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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want dh to have the snip

39 replies

WholeNutt · 15/11/2013 18:26

I recently had a breast reduction, my gargantuan norks caused me no end of issue so I saved and have had them reduced to a very pert D cup.

Dh and I are certain we are not having our own children. I'd have waited until after if we weren't sure.

So now I have these new boobs and although I have contraception nothing is 100% and I'd be really upset if I got pregnant.

I've broached the subject of a vasectomy he winces..I could always get sterilised I guess but AIBU to ask him?

OP posts:

bundaberg · 15/11/2013 18:29

you aren't being unreasonable to want him to. but ultimately it's his choice! if he doesn't want to you must respect that.
there are other good forms of contraception

RevengeWiggle · 15/11/2013 18:31

It's ultimately his decision what happens to his genitals but YANBU to have the discussion.

SantanaLopez · 15/11/2013 18:32

It's his choice, I'm afraid.

Straitjacket · 15/11/2013 18:32

No, YANBU. Contraception isn't just down to you, so it should be discussed between you both and then a decision reached between you that is best for you both.

But, if you are so adamant that you don't want children, even a vasectomy isn't completely 100% fail safe so I would also get sterilised too if I was you. Or get a coil fitted which is just as effective as sterilisation.

Joysmum · 15/11/2013 18:35

I wanted mine to have a vasectomy too, he doesn't want to. I told him my displeasure about hormone based contraception and the gaff and uncertainty with other methods. Told him how it was unfair that in 19 years the contraception had been my responsibility. He wasn't persuaded but that doesn't mean he doesn't understand. He's more worried than I am because of his family's history with hospitals. I understand that and have given up because he fully understands and still isn't prepared to and that days a lot as me and our daughter have always been his priority in life so this shows how upset he is at the thought.

sparechange · 15/11/2013 18:35

Straitjacket prepare yourself for the bombardment of MNers who will tell you they got pregnant with a coil, or were born as the product of a mis-functioning one! There are a few!

WooWooOwl · 15/11/2013 18:35

YANBU to ask him, but YWBVU to put any pressure at all on him to do it. It is entirely up to him, and if he's the slightest bit uncomfortable with the idea, then you have to drop it and move on to another method of contraception.

BigArea · 15/11/2013 18:36

DH had the snip this morning, he is perfectly fine, hasn't complained about any pain and is enjoying having a reason to lounge around for a couple of days.

YANBU I think we women go through plenty in the name of sex/reproduction and once your family is complete it's time for the man to step up!

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 15/11/2013 18:36

YANBU to want this. is he refusing to discuss it?

Groovee · 15/11/2013 18:38

It took 5 years for dh to have the snip. I made him use condoms in that time and he hated it.

Original poster

WholeNutt · 15/11/2013 18:40

I'm certainly not going to pressure him, it's his body and he has to make the decision.

I'm really crap with anaesthetic though would go for sterilisation if he was completely against a vasectomy. We are both agreed we don't want our on children so it's both of our responsibility to ensure this doesn't happen.

OP posts:

SueDoku · 15/11/2013 18:40

I didn't even ask my then DH as I knew that his hospital and needle-phobia would rule it right out... I just went and got myself sterilised - tiny op, completely healed in 10 days, no hassle. Best thing I ever did...

TidyDancer · 15/11/2013 18:42

Yanbu to have the discussion, but you can't and shouldn't manipulate him into saying yes.

Straitjacket · 15/11/2013 18:44

Sparechange, I was just repeating word for word what my GP told me because I am apparently too young to be sterilised. Pfft so I just thought it was medically a fact that it was as effective as sterilisation.

sweetkitty · 15/11/2013 18:44

DP is booked in for his, it's only taken him 3 years, I had to come off the Pill due to my advancing age and didn't want a coil, I told him I was going to get sterilised and he booked the appointment.

bundaberg · 15/11/2013 18:44

i think it partly depends on situation though.

you have no children at all right now?

are you both quite young as well?

maybe this is just too final a step for him right now, and I can understand that.

Mattissy · 15/11/2013 18:44

My dh has had the snip, we're both really pleased he did.

He was reluctant at first but we talked about why he didn't want it and why I wanted him to. I said If he's certain he doesn't want to have anymore children then he needs to take responsibility for it and to show a commitment to the family he already has by doing to right thing. No threats, no sulks. In the end he booked the appt himself and I went into the room with him. I watched, saw all his spaghetti tubes getting sutured, lol!

MrsKoala · 15/11/2013 18:46

I wouldn't have it done if DH asked me to be sterilised and i wouldn't expect DH to have it done either. I would never use chemical contraception and am quite happy with a coil which is no hassle at all but also DH uses condoms. So we both take responsibility for our own bodies.

steff13 · 15/11/2013 18:49

You're not unreasonable to ask. My husband was going to get one, but then I opted for Essure. Is that what you mean when you say "coil?" I've had good luck with it thus far.

My brother had a vasectomy in 2006. In 2008, my niece was born. :)

MabelSideswipe · 15/11/2013 18:49

The snip can have complications so its not always plain sailing. My partner was laid up for two weeks had ongoing pain for months....and it didn't work!

Original poster

WholeNutt · 15/11/2013 18:50

Dh has a child from a previous relationship, we've been married a long time I'm over 35 he's 10 years older.

I am 100% sure I don't want children and have been since I was 16. I would never have spent thousands on an operation if I were going to then have children.

We have made noises but not really a solid discussion

OP posts:

Thants · 15/11/2013 18:55

What has this got to do at all with you having a boob job?
It has to be his choice whether he has a vasectomy.
If you really don't want to get pregnant then double up on contraception, you could get the coil and use condoms for example.

Original poster

WholeNutt · 15/11/2013 18:58

It has everything to do with my reduction Thants! Should I get pregnant the chances of my breasts ballooning again are high and after having gone through a big op..it's not a 'boob job' it's classed as a major operation. I saved for years to afford this I don't want anything to jeopardise it.

OP posts:

Thants · 15/11/2013 19:02

I think you should think more about whether you would want a baby or not rather than worrying about how it would affect your appearance.
If you don't want a child then you can always not have piv sex.

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 15/11/2013 19:23

Thants that is v harsh. It is clear from what the OP has said that her breast reduction is about much wider issues than appearance! And she has clearly stated that she is v sure that she doesn't want kids.

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