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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To deny my dd the pet she has wanted for 4 years?

73 replies

jennifersofia · 11/11/2013 23:56

She is very keen to have a rabbit, has been for years. She is a sensitive soul, and conscientious so I know she would look after it, or at least as well as an 11 year old could.
However - I do not want a rabbit. I don't want to pay for one, I don't want to clean out the cage. We have a small garden with no grass, I feel that really we should have 2 rabbits, not one, so it wouldn't be on its own.

I have also heard that rabbits are not great pets - dull and scratchy, which I don't feel is encouraging.
I feel like I am failing her by denying her something that she wants very much. Another type of pet such as a guinea or hamster just won't do.
AIBU?

OP posts:

landrover · 12/11/2013 10:28

God no, I actually believe that no child should be allowed a pet (drastic I know!) Obviously its fine if its a family pet and adults look after it, but the animal must come first and imo that generally doesn't happen. Kids forget, out grow them, get bored etc and you end up rehoming or worse! They can have a pet when they are an adult!

OrangePixie · 12/11/2013 10:30

This may be brutal but you could you get an old rabbit? Then you're not committed to years and years (what's the life expectancy of rabbits?!) and it'll act as a kind of trial run.

insanityscratching · 12/11/2013 10:48

We had two rabbits, Mr Buns was a delight spent a lot of his time free range in the house, loved the dc and enjoyed being snuggled up on somebody's knee when he wasn't eating. He'd knock on the door when he wanted to come in or be let outside to toilet and he was a thief of epic proportions.
Susie had exactly the same opportunities but she didn't seem to want human company and wasn't that bothered about Mr Buns either and although very gentle and happy to be petted it was always on her terms as she'd run to the other end of the garden if she wasn't in the mood.
I suppose what I'm saying is that depending which rabbit you get you could have a most lovely entertaining pet or a bit of a grump and it's not immediately obvious when you choose.
I'd say at 11 your dd should be able to manage the care but still think that ultimately the decision should be yours.

specialsubject · 12/11/2013 11:17

it's clear that you know she won't clean it out or do much for it. So she can want.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 12/11/2013 11:31

Rabbits are vicious, scratchy, bitey little fuckers. They smell, burrow and chew anything within reach.
We have had several, each as bad. If you MUST have a caged pet, get guinea pigs. Much nicer and way more friendly.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 12/11/2013 11:33

My girls would LOVE a pet. But they are not getting one.

I've told them when they move out on their own that if they would still love a pet they can have one then.

They have accepted this and moved on. (But they would still LOVE a pet).

KnappShappeyShipwright · 12/11/2013 12:46

Just wanting a rabbit isn't a good enough reason.

I've never owned one but I have been saddled with two guinea pigs (rescued by DD from a friend's unexpected litter) which I now adore, but I find them a total bind. They live for 6 years so I guess when DD goes to University I'll be the one left cleaning them out, feeding them, clipping their toenails and talking to them. Aside from their daily needs (which becomes a daily battle once they stop being a novelty - feeding and cuddling is fine, shovelling poop and sawdust less so), I also find it hard getting someone willing to look after them for a week when we go away over the summer and we can't just pop off for the weekend any more.

If it helps, my DCs want a dog. They aren't getting one.

miggy · 12/11/2013 12:56

Im a vet, Rabbts are terrible pets for children. Dont like being picked up, scratchy, can bite, need really careful feeding and looking after or will suffer from all manner of debilitating and costly health issues (often get them even if looked after well!)
Pain to clean out, need huge cages?runs/run of the house
Seriously get a cat, easier, cheaper, more interactive and hardier!

chillykitty · 12/11/2013 13:03

We were going to get a rabbit in May instead got 2 guineapigs the girls chose one each they are great
In terms of cleaning out it takes me 10 mins
They so need grass

chillykitty · 12/11/2013 13:05

We hv also just got a kitten

womma · 12/11/2013 13:16

Oh dear. I also desperately wanted a rabbit as a child, and when I got one it was such a disappointment. My rabbit wasn't friendly and it was hard to build any type of relationship with him.

My friend has guinea pigs and they're really quite lovely, would she be swayed towards a couple of them? Failing that, get a cat. You can be good pals with a cat and they're nowhere near as much work as a dog.

SoftSheen · 12/11/2013 13:28

Rabbits can be great pets- they are not 'dull and scratchy', but can be very lively and interesting to watch!

However:

-They need a lot of space, including a large outdoor run and a 6' x 2' x 2' hutch (most pet shop hutches are woefully small)
-They need to be kept in pairs/small groups
-With a few exceptions, they do not enjoy being cuddled, though many enjoy being stroked on their own terms
-They can live for 8 years or more
-They need to be neutered and vaccinated, just like a dog
-Though they are not especially expensive to feed (bulk of diet is good quality hay) they can require expensive vet treatment such as dentals.

All in all, a cat or a pair of guinea pigs would be a much more straightforward choice.

I don't necessarily think that rabbits would make unsuitable pets for a mature, sensible 11 year old who had done lots of research; however, ultimately it is the parent who must take responsibility practically and financially.

