to ask you is his sleep more valuable than mine?

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So We have 3 dc. Aged 10, 8 and 11months approx
With 1st ds I did all the night wakings but he was an easy baby and things were fine. Dd1 came 2 years later. As she was breastfed I dealt with her and ds dealt with toddler on the rare occassions he woke . Still ok.
Cue 3rd unplanned child. Dd2 is lovely but demanding. Still wakes twice a night. As a coping mechanism I cosleep in the spare room as dh needs his sleep. He does 12 to 13 hour days including 2 hours driving so fair play I do night wakings as my job is very part time and erratic.
However, I feel I should get a lie in one day at the weekend. However, this no longer happens. Dh gets up when he wants and comes down after a shower etc.
I am stuck with baby from 1st thing. I also tend to go to bed an hour later than dh due to baby waking and getting dcs things organised for morning etc.
Whenever I say I am stressed dh's is always saying you can rest during the day etc. Well dd naps for anytime between 20 minutes and 2 hours. So maybe some days I can but not all.
Incidently on the days I work I get up before him and have to tell him to get up to take over childcare so I can get ready.
His new argument when he invariably nods off in front of tv Sunday afternoon is that his medication must be making him tired.
Aibu to think that this situation is not fair and cannot go on.

If he has a job that involves driving then yes he needs his sleep but you need sleep too and at least 1 lie in a week should be possible.

If he is on medication that makes him drowsy should he be driving?

You both need sleep and it doesn't sound like he is trying to help you here.

There are two mornings in a weekend. