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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is crap advice re: depression?

62 replies

fridayfridayfriday · 13/11/2013 20:59

If only it was that easy.

Was googling about it as need to read about it as my brother is v. depressed but refusing diagnose/treatment. I came across this:

Depression is not real. It is something that exists in people’s minds. It can not be seen or touched or identified by sight or spirit in the real word. It’s all in people’s heads. Psychiatrists, in stereotypical attempts to make what they do look relevant, identify endless causes for depression, and for each cause there is an unnecessarily complex solution. My contention is that there is but one true cause, and it has to do with your centre.

I just feel sad. My career isn’t going well. My kids don’t talk to me. My dad was an alcoholic. I hate my job. I hate my life. I’m fat. I’m ugly. I don’t have many friends. People don’t like me … are the sort of typical comments that we hear from the depressed. Nowhere in there is there a mention of other people. It’s all about you.

As humans we get in this state of sadness over very real psychological issues and we think about them endlessly, feeding them and making them worse than they ever needed to be. This creates emotions and chemical reactions in the body that doctors diagnose as ‘depression’.

Doctors see depression as a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes negative thoughts, but this is not actually the case. There are chemical imbalances, yes, but they are caused by negative thoughts, not the other way around. Doctors will prescribe you medication to correct the chemical imbalances, thinking it will therefore correct your thoughts. What you actually need is to correct your thoughts, and you will in turn correct your chemical imbalances. Think positive and you will feel positive.

Why in poor countries are reported rates of depression significantly less than in western countries? We have everything, they have nothing. You’d think that somebody who doesn't have food for their family would feel pretty fucking depressed, yet no, it’s the western businessman with everything who feels depressed. The superficial reasons could be many, but ultimately it comes down to one thing: the poor man doesn’t have the time to sit there thinking about himself. The poor man spends his time trying to feed himself and/or his family. This gives his daily life meaning, and it removes that infamous word ‘I‘ from his thoughts.

If you’re depressed my advice to you is to stop thinking about what you want, what you don’t have or what others have. Focus on something greater than yourself, be happy for what you have and what you are and cherish it. Remove the word ‘I’ from your vocabulary and you will find a happiness that you haven’t felt since you were a child.

Cherish the smallest moments that life offers, like sitting under a tree on a beautiful day, the breeze against your skin, with not a thought in the world. Remember that by focusing on yourself and your ‘depression’ you’re making life harder on you and on those who love you. They have to deal with your self-inflicted bullshit the same way you do. It’s not fair on you and it’s not fair on them, and at the end of it all, when you do snap yourself out of it and ‘suddenly’ feel better, the truth will come to light. And that truth?

Your depression was all in your head. It wasn't real. You were never actually depressed. You were just being selfish. And if you refuse to admit that you were simply being selfish, then you still are.

OP posts:
Mylovelyboy · 13/11/2013 22:03

dream you are right. As per my previous post. My cousins ds not only has depression but I think personally he has schizophrenia. I am not a medical person but his symptoms and actions point that way. He is so paranoid as well its unbelievable. The reason he has not been diagnosed is that he keeps missing vital appointments which in the first instance takes weeks to actually get. You can go to your GP but he will tell you that it is your brother that needs to make the appointment and go. Family can get advice from all sorts of places but the hard and sometimes impossible job is actually getting the ill person to go and see someone themselves. That is when you are banging your head up against a brick wall. Its a very difficult situation for those that love them. Also alot of the time the ill person will say 'i am fine, i dont need help' then the cycle continues.

IamGluezilla · 13/11/2013 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tiredlady · 13/11/2013 22:16

I think that what was posted was quite unfortunate in that it sounds very blaming of people with depression, however I don't think everything it said should be disregarded.

CBT, which is just as effective in treating mild to moderate depression as anti depressants, works by getting people to challenge their thoughts and feelings. It helps people stop looking at life through an automatic negative filter and enables them to think and act in a more positive way.

