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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want dh to have the snip

39 replies

WholeNutt · 15/11/2013 18:26

I recently had a breast reduction, my gargantuan norks caused me no end of issue so I saved and have had them reduced to a very pert D cup.

Dh and I are certain we are not having our own children. I'd have waited until after if we weren't sure.

So now I have these new boobs and although I have contraception nothing is 100% and I'd be really upset if I got pregnant.

I've broached the subject of a vasectomy he winces..I could always get sterilised I guess but AIBU to ask him?

OP posts:

dreamingbohemian · 15/11/2013 19:45

I don't understand the relevance of the breast reduction either. If you're in your late 30s then you're not that far off from the aging process kicking in anyway -- they're not going to stay perfect forever. And lots of us have kids without our breasts exploding, it's not inevitable. They really seem like separate issues, and anyway have nothing to do with whether your DH has the snip.

ChrisTheSheep · 15/11/2013 19:53

Not sure how relevant this is, but if the reduction is a massive issue, I have had one, and my breasts did not get appreciably larger with pregnancy (ok, they did get bigger while I was pregnant, but they went back down). Putting on a little bit of weight after the reduction had more of an effect.
32G pre-reduction
34D post reduction, up to 34E eventually
36G during pregnancy (your rib cage flares out a bit too)
34E after pregnancy, and still fitting a 34E nicely at 22wks with DS2.

squoosh · 15/11/2013 19:54

YANBU to want him to have a vasectomy or even to try to persuade him to have one. But yes, his body, his decision.

The last time I remember reading a vasectomy thread lots of people said they thought it would be unfair to deny their husbands the chance of more children without someone else should they (the women posting) die. Personally I thought that was an odd angle to take.

ChrisTheSheep · 15/11/2013 19:55

Feel free to ignore me, of course, if children are 100% off the table!

dreamingbohemian · 15/11/2013 20:01

See, that's how I feel about it squoosh, but mostly because my DH is 8 years younger. He's a great dad and I would want him to have the chance to have more kids if god forbid something happens to me in the next 10-15 years. Is that really morbid?

BikeRunSki · 15/11/2013 20:05

My DH was pretty compliant with my demand he had the snip after 2 hyperemisis pregnancies and 2 emcs. It's a long haul though. He has "failed" two subsequent sperm tests.

Original poster

WholeNutt · 15/11/2013 20:05

My dh is nearing 50, he is very sure he's done having children.

OP posts:

squoosh · 15/11/2013 20:08

No it's not morbid but I find it strange that his ability to have children with another woman would be a priority for you. Maybe I'm too cold hearted to even give such an idea a second thought. My concerns would be for the here and now and for my own family not for other hypothetical situations that may arise, in which I don't feature.

Methe · 15/11/2013 20:10

My dh had the snip a couple of days ago. I only had to ask once. We've had loads of pregnancy problems, 2 premature babies and I've, like you, had my fair share of surgeries though they have all be pregnancy related. My body has been though a lot.

Tell your dh to pull his finger out and get it done. Not getting it done cos it makes him wince is pathetic. No surgery is pleasant.... Condoms for the next however many years isn't much fun either.

Unless, of course, heis expecting you to take the potent chemicals/have the surgery/have a baby/have a termination.

Methe · 15/11/2013 20:11

Squoosh I asked my Dh on the day he had his surgery if he was absolutely sure he wouldn't want children if anything happened to me and he met someone else.

That's not weird.

squoosh · 15/11/2013 20:15

To me it's weird, I would make decisions that effect my real life family not imaginary families, but I understand other people see it differently.

dreamingbohemian · 15/11/2013 20:20

It's not that the hypothetical is the priority -- believe me, it would be great if DH got the snip and I wouldn't talk him out of it! But it's why I don't insist or push about it. He thinks I'm nuts btw

If he was 50 and sure he didn't want any more I would probably encourage it more. So I don't think the OP is BU. I just don't think the breast reduction is relevant for his decision.

Writerwannabe83 · 15/11/2013 20:29

I would never ask my husband to have a vasectomy, even knowing I don't want another child. It is so final and who knows, I might die early and what if husband met someone else and wanted to start a family with someone them? If I was adamant I didn't want anymore children I'd get sterilised myself, I certainly wouldn't ask my husband to do something so huge on my behalf.

MrsKoala · 15/11/2013 21:14

Squoosh i think i was one of those women on the other thread. My issue is the finality of anything like this when, for us, there are really easy alternatives. I have had non chemical coils since i was 16 and they have never ever been a problem, they are easily removed for when we want to ttc so i wouldn't change it - altho DH is also happy using condoms too. If however, i was with a man who refused to use condoms (i wouldn't be btw) and coils were a problem then maybe i would revisit the issue. But i just don't understand choosing the finality option when other options are no real problem. AND i married my first H thinking it would be forever, i would have hated either of us to have made decisions on our fertility based on that relationship and now in our 30s regret it bitterly.

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