5Foot5 · 12/11/2013 13:29

Our old lady guinea pig is turned 7 now and still going strong! DD looks after her but when she goes to Uni next year then I guess it will be down to me, unless the old dear has pegged it by then.

I agree GPs are lovely pets but I can't help feeling that at 11yo maybe that is old enough to give her the chance. Perhaps present all the pros and cons as people have mentioned here and if she is still keen get her one on the understanding it is entirley her responsibility. If she loses interest then waste no time getting it re-homed.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 12/11/2013 13:40

on the plus side, discarded bunny tastes delicious!

Lonecatwithkitten · 12/11/2013 13:57

Another vet, rabbits in pairs (after all who is going to clean behind your ears) make great pets for adults.
The purchase of the rabbit is really the cheapest part of the exercise, they need yearly vaccinations and the correct feeding to ensure they don't develop gut and dental problems.
I used to own rabbits I loved them to bits, but they were much harder work than the dog and two cats together.

expatinscotland · 12/11/2013 15:45

I'm soo with you, Saggy. Get her a Syrian hamster. DD2, age 7, is able todo quite a bit of looking after her and she has tons of personality. And only lives about 3 years max.

kali110 · 12/11/2013 15:52

I begged my parents for a rabbit when i was 18 as i fell in love with one. He was a house rabbit. He was a great pet and friend. Had run of house and garden. Loved my dad. Spent days off in garden with him.
He did chew a tv wire once though! Would lie flat out scaring us into thinking he was dead.
Now at 27 have another one that was found dumped. He is a handfulk but still lovely.
Think they make great pets. So full of personality.
Would only consider this if your son is ready for the commitment. They are very intelligent and social creatures. They cant be stuck in their cages all the time.

Aarow · 12/11/2013 17:44

I love hamsters. Our hamster recently died- she was the sweetest thing ever. She was also pretty stupid, tbf, but was loving and if you came in she'd rush to the side of her cage and stand like a meerkat, and her eyes were pleading with you to pick her up. She'd wake up at 4, when the DC returned. From 4, she'd spend most of the time being played with, cuddled and petted because if you out her back, she'd stare at you.

So, for me, hamsters are the best pets ever. We had dwarf hamsters (not as nice in any way) and they learn to climb the stairs. Very cute.

Guinea pigs are lovely too.

Lilacroses · 12/11/2013 18:21

First off you are not being mean. You don't have to have pets if you don't want to. Secondly, your Dd can get as many pets as she likes when she is older.

However....we have a big dog and a cat. We ADORE our dog and all love walking her and taking care of her. Our Dd wants another small dog (that SHE can walk safely on her own) but we have said no for the reasons you don't want the rabbit....I don't want to end up being responsible for another dog, the expense, potential vet bils etc.

Would she/you be persuaded to have a cat? They are SO easy! Ours just eats food, sleeps and goes out and about. You really don't have to do alot for them at all....I think most are more cuddly than ours so some tlc and food but other than that they look after themselves.

Strumpetron · 12/11/2013 18:35

Rabbit are only seen as dull because they're kept stuck in small cages.

I had a house rabbit, she was amazing and more like a dog than a rabbit. She was litter trained. When I'd come home she'd run round my feet and make a buzzing noise, she'd come to me for cuddles, she'd stamp her feet if I ignored her..

They are lovely pets but don't get the opportunity to be. I don't recommend anyone getting a rabbit unless they're a house rabbit.

I don't think you should get one, your heart needs to be in it as you'll probably be the one doing the majority of the work.

Strumpetron · 12/11/2013 18:36

Oh she once also chewed off my fringe when I was asleep

expatinscotland · 12/11/2013 18:36

'She was also pretty stupid, tbf, but was loving and if you came in she'd rush to the side of her cage and stand like a meerkat, and her eyes were pleading with you to pick her up. She'd wake up at 4, when the DC returned. From 4, she'd spend most of the time being played with, cuddled and petted because if you out her back, she'd stare at you.'

That is how our Syrians have been! Our last one we got when she was fairly old, but she lived another year with us and died last August.

This one we got in September and she is all black except for her feet and a bit of fur under her mouth.

She loves cuddles and being handled and is the non-biteyest hammy ever.

DD2, nearly 8, helps me change her bedding and does all her food and water changes plus preparing her a treat every day - she chops fresh veg and fruit, grates a bit of hard cheese or gives her nuts.

thehorridestmumintheworld · 12/11/2013 19:05

I was going to say a cat too if you would like it yourself. Or have another baby and encourage her to help with it?

fosterwallace · 12/11/2013 19:29

Your house, your rules. However, a child of that age should be perfectly capable of feeding and cleaning a hutched animal - but you would need to purchase and bring home the sawdust, straw and food, would you be prepared to do that? Having had rabbits, guineas, cats and dogs I would never suggest a rabbit, guineas much more interactive (in general). Cats are very easy as long as you get a cat and not a kitten - but you have potentially 20 years of life and vet bills to consider.

SaraBellum · 12/11/2013 19:46

Caged pets are banned in my house.

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