and depriving my child by not buying her anything technological?

[FigRolls]

My dd is 6. She is adept at using computers and tablets at school. Her friends already own or are receiving for Christmas iPads, iPods, iPhones, Kindles, Wiis, Nintendo 3DS and so on. Dd has asked for Lego and books. She loves playing imaginative games, being active and reading which are all healthy pursuits IMO. However, my friend thinks I'm depriving her and putting her at a disadvantage by not providing her with at leastone of these ggadgets to use at home. Aibu by not doing so?

[Dobbiesmum]

I absolutely see the argument your friend has against Elf, we had a good think about the pros and cons when getting our DC's theirs. It's true about being bored as well (apart from on car journeys, hours of hearing bored moaning from the back is not my idea of fun!!), I have a young family member who is entertained all the time (not by computers, by her parents) and genuinely has no idea about entertaining herself at all, she can't make up games or even get some paper and just doodle, she has to be told what to draw!
If you believe my older 2 they have spent years being 'so boooored' but they eventually wind their necks in and find something to make a mess with do.
I just think that people (not you personally) are too quick to place the blame onto the gadget itself rather than the parent who needs to put their foot down and turn it off/take it off them.

[Dobbiesmum]

I have however talked DH out of buying a cheap tablet for the toddler. But that's not because I don't want her to have access to technology, she's actually frighteningly good with the iPad but she's not 2 yet and she'll break it She can share the iPad for a while longer!!

[ArbitraryUsername]

I actually do know what an open-ended material is. I just don't buy the moral superiority (or the all or nothing thinking) that seems to follow them about. Nor do I necessarily agree with the Romantic discourses of the child that are used to promote open-ended materials.

The wonderful thing about children is that they can make anything into anything else if they want to. The open-endedness isn't a property of the material itself but a function of the child's imagination.

[ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO]

Where is OP?

[ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO]

I find it odd that people get very defensive about their own decisions when someone else merely states reasons why they would not get one for their DC.

My EP friend will not be getting one for her DC next year, I will, do I look on her as trying to be morally superior? NO not at all.

[ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO]

There is no all or nothing thinking here either there are no i pads or the like as we couldn't afford them, but DH has a smart phone and we have lap tops.

[LadyInDisguise]

At 6yo I really don't think children need a tablet, a DS etc.., I actually don't think they need any of it until they are 8~9 yo when homework required the access to the internet for some research. And then clearly when they are in secondary school.

I am at people who think that playing on a computer game is the same than learning to use a computer/internet to some research or put a poster together.

My experience is that children that age don't miss 'technology' hence the fact your dd hasn't asked for it. It's just another type if game and maybe not the most interesting imagination wise.
However when they get older (Y5~Y6) then not having a way to connect with other people starts to be an issue. Kids send each other emails, use skype, go on Instagram etc etc to speak to the same friends they have seen all day . Then no access to a tablet it laptop can be a disadvantage.

[ouryve]

How many of these threads are there, today?

YANBU to buy your DC what the hell you like. Or they like. Of course your friend is wrong and she clearly has not the first idea what deprivation is.

You would be unreasonable to imply that a lack of anything electronic would be a sign of your uber-parenting skills, though.

elfontheshelf - a hudl isn't just about one game, is it, though. There are many games that could be played, for a start. It's also a (rather crap, apparently) camera and you can take pictures and manipulate them to your heart's content. There are even apps which enable you to do stop motion animation. A child can give their imagination a pretty thorough workout with a tool like that. Same for the many music composition apps available.

[Retropear]

Yes the best toys are the toys with no limits so I give you Minecraft/ the Rapberry Pi and a shed load of other stuff you can do with tech.Re toys with limits I give you 90% of the utter non tech crap parents buy.

Re exercise sorry but racing round the room with a DVD on is not what I want my dc doing.If they're watching TV it as to be worthwhile and using TV as background noise is not something I want my dc doing.

XBox Kinnect is fab for jumping about.We've done running,rafting,ski- ing,bowling..... My parents went home knackered last time.

I was a teacher(early years), I see the value.9 times out of 10 problems with these things are down to poor parenting.

[LadyInDisguise]

Btw my problem with having computer games etc is that, in my house, they become the default position. So there is a break in the day, nothing comes to their mind immediately as to what to do. Immediate question: 'can I go on the computer????' Even though they are never allowed to go on it outside very precise periods in the day.

I find it much easier when we are away, gadgets are at home and they have no choice. No more arguing.

[hyenafunk]

Yanbu. Deprived is having no food, water, clothes, house, healthcare or any toys at all... You're not depriving a SIX year old by not getting them an iPad ffs.

Mine won't be getting anything outside of the technological things we own as a family until AT LEAST 9/10. I don't think technology is bad, they do watch TV and we have the PS which I'm hoping to get the eldest into this Christmas on the PS move. Three year old knows how to work certain things on my smartphone already just from watching me... But I just can't justify the need for their own until around that age. What's so wrong with sharing? I don't like the idea of everyone sat around on a different piece of technology not talking to each other.

[SooticaTheWitchesCat]

YANBU

We don't have much technology at home. DH and I have iphones and we have a family computer. DH has a PS3, which he sometimes lets the girls play with him.

You are ceratinly not depriving your child, what a ridiculous thing to say.

My girls are both older and they will be getting lego and books or similar for Christmas.

[LtEveDallas]

DD is 8.

She has an iPad, my old iPhone, a Kindle, a laptop that is gathering dust in the corner and a PC in the play room. She's never broken any of them (unlike me, that smashed the iPhone screen twice).

