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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is DH? Household gadgets

37 replies

CleverWittyUsername · 12/11/2013 18:56

Long and dull, I apologise in advance.

Last week H bought an expensive hi-tech gadget (can't say what as may out self). It would apparently help him do one of his jobs around our house, instead of just fixing or replacing the original gadget we already had. He bought it from his own money, so no problem there. But he didn't discuss it with me at all, just announced he had bought it it in front of our families so I didn't have chance to say anything, then brought it home.

He wanted to prove to me it was a fantastic item so started showing me how it works, then found out that it hadn't worked as well as it was supposed to have. I didn't say 'I told you so...' but I told him I didn't like the non-discussion and thought there was a couple of reasons it wasn't a very effective purchase, one of which was a safety issue.

He got very defensive and accused me of laying a 'barrage' of reasons upon him which was too negative for him to hear. I had no idea he loved his gadget so much, but he took my criticism of the product very personally and this led to a bit of a row.

Finally he told me I was implying it should be returned (I wasn't) and there was no way it was going back so I would just have to accept it. I agreed it was fair enough, his job, his gadget, but in future I would like to be able to share my opinions without getting shot down, and would like at the very least a bit of a chat about how we deal with our household jobs and purchases before anyone buys anything.

Last night I mentioned about this household job needing to be done and he tells me he has taken the gadget back to the shop - again with no discussion. So now we don't have anything to do this particular job. I haven't said anything as can't really be bothered with raising the whole thing again, but I feel like he has totally missed my point with the lack of discussion for the second time. From his side he thinks I was just complaining and so as a result he has taken the problem away and fixed the situation.

WIBU in the first place to tell him why I thought it was a crappy waste of money? Is he BU in making large purchases for the home without including me?

OP posts:
WhoNickedMyName · 12/11/2013 19:00

So he bought the gadget (out of his own money), you weren't happy that he'd bought it, he took the gadget back and now you're not happy because you don't have the gadget to do a particular household job?

Sounds like he can't win.

YABU.

Strumpetron · 12/11/2013 19:05

No he's not unreasonable at all. It's his money.

And if I bought something and my DP just criticised it I'd be pretty pissed off too. It makes you feel stupid and belittled.

You are the unreasonable one I'm afraid.

heartlessbitchface · 12/11/2013 19:05

It's really hard to tell without knowing what the gadget is, TBH

Bogeyface · 12/11/2013 19:08

It depends what it is, if it is a wall paper stripper that he will be using and not you then thats one thing, if it is a washing machine that you will both use regularly then I would expect a bit of input.

But based on what you have posted........If you both have personal money and he bought it with his then I would say that no, YANBU to think it was a waste of money and a bit crap and to say so if asked (or expected to praise it as he clearly wanted you to). However, YABU to expect discussion on purchases made with his own money. Presumably if you decided that you needed something for the house and bought it with your own money, for your use, then you wouldnt expect to discuss it with him.

It implies that he needs to ask your permission on how he spends his own money, something that I am sure you wouldnt tolerate him doing to you.

As I say, a lot depends on what it is, but unless it is a major white good or a new bathroom (say!) YABU.

spindlyspindler · 12/11/2013 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littlewhitebag · 12/11/2013 19:30

My DH is always buying gadgets. He is a gadget geek. He can afford them and it makes him happy. Some of them i like, some i dislike and some i don't mind one way or the other about. I can't be arsed to argue about it. Life is too short.

Panzee · 12/11/2013 19:34

He bought something, and rightly or wrongly you asked to be. Involved in similar purchases in the future.
So he saw his arse and returned it without discussion. He spends like at petulant child.

Panzee · 12/11/2013 19:34

Oops I meant sounds like a petulant child! But it's quite an apt typo. :o

CleverWittyUsername · 12/11/2013 19:38

Whonickedmyname, that's what he says and I don't want him to feel like that, so am not getting into again to ask why he didn't tell me it was going back. I just left it when he told me that.

I do take on board about the criticism I gave him and so on. I wasn't asking him to seek permission for spending, more that it would have been nice for him to talk about it before buying.

Without being specific (sorry) it is a gadget that would be used at least weekly, and it would more than likely be me ending up using it as he constantly forgets this job anyway and I half do it as am around more in the house.

The thing is loud. Very loud. It would be very disruptive to everyone in the house, as well as taking far, far longer than just using the old thing. Plus he wanted to leave it running in the house with our 2 cats which I felt was quite unsafe for them. Massive and bulky as well, so would be right in the way as nowhere to store it.

We have joint money for household stuff but he bought it from his personal money, so it wasn't that which bothered me. But he was bringing something into our home which would have an effect on me (in the way, noise etc) so when he asked my opinion and showed me that it didn't work correctly, I was honest with him in why I wasn't keen on it. He always tells me to be honest but then when I am and it isn't the same opinion as his, he doesn't like me saying it!

OP posts:
MirandaGoshawk · 12/11/2013 19:38

Hmm, sounds as if he didn't discuss it because a) he knew you wouldn't like it, and b) he wanted it badly.

It turned out to be crap, and he knows it. I would keep my mouth shut, personally, and keep the moral high ground and hope he's learnt his lesson!

Next time you want something... Wink

Writerwannabe83 · 12/11/2013 19:41

My husband buys all kind of gadgets crap that make me roll my eyes but as long as he's using his money and not our money, I don't care. Boys will be boys when it comes to pointless household objects and I just let him get on with it Smile

ZooTimeIsSheAndYouTime · 12/11/2013 19:41

Argh..what IS IT??!

LowLevelWhinging · 12/11/2013 19:43

anyone else DYING to know what the gadget is?

at first I thought lawnmower, then roomba, but 'massive and bulky' and dangerous for cats?

WHAT THE HELL IS IT OP??

Is it an actual robot cleaner? Grin

Bogeyface · 12/11/2013 19:43

If it is a robot hoover then its just as well he returned it if you have pets! Google dog poo and robot hoovers and you will see why!

littlewhitebag · 12/11/2013 19:43

Is it one of those big ironing machines?

Bogeyface · 12/11/2013 19:43

Roomba, thats the name I couldnt remember!

LowLevelWhinging · 12/11/2013 19:43

ah, I see Zoo is with me...

Bogeyface · 12/11/2013 19:45

:o

ZooTimeIsSheAndYouTime · 12/11/2013 19:45

Grin C'mon we have to know...!

LowLevelWhinging · 12/11/2013 19:45

It's Metal Mickey isn't it?

IAlwaysThought · 12/11/2013 19:45

robotic vacuum cleaner

FredFredGeorge · 12/11/2013 19:48

Hmm... we can't possibly really comment without knowing the gadget...

I think it's an electronic pillow fluffer...

IAlwaysThought · 12/11/2013 19:49

Massive cross post but we are all thinking the same Grin

ZooTimeIsSheAndYouTime · 12/11/2013 19:51

This shurely?

Bogeyface · 12/11/2013 19:56

eyerishheathercollins.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/dildo.jpg

Nah, I reckon it is a bit more base than that Wink

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