest taking DD1 myself but of course that would mean him having DD2."

"My 14 yo DS is refusing to go to his house anymore because he gets landed with caring for DD2 angry."

^^

that's were I got that. All quotes from your posts.

I agree he is being pathetic, and she should get ready for the party having DD2 with him (like any parent would do) but I think there is a more serious problem going on, that's all.

Mellowandfruitful · 15/11/2013 20:40

Of course it doesn't take 3 hours and of course he should be able to buy a present while he has the kids with him. Could you tell him he has to drop her at your mum's, and maybe go out first thing Sat (even if you take some work out with you to a Starbucks or something) so that if he tries to drop her off he can't?

Original poster
PulverEyes · 15/11/2013 20:43

Yeah, I can see where you get the idea that H is trying to dump her . But me? It's me who picks up
The slack when he can't be arsed. I never ask him to have the DC when it's my time with them unless I absolutely have to for work.

OP posts:
Original poster
PulverEyes · 15/11/2013 20:44

Mellow, I asked him to take her to my mum's but he said no then started swearing at me saying I'm a shot mother who can't be arsed to have my kids.

Starting to wonder if he has a point following some if the responses on this thread Confused.

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByABear · 15/11/2013 20:49

Sorry Pulver. It is nothing to do with me. It just sounded as though your dd2 was being passed from pillar to post. I have never been in that situation and should really not comment. My apologies. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. {{{hugs}}}

Mellowandfruitful · 15/11/2013 20:55

OK, so you need to ignore that and just repeat calmly that he will need to take her to your mum's as you will be out and are busy. And he has no point at all about what kind of mother you are. This is a man who can't handle buying a birthday present with a child in tow. What would he know about capable parenting?

Original poster
PulverEyes · 15/11/2013 20:56

That's ok Exit, I was just a bit confused.

It's hard when you're posting as you forget that people reading don't have the full facts. I can see now that it may have come across that way but honestly, I have my DC most of the time alone and did so even when living with H.

The DC enjoy going to my parents' house but most of the time I go with them too and they're very close to my mum in particular. It's just this week has been particularly crap and I could do with a short break. Most weekends they go to him I miss them like crazy and worry about them.

If I'd been prepared for his suggestion of dropping her off at 9am, I could have played it by saying 'oh that fantastic' he wouldn't have liked it. It's only because I said I have loads to do that he hopes to mess up my plans. That's why I suspect he has controlling intentions.

OP posts:
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