and depriving my child by not buying her anything technological?

[FigRolls]

My dd is 6. She is adept at using computers and tablets at school. Her friends already own or are receiving for Christmas iPads, iPods, iPhones, Kindles, Wiis, Nintendo 3DS and so on. Dd has asked for Lego and books. She loves playing imaginative games, being active and reading which are all healthy pursuits IMO. However, my friend thinks I'm depriving her and putting her at a disadvantage by not providing her with at leastone of these ggadgets to use at home. Aibu by not doing so?

Because the intention in posting this kind of AIBU is to get a pile of people all saying, 'oh no. Your friends are fools. Your daughter will be so much better off than them'.

Otherwise you'd seek out an obscure bit of the site and ask a question about what children gain from access to video games and other electronic media, with no mention of your friends' opinions (which you clearly don't share). It's the difference between seeking information and seeking validation.

It's sort of become the norm really though for older dc. They play games together, communicate via email, a certain amount of friendships revolve around similar interests.

Six is quite young. But certainly by 8, all dd's close friends were on Club Penguin or similar, meeting up in the virtual cafe after school, visiting each others' igloos.

You can choose to not go down that path. But I have to say I felt it was a little sad when four of them were walking up the road the other day, 3 of them played and 1 didn't. She was kind of a bit left out.

It's just what they do these days. They still play lego and meccano and imaginary games too.

How the hell is discussing the pros and cons of modern technology/ the age at which children should have access to certain things, stealth boasting?

Whether you think it is OK for your 6 year old to have an iPad or not, surely it is common sense to have a good think about it beforehand and take different things- personality of child, age, amount of time spent on other activities- into account?

There have been perfectly valid reasons for giving a child an iPad on this thread, just as there have been perfectly valid reasons not to. I still feel happy with my own choice to 'deprive' DD of gadgets, but on the other hand, I can see that if she was a different sort of child & a bit older, I would probably be happier for her to have them.

I think for anybody to brush off someone's decision as 'stealth boasting' shows an insecurity in their own choices.

I don't think YABU.

But this thread is a bit ridiculous - the people with 12 year olds who didn't have technology until they were x age is all very well but in those 12 years things have really moved on.

I have a soon to be 9 year old and we thought it was a massive deal to get her an Ipod for her 8th birthday. Prior to that she had a DS for her 5th birthday and no other technology.

However my DS is just 5 and will be getting a 7 inch tablet for Christmas (as will DD nearly 9). They are now the best solution for children IMO to manage games, communication and music and while it goes against my inner "keep kids kids" thing, it is part of their daily life. Both kids are really active, sporty, love imaginative play (and for DD 9 a lot of imaginative drawing, writing etc) but they have all the toys, lego, books, jigsaws and board games they "need" as well as bikes, scooters, trampoline, etc. Therefore the tablet is the obvious gift for them and I'm not going to refuse to buy it as a matter of principle.

Neither child spends particularly significant amount of time with screens (despite having fairly free access to laptops, tablets and ipod/DS) although DD ocassionally gets a bit hooked on a game on her Ipod and perhaps spends 30-45 mins after school on it. I don't intend their tablets to change this and they will continue to be supervised by us and limited in what they can see/buy.

"I think for anybody to brush off someone's decision as 'stealth boasting' shows an insecurity in their own choices"
Actually it doesn't show any insecurity at all. My DCs are 18 and 16 now and probably the first generation to grown up with technology and i am more than happy with the way they have turned out.
What i don't like from these threads is that there is an insinuation that children who use technology are not using their imagination, playing with lego, reading or being active. My ds had games on the computer from the age of 2 when he could handle a mouse, now 18 he is a very outdoorsy person and has won a scholarship to promote future leaders in engineer and designer. He walked the 70 odd miles to my DM's house with his mates last year and works as a qualified lifeguard. I dont see that having the use of gadgets and technology from a young age has hampered him in anyway.

Retro

Thanks for you comment re background TV.

My DD can watch something at the same time as bouncing round the room, its not background.

there is an insinuation that children who use technology are not using their imagination

I insinuated this because this is what my friend passed onto me, as to why she, would not have her DC have one. She is mad about the imagination and using it and this is why she does limit their tv quite strictly and would not want them on a pad.

Disclaimer: Don't shoot the messenger. I was passing onto OP what I had heard from someone who is more up on these things than ME.

I'm happy to let my children have access to the laptop, and the tablet, I think it can be a good thing.

I absolutely do not see why a young child would need one of their own.

As far as I'm concerned, it will be communal family technology until they can buy what they want for themselves with their own money.

my 2 girls just won an award for their "imaginative" use of stop/go animation techniques to show the perils of meeting someone they only know from the internet....

not so stealthy boast I know, but hey-ho , I love gadgets in all their forms, imagination is intrinsic to children - gadgets can be used to enhance or limit that - just like other toys are constantly used to gender stereotype etc.... giving the girls a dolls house and the boys a sword is much more limiting to their lifelong imagination than giving both a gadget....

they are now 11 and 12 but have been filming, experimenting with online art studio products for the ipad and messing around with raspberry pi to control our multimedia/sound system this year, they helped build lego robots and program them to auto sense their environments (from about age 7+ 8) and have always been encouraged to use whatever "gadget" they want to do the job best....