She also has a shed load of lego, about a million dolls, a couple of hundred quids worth of KNex, more paints and shit than Hobbycraft, is on every school sports team, does ballet, tap and brownies and wants to join the local swim team.

For Christmas she has asked for another Designer Friend and Styling Salon, School uniforms for her Designer Bears, a school register, well done stickers and exercise books, more KNex (with motors) and Cityville Monopoly.

It's NOT either / or Technology is a wonderful thing and we should embrace it, it's not going away and the quicker our children learn to use it the better.

DD uses the iPad to play (free) games and make videos. The iPhone on boring car journeys (there is a great app that makes you search for landmarks etc that you can tick off - we end up re-routing so she can get to them). The Kindle for reading (d'oh!) and the PC for homework and 'extra' work linked to her school website.

It is quite possible to have it all and be even more well rounded.

[Retropear]

Lt what is that landmark app?

We should make a thread of fantastic apps.

[LadyInDisguise]

Tbhbut it depends a lot on the child. Some children seem to get addicted to those and others don't. One of mine can not be taken away from them. The other doesn't care. But they both had the same limits re the use of computer.

Maybe some children would benefit more if not having so much technology so young because if that.
And they will hardly loose out on learning to use a computer. I mean I didn't put my hands on one until I was over 20yo and it doesn't stop me from using one now.

[LtEveDallas]

Retro, I haven't got my phone on me now, but I'll post it for you tonight. I think that thread sounds a good idea

[Retropear]

Yes it would save wasting money on dross.

Not sure what section to start it in that would get the traffic.

[EyeOfNewtBigtoesOfFrog]

Actually, I think yes you are depriving her, of being on a level playing field with her peers, and of being able to develop her IT skills at home in her own time. Understanding and being as familiar as possible with all forms of tech, the web and its pros and cons, social networking etc. etc. aren't some kind of silly indulgence, they are what people growing up now need to know for general life skills and the world of work.

However I don't think it's about big christmas presents. Our DC get our old tech when we update, so it lags a few years behind, but is functional. I think that's a good way of doing it as it doesn't make them feel they're always entitled to the latest thing and to have £££££ spent on them at Christmas, but it does mean they always have access to ipads etc for the many (generally very educational and positive) things they use them for.

My dyslexic DS uses his for minecraft which massively develops his creativity and co-ordination, making music, photography and video projects, art projects, and help with maths and spelling. These not only develop his skills, they give him a huge sense of achievement and rightly so.

I would give your DD what she asks for for xmas but you can still make tech something she has access to and that is normalised and everyday.

[Retropear]

Oh and I just ordered a blackboard for my dd's 18 inch dolls,it has a whiteboard on the back.Think it was £4.50 from My Doll Best Friend or something.

[IslaValargeone]

I'm not a fan of the way that apps send little reminders if the child hasn't played on them for a while.
A little notification being sent saying 'so and so is missing you, your dog has died' or some such.
I don't like it.

[bruffin]

These threads are so boring, just stealth boasting that you are a wonderful parent

The problem is, people say " My child is very good at this and that and has a good imagination" you never really know what would they be like if they had not had the gadget.

Sometimes those gadgets bring out the imagination that the child doesnt have the physcial skills to do. My DS's art teacher said his work was exquisite. He did beautiful posters for projects which he did not have the talent to draw manually. Both my DC are talented photographers. Even in the film days they would not really have been able to develop that talent because we would be wary about wasting money developing the photos only to find only 1 out of 20 is good enough.

[MrsPnut]

My 7 year old has shit loads of technology and is getting more for christmas - but I wouldn't castigate a parent for not behaving in the same way.

She has a tablet, a share in her dad's PS3, a 3ds, a wii, a raspberry pi and uses my computer for endless powerpoints about snow leopards and tigers.

None of this has been particularly adictive until I downloaded minecraft for her and now I have had to set a time limit on screen use but that is the game and not the technology.

She's currently working on a project with her dad programming something with the Raspberry Pi - I know they've been soldering stuff but I'm happy for him to take charge of it all whilst I waste time on mumsnet.

I also think your attitude towards technology for your children is influenced by your own use of technology. I think it's marvellous and use it all day every day and OH makes his living as a developer so we have lots of different bits hanging around for the kids to use.

[FigRolls]

Bruffin and others who've said it - I'm not sure how saying my dd likes lego is boasting or makes me a 'wonderful parent'?

[sparklysilversequins]

Agree Bruffin. They're right up there with the admire how sensible I am about Christmas presents for my children crew.

The poster who said the Ed Psych and teacher she knew recommended not to give her child a tablet. What was their reasoning for that? It's all very well proclaiming this expert opinion but you didn't actually explain why.

My dc have had unlimited access to technology since aged about 5. It's not a big deal to them sometimes they use it sometimes they don't but some of the stuff, facts and figures they come out with leaves me in a good way because its information I managed to reach my thirties without ever acquiring. They are more articulate and knowledgable because of their access to the web. My dd is a great little artist, when she's at home she uses paper, chalks, paints crayons etc, when she's out she uses the IPad. It's not either/or it's in addition and I am going to be quite upfront and say those of you patting yourself on the back about withholding it from your dc, I don't think it makes you good parents I think it makes you sound both smug and limited at the same time.

Some people have always resisted change but it happens anyway and that's all you're doing.

[FigRolls]

And for the record, I don't think it has to be all or nothing. I have an iPad and a laptop which she could ask to use, but she never has. She genuinely doesn't have the time or inclination and I thought that waiting til she was interested, then allowing it, was preferable to encouraging her to stop doing whatever else and use technolohgy instead.