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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want a dog staying over?

40 replies

Lumpity3 · 12/11/2013 11:07

My MIL has recently got a puppy, it is very cute if a little yappy. However I do not really like dogs, I have always had cats. She is coming for Xmas and I have agreed that the dog can come, because it is Xmas. They will be here for 2 nights and I will try and keep the cat out of the way as much as possible to not stress the cat and puppy out too much. However MIL thinks that if I am agreeing to a stay at Xmas then she should be allowed to stay over with her dog more often (about once a month). She lives an hours drive away. I'm fine with her coming for day visits with her dog but not staying over. Partly due to the cat and partly because I don't want a dog in my house as it makes me uncomfortable. AIBU to say that I am not happy with this?

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 12/11/2013 11:21

YANBU. It's your house and she only lives an hour away.

oscarwilde · 12/11/2013 12:02

Why are you keeping the cat out of the way? It's your house, a smart scratch on the nose should sort out any puppy heartless cow. It will be much worse if the dog returns and has no respect for the resident scary moggie.
Seriously - tell MIL that she needs to bring a kennel and a temp fence for the garden or scoop it twice a day, walk the dog twice a day and generally make sure that she knows that it is an imposition and an annual event.
Or say that you are treating the house for fleas.....

Floggingmolly · 12/11/2013 12:05

No. If she lives an hour away she shouldn't be staying over once a month anyway has no need to bring her dog.

AtiaoftheJulii · 12/11/2013 12:09

We take our dog to my parents' house (to stay, too far for day trips), and they have lots of cats. The dog stays in one room, which has garden access. Just because your MIL is your guest, doesn't mean her puppy needs to have the run of the house.

DoYouEverFeelLikeAPlasticBag · 12/11/2013 12:17

Your house - your rules.

Having said that, I have 2 dogs. I'm always very grateful when family don't mind if we bring them over when we visit (not to stay overnight though).

So if you actually don't mind her staying over, then perhaps you could just make some ground rules for the dog. e.g. insist that she uses a crate which the dog must sleep in, strict rules on picking up its poo outside etc.

If you want to use the dog as an excuse for not allowing her to stay once a month (which is totally understandable!!) then just put your foot down and say you're not keen on it. Might cause a rift though.

mrsjay · 12/11/2013 12:19

I wouldnt keep the cat put of the way ime cats will batter puppys into shape the dog has oto fit into your house not the other way around, is it crated at bed time if not ask your mum if she can keep the dog with her and make sure she picks up the poop

halfwildlingwoman · 12/11/2013 12:24

YANBU. No dog is allowed in my house overnight. Actually, not in the house full-stop.They would stay in the garage if it was too cold/wet for the garden. Possibly if I was feeling really soft, the kitchen.
As it is Christmas you are being really nice to relax the rules. Put your foot down about other occasions. If she lived hundreds of miles away and had no choice it would be different. But she has no need to stay overnight if she lives that close.

Didactylos · 12/11/2013 12:26

I think this is the first and only time I will ever agree - this puppy is just for christmas!

DuckworthLewis · 12/11/2013 12:30

Your house, your rules on this one.

...and tbh (and I say this as a dog owner and lover), I'd let the puppy and cat sort it out between themselves my money's on your cat

AscoyneDAscoyne · 12/11/2013 12:31

Yanbu.
However, could you have a trial run beforehand? Christmas might not be the best time to introduce them iykwim as the puppy could be very excitable at this time of year with so much going on.
I had my old cat for 15 years before we got a rescue dog and we really underestimated her. She soon showed the dog who was boss and took the addition of our ds then the dog in her stride.
A trial will either put your mind at rest or give you the ammunition to say it's not going to work out.

LtEveDallas · 12/11/2013 12:36

I don't want a dog in my house as it makes me uncomfortable

Can I just ask why that is? You may find at Xmas that you don't actually mind so much, so one night per month might be OK. Obvs if it because of a phobia or allergies etc, then that wont be the case, but if it's just because you aren't sure about dogs, this little one may change you mind

london111 · 12/11/2013 12:46

I don't really think it is a case of 'your house, your rules'. Clearly you don't have to have a dog in your house but I think it might be nice to. My mother has a dog. Not a big fan myself but it is family for her. She appreciates it if we include the dog sometimes. So we do. Because I love her and want to see her.