SAYING that gadgets limit the imagination is what MAKES gadgets limit the imagination, just like saying a doll is for girls.....

Well Elf you need to say why,we can all say I have a friend.....

And what Bruffin said.My ds's have got a friend coming round for tea and a Minecraft session today.Normally they are out on their bikes every day,playing the piano,playing with Lego or reading after school.Tonight they'll have some XBox time then go to cubs.

It's called balance and it's down to parenting as everything normally is.

You're not being unreasonable, buy your child what she asked for. She'll actually use them!

Access to technology is important but no six year old needs their own gadgets, while some children may have genuine talents in that area and genuinely want and benefit from technological gifts, most will, if allowed, waste their days away playing addictive, mind numbing, stupid games which have little benefit to their brains but because that's all they do, damage their physical health, social development, mental health and intelligence.

Yes "if allowed".

"If allowed" my DS would also play with his Lego,on his bike and wouldn't do his homework or eat healthy food.

Hi Retro

I do not want to hi jack this thread with some second hand info here. I think the op has a pretty good idea of what I mean.

The "friend" did not go into the depths of her knowledge sighting various studies to me and crunching stats.

It was a quick question asked in passing as I was leaving her house when I was in the throes of what to do because I was caught up in the hype.

She said she felt any sort of screen time at this age, ie 6 was detrimental to them using their imagination.

That is all.

Also for me I would rather my DD was in a reading position to start to pick up books for pleasure, which is nearly is but not quite. By next year I will be much happier for her to have a pad when she has developed a proper love of reading.

As I said, I would have been sorely tempted to get mine one this xmas, but sadly we are not in a privileged position to do so. It would have been brought on credit and I have come to my senses.

Next year I will have enough Tesco points to heavily subside one.

I agree with crowler that you are being a bit smug about it.
Just don't let it carry on for too long.
its unlikely in this country that they will receive a decent education in technology so when the time comes, in the not too distant future you should be exposing them to it, and encouraging learning.

Elf I think you're doing the right thing.Mine were all avid free readers at six and adept at using their imagination so we let them have Ds's.

Kids differ hence my at your friend's blanket warning.My 3 are 10,10 and 9 now and actually still don't have tablets.If I was loaded they would though.

I didn't have a computer at home until I was in my late teens - I now write code, web pages and apps for mobiles. Belief me, she will not be deprived of any skills by not having technology in the house.

Also, I grew up loving lego and books and they are fantastic toys for encouraging a creative mind that will adapt to technology, or whatever else she decides to do when she's older.

Callani - Conversely I had a ZX spectrum and a build your own 6809E when I was about 10 (giving away my age...) - as well as an Atari and my main career BC (Before Children) was in worldwide computer support...

I also loved lego and books - they are not exclusive..... all kids are different.... all parents are too....

I don't the parental hooha over tech stuff. Why is it either or?

My ds 6 has a ds. It's a toy. He plays with it sometimes, other times not.

My dd had an iPad for her 8th birthday. I was sick of her pinching my phone to play games on. She loves it. It's linked to my phone so I have complete control over it.

This Christmas she has asked for Lego and a drawing thingy.

Ds has asked for Star Wars and Dr Who stuff.

Ds can't wait until he gets an iPad of his own, but it's just an iPad - not a monster.

YY - 'it's just an iPad - not a monster'

My kids have various bits of tech. They do kid things on them. ie playing. I am not forcing them to grow up too soon, start running hedge funds, pushing the envelope or blue sky thinking. They are just another kind of toy.

Imagine the threads if MN was here when Lego was launched. Those poor DC being forced to grow up too soon and start worrying about the construction industry or architectural careers....

YANBU

dcs are 4 and 7 and i refuse to buy them anything gadgetty - other than we have a nintendo wii that only the 7 yo plays on and only occasionally

let kids be kids i say

'Let kids be kids I say'

But my kids are still kids. They do all the things your kids do. Play outside, draw & paint, read books, play Lego, make models, jigsaws, board games, dressing up etc etc - they just have an iPad too.

I just don't get all the hand parental hand wringing on this. If you don't want one, don't get one.

If playing is like eating - surely it's about giving our kids a varied diet?

Yes because technology sucks the youth out of our children.

DS (6) has been playing with gadgets since he was a toddler, he now looks just like Benjamin Button.

i just don't think small kids (say under about 8 or 9) need ipads etc. but its only my personal opinion, we are all entitled to them :)

NOBODY needs an Ipad - but they are nice to have.... in my personal opinion

@ Molly