to be tired of people excusing their rudeness by saying

[samandi]

"I'm just being direct", "I'm just being authentic" or "provocative", "trying to make people think" etc. etc. ... no, you're not, you're just being a twat. There are very good reasons why qualities such as tact and politeness exist, and you don't have to be rude to be sincere or pose thoughtful questions.

Good point MrsDeVere

Thanks Mrs DeVere.

She had a bit of a meltdown yesterday at college. I think it's all been a bit to take in as she'd convinced herself she wasn't on the spectrum at all. She'll be fine though. And at least now she can access the help she needs.

I think to be truly rude, there has to be some real intent behind what is said. Just because someone is autistic doesn't mean they don't ever consider people's feelings.

People with ASD will NOT preface rudeness with a phrase like that! The whole reason we (yes, I have it) say things that are tactless/too direct is that we don't realise they are unacceptable until it is too late! So it would be impossible to preface a hurtful comment that way!

I am also very hurt and angry that autistic is being used as a shorthand/excuse/justification for rudeness. It isn't. It's a justification for misreading people and situations. Don't say rude people are just autistic-it's becoming a standard insult.

Several others had disagreed too without resorting to calling her rude and twattish

She didn't call that poser rude and twattish. She said that she found the behaviour rude and twattish. Which it was.

There was once a line that Victoria Wood says in dinner ladies that I always think when someone says 'No offence' after saying something horrible.
'No but plenty taken!'

It's perfectly possible to disagree with people without being rude.

It's also perfectly possible to find numerous people who see someone disagreeing with them politely as being rude.

I hate when people say 'I'm not being rude' or similar before saying what they think, they should just say what they think. Somebody having a different opinion is not rudeness, someone answering a question honestly is not rudeness, not listening to people is rude, getting angry with people because they don't agree with you is rude, making a hurtful personal comment that was not asked for is rude.

I have a friend who is very direct.. She has no filter & often says things you might think but never say... I know when such a comment is coming because the sentence always starts with "I'm not being funny or anything" or "look, no offence but....".. I have usually switched off after those words!!!

This is one of the most annoying things ever. Especially 'I'm just saying what everyone's thinking'. Erm no you're not, I can speak for myself thanks. I'm a great believer in honesty but truly cannot stand those who feel the need to share every thought and feeling out loud. I have plenty of mean, rude thoughts that I never verbalise because there is just no need to be rude or cause offence. It's the attitude that their opinion is so important it must be shared no matter how rude, inappropriateor offensive it must be. My MIL and best friend are like this and both blame it on being from SA as if rudeness was in their blood!

I had a "friend" who told me she thought i was too slim, didn't like the colour of my hair and didn't like my complexion (freckles)....I couldn't understand how she bared to be in my presence. I know i couldn't sit in hers anymore.

Okay I went back and read it again, I may have missed the point but I see the irony.
Calling someone out on being rude is fine, I think calling someone twattish is rude.

I tell people I have aspergers. they tell me its no excuse. that's fair, I think.

I really think there are two very separate things being mixed up in this thread; lacking tact, and being deliberately confrontational/controversial AKA being a twat.

I will reiterate, AS people may come across as tactless, and I believe it is fair to say that they may exhibit tactlessness more than NT people.

Twattishness has nothing whatsoever to do with being on the spectrum. Anyone can be a douche.

'I'm not racist/homophobic but'...always followed by bile and spite!

Even better are the ones who say 'but I have black/gay friends, I can't possibly be racist/homophobic'.

I generally think 'pants on fire much?'

Ha ha ha Heart, you mean the "I'm not prejudiced but I can't get a council house 'cause of all the immigrants using their funny accents to jump the queue - my foreign neighbours who don't speak English told me so".

Tbh I think that the first reply on ths thread equating 'I just say it as it is' type twattishness with ASD was incredibly unhelpful.

The type of people who say 'i just speak my mind' are mouthy wankers and nothing to do with ASD/aspergers at all.

Indeed they are.

Puttheshelvesup. I heard you the first time and your post made me laugh. From Yorkshire indeed!

Chipped - I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about .

Especially as council houses are so easy to get these days - they're giving them away like sweets, y'know!

Mrs DV, Pag, et al you have it spot on, couldn't agree more!

People who "just speak their mind" ought to consider asking their mind to take a vow of silence. There is a world of difference between a considered, tactful, honest opinion and downright rudeness.