to not want a dog staying over?

[Lumpity3]

My MIL has recently got a puppy, it is very cute if a little yappy. However I do not really like dogs, I have always had cats. She is coming for Xmas and I have agreed that the dog can come, because it is Xmas. They will be here for 2 nights and I will try and keep the cat out of the way as much as possible to not stress the cat and puppy out too much. However MIL thinks that if I am agreeing to a stay at Xmas then she should be allowed to stay over with her dog more often (about once a month). She lives an hours drive away. I'm fine with her coming for day visits with her dog but not staying over. Partly due to the cat and partly because I don't want a dog in my house as it makes me uncomfortable. AIBU to say that I am not happy with this?

I'm not being unkind, I'm sure your MIL is lovely and as I've said before I am hugely into dogs but the dog is HER responsibility. We never take our dog anywhere other than to my parents because she is well behaved, they have no other pets, they love her and they have a huge garden. We don't even ask if we can take her to other relatives because we know it is an imposition. I wouldn't be annoyed if my parents said no either. We chose to get a dog, it's our job to make sure she's looked after and that can mean getting her looked after by dogsitters occasionally and limiting how long we can stay away. That's life, that's what you take on when you get a dog. Don't feel too guilty about it.

Curlew, what was that about? A non dog owner doesn't want to set an expectation that dogs will always be welcome in her house. Seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Dogs smell. I would not have one overnight in my house.

My MIL's dead. I am quite clear that is not relevant to this thread.

OP, you will probably have to make very clear that Xmas is the exception so your MIL knows where she stands, and work out all the practical details with her-crate, whether the dog will be confined to one room, etc.

Lumpity,

Well if your DD has a fear, then I can understand why you wouldn't want a dog in the house.

One small word of warning though. If your DD already has a fear, being around a puppy may not be the best thing for her. Puppies are ace, but they do mouth...small pressure 'bites' that test the area. The pup won't mean to do it, and needs to be stopped, but they have very sharp teeth and could scare your DD more.

To that end, prior to Xmas, do you know anyone with a calm, quiet older dog? It may be useful to introduce your DD to one before the pup gets to you.

Sorry, don't mean to worry you, but it may be worth explaining to your MIL your concerns and see what she says.

We are a 'dog' family - the Mutt (and previously RottDog) went everywhere with us, but luckily our parents were fine with it. One of my sisters has allergies though, so we would always warn her so that she could take pills and potions ahead of our visits. It's all part of being a responsible dog owner. Hopefully your MIL will be the same.

YANBU

You don't have to have a dog in your house unless you want to. It will create extra house work so you are not obliged to say yes. There again, she doesn't have to accept an invitation if she doesn't want to come without the dog.

If you have already said yes and then change you mind that is a little bit U - you will have to put it nicely when you tell her.

YANBU OP. I'd let a puppy stay overnight if it was a one-off and needed to be with its owner, but apart from that, no. Most dogs I've met are smelly, noisy pains in the butt (am slightly bitter from previous experiences of friends assuming I and others don't mind their dogs running all over our house or coming on holiday with us and dictating our schedules with early morning feeds and the faff of finding dog-friendly places )

I'm not sure what you can do about Christmas now, but not sure you were asking that anyway.

Maybe cross the future visits bridge when you come to it. I.e. after the Christmas visit when you will have more info.

It may well be worth a chat in advance about expectations and dog management. (e.g. Our dog is crate trained so if she comes to friends and family with us we take the crate and she can have a snooze while we eat, or if anyone needs some time out from her!)

Woaaah. Bit of perspective needed here I feel or positions will be taken and it might just get out of hand.

First off perhaps DH could say to his mother that this arrangement is just for the Christmas visit and then 'we'll have to see how that goes'

Houseguests should be made welcome but have a responsibility not to put out their hosts too much and that includes family. Well, that's how I see it.
If you and your daughter aren't comfortable with dogs, then that's your right.

I'd be inclined to say cross the bridges when you get to them.

I think it's nice that you're letting her bring the dog at Christmas when she's staying over and will obviously want it there make it clear that you're making a massive exception for Christmas only but why oh why would you need to have MIL staying over once a month?! With or without her dog?? I don't have anyone staying over than often ever - people who live nearby don't need to stay over and people who live far away visit less frequently. If she's an hour away she can come in the day without the dog and go home again.

You are giving mixed messages. We wouldn't have a dog in our house, Xmas or not.

You should have said a flat no I think. I would never have a dog in my house (when my sister visits he stays in the garden or car) and I think it is pretty unreasonable to expect to bring a dog to a non-dog household with cats (which isn't set up for dogs)