I work in mental health and it is not helpful to view depression simply as a "chemical imbalance" as it just disregards the very real reasons people may have for feeling hopeless and despairing with life

.
Having said that OP, your brother sounds way more than just depressed. You could ask the GP to do a home visit or alternatively request a mental health act assessment if oyu had real worries for his health or safety

LEMisafucker · 13/11/2013 22:23

I agree with dreaming - you need to get your brother assessed by a doctor, now ordirnarily the doctor can't intervene if you are worried re someones MH but if you are worried that he is a danger to himself or others then they can. He could well be a danger to himself. Go to see his doctor and explain the situation. Don't be fobbed off.

Mylovelyboy · 13/11/2013 22:30

LEM If OP goes to the doctor there is nothing the doctor can do. The brother has to go to the doctor himself. The doctor will then get an appointment for him to see a professional in this field. By the time the appointment actually comes. The brother will probably not go to the appointment because he thinks nothing is wrong with him. Then you are back to square one. I have seen it in my family. It is still going on now. This is the pattern. The brother is an adult (yes a very ill person). My cousins son had a professional come to the house 'eventually'. They then go away, do an assessment. Then you get an appointment through the post to see another professional. Excellent you think..................then when it comes to going to the appointment the ill person refuses to go because 'i dont want to, there is nothing wrong with me. back to square one again. Its awful. And in the meantime the sick person is either kicking again, acting really strange etc etc

tiredlady · 13/11/2013 22:39

Anyone who is concerned about a family member's mental health can request a mental health act assessment, as long as they are that person's nearest relative (not necessarily the the same as next of kin).

A mental health act assessment consists of a psychiatrist, a mental health social worker and one other dr ( either the patients GP or a another Dr with mental health training).

They would come to the house and assess your brother's mental health. They would also ask you all about your concerns re his behaviour, so even if he was quite guarded and closed up when talking to them they would get a clearer picture from you

fridayfridayfriday · 13/11/2013 22:42

I am not a good sister actually. I have been avoiding him for a while now as I just can't cope (selfish) and I can't bear to see him so different (somebody I don't know)

My brother is extremely intelligent (v. book smart) but throughout life, esp adult life, he just hasn't had the tools to navigate through life. He is the type to cry over sad soppy movies. Deeply sensitive. Very easy to hurt.

A relationship gone sour and he has carried this deep grief in his heart. He has lost so much weight, it is painful. Maybe a size 4 from a 12.

He has a heart of gold and is quite innocent. He is in a very distressed way currently.

I have made contact with him today due to two things:

  1. I dreamed that he had committed suicide last night (I woke up screaming, I was that scared)
  1. Our elderly mother (81) contacted me earlier today saying that something has to be done because all the prayers in the world won't work. Medication is needed. Our mother is very religious and at first thought praying about it would make him 'normal' again.

To complicate matters, he has my nephew, his son (6) with him every two weeks (or 10 days, not sure) and this is where the waters get mucky. I am scared for both of them. He loves his son so so much and he is a great parent but he is not well.

Thank you all. I am looking at the Mind site as I type.

He would never give me his gp details. He will accuse me like the others that I am trying to get his son taken away.

It's just so much easier to stay away.

OP posts:
fridayfridayfriday · 13/11/2013 22:44

What number do I dial to get him assessed? I don't know his gp or surgery.

OP posts:
Heartbrokenmum73 · 13/11/2013 22:44

Ah Jesus, Friday, that's just awful - for you, your brother and your poor little nephew who must be wondering what the hell is going on with his Dad.

I have no further advice for you, but am glad you've decided to take a look at Mind. I hope they can give you advice and support. Please keep us updated with how things go and I'm hoping for a positive outcome for you all.

Scholes34 · 13/11/2013 22:45

mrscog has it. It's "depression" along the lines of someone taking a day off work for flu. People too easily say "I'm depressed", when they're just feeling a bit down. The advice given might help someone who's just feeling a bit sorry for themselves.

tiredlady · 13/11/2013 22:48

If you don't know his GP you can ring the Emergency Duty social work team. Alternatively ring your local community mental health team and ask to speak to one of the social workers there who could advise you on the appropriate local service to ring. I would definitely mention his weight loss. If he is not eating then they need to know this.
I would also mention that he looks after a young child too

Mylovelyboy · 13/11/2013 22:49

friday I feel for you. You can only get him assessed if he agrees to it. He is classed as an adult. You can make a GP's appointment for him. Whether he goes or not is a different thing. I know it is very very hard. If you were dealing with a child then it would be a different ball game. Please read my posts. Thanks

FestiveEdition · 13/11/2013 22:50

OP, you really have no idea about actual depression, do you?
You are probably doing the best thing in not spending time with your brother at the moment, if he is very depressed, as input echoing the OP could cause very real damage.

Everyone is entitled to pet theories if they want them, but the worrying thing is that those who are genuinely ill could be attracted to the thread title, in the search for help.
Thats a very scary thought.

LimitedEditionLady · 13/11/2013 22:52

Do you think he might talk to someone if you said its just to put your mothers mind at rest?in a way kind of not placing on him that he does need some help but so hes doing it so he is helping someone else?It really has to be him that seeks advice but it can take a lot of self assessment for someone to realise that they have an issue which is a whole lot harder to do when someone is struggling so much.I hope that you find the answers OP and i really hope your brother starts to feel better soon x

Heartbrokenmum73 · 13/11/2013 22:53

Festive

The OP didn't write that - it's what she's seen on the internet and she's saying it's bad news! She doesn't believe it.

Please read the whole thread.

tiredlady · 13/11/2013 22:54

OP
You don't need your brothers permission to request a mental health act assessment. This may be the only way to get him seen by a MH professional. He sounds psychotic. You need to tell them everything you have mentioned on this thread. Everything you have mentioned is very relevant

LimitedEditionLady · 13/11/2013 22:59

I hope one day he will thank you for being a good sister OP X

Mylovelyboy · 13/11/2013 23:04

tired you dont need permission but she needs her brother to agree to be in the room when the assessment is taking place. That can be the hard part.

Mylovelyboy · 13/11/2013 23:05

You can tell the assessor all you like. But at the end of the day the brother has to agree to be 'seen' by someone. Thats the battle in our family.

fridayfridayfriday · 13/11/2013 23:07

I will get the thread deleted then Festive. I don't want to hurt anyone who is going through depression with the title/content.

Thanks to everyone for your help. I am totally lost and I don't even now what I am even trying to ask.

I am going to be pro-active tomorrow and call Mind. They may be able to give me a number I can speak to someone confidentially.

I don't know what can of worms I will be opening. Because if he loses his son or anything like that, they will be a huge price to pay and it will be be on me. He hasn't asked for medical help as his biggest fear is losing his son. He is obsessive about contact.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Heartbrokenmum73 · 13/11/2013 23:09

Friday

Don't get the thread deleted. Festive obviously didn't read your OP properly. Let it stand and you'll hopefully get more advice from more people.

But definitely give Mind a ring too - they can point you in the right direction if they can't help you themselves. And they'll have all the relevant info that you need.

Please don't let one poster make you delete what is a very valid thread.

lookatmybutt · 13/11/2013 23:11

Oh Friday, it does sound more than depression. As well as Mind, you can also try Sane.org. Give them a ring.

Schizophrenia usually starts when someone is in their early 20s, but this is no hard and fast rule. Even if you can't act right now - I know it's hard - talking to someone may help.

It may not even be schizophrenia, but he certainly needs assessment.

Mylovelyboy · 13/11/2013 23:13

All the very best OP xx

Louise1956 · 13/11/2013 23:14

IT would be nice if it was as simple as that, but alas it isn't.

lookatmybutt · 13/11/2013 23:15

X post - Festive why don't you try to RTFT next time. It's only two pages.

Friday Hang in there m'dear. Just talk to someone to start with.

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