Floralnomad · 12/11/2013 12:51

I would tell her she can't bring the dog at all ,you are setting a precedent by allowing it at Christmas . I have friends who's cats have moved out when a puppy moved in ,I wouldn't be risking upsetting my cat for anyone's dog . ( and I'm a dog owner)

ArtexMonkey · 12/11/2013 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morloth · 12/11/2013 13:03

No dogs at all in my house.

They are gross, smelly, unpredictable and it would piss the cat right off.

I used to like dogs but now they just annoy me.

Original poster

Lumpity3 · 12/11/2013 13:04

LtEveDallas I feel uncomfortable with a dog in house as I have always been a bit scared of dogs (I know, I know, it's a puppy and I'm a wimp!) but also my dd is scared and got bitten by a dog earlier this year so she is still quiet jumpy around dogs.

thanks for making me feel better about this. May need to show dh this thread so he knows it's not just me!

OP posts:

Tulip26 · 12/11/2013 13:38

Please don't just "leave them to sort it out." One or the other could get seriously hurt and then who's paying the vet's bill?!

Or, the dog could shit itself in fear like my former MILs dog did when she just brought him straight in to my house and my normally nice cats attacked him. Totally out of character for all animals concerned..

I have had a dog and cat together for nearly three years and they've never got on...

KhunZhoop · 12/11/2013 14:03

YANBU, however, you have already agreed that she can bring the puppy. Don't be surprised if she's pissed off with you when you get back to her having changed your mind on the matter.

benid · 12/11/2013 14:03

YANBU
I have a dog who is part of my family and I love him to bits (yes sad I know). However if friends or family said they didn't want the dog to stay or even to visit I would have no problem with it at all - it's totally reasonable IMO.

Original poster

Lumpity3 · 12/11/2013 14:13

I am not changing my mind about Christmas. I can understand that she cannot leave the dog with anyone and I do not want her not to be able to spend Christmas with us. I am really just worried that she may think this opens the door for all future visits, whereas I want it to be a one off.

OP posts:

AdoraBell · 12/11/2013 14:14

I was going To say your house your rules and your cat would most likely put said puppy in it's place. Úntil I saw your update wrt DD having been bitten.

My DD was bitten and it took me 2 years of gentle coaxing and reassurance before she could even see a dog with panicing.

So I'm going To say that a puppy, even the smallest, cutest, fwuffyest one, is the wrong animal To have in your home at Christmas or any other time of year. After DD gets over her fear- however long that takes- then you can reconsider.

And I own dogs, it's Cats I'm not keen on.

Lilacroses · 12/11/2013 14:17

Same here Tulip, my dog and cat hate each other!!! They've lived in the same house for 5 years and nothing has ever changed. We tend to keep them in separate parts of the house. I can see why you would feel concerned about the dog coming if your cat might not like it. I'm a huge dog fan but would never impose that on any of my family or other friends. I think saying it's a one off is fine. It's up to you.

curlew · 12/11/2013 14:21

Wow- it's spread to mother in laws' dogs now!

Make sure you tell her what colour she's to wear so she doesn't upset your Christmas table decorating theme. Oh, and she's to bring all her presents unwrapped so you can inspect and approve. Obviously you'll want her to stay in her room on Christmas morning, so as not to get in the way of your family time opening presents- presumably since it's Christmas you'll take her a cup of tea and a week old Daily Mail to read while she waits?

JanineStHubbins · 12/11/2013 14:24

Why so harsh, curlew? I wouldn't want a dog in my house, no matter who owned it. The OP's dd has been bitten recently as well.

Original poster

Lumpity3 · 12/11/2013 14:25

Curlew

I think I made it clear that I want my MIL to spend Christmas with us. It has nothing at all to do with her. She is welcome for as long as she would like to stay. But myself and my daughter have a fear of dogs and we also have a pet cat that I do not want to upset. That is the problem.

OP posts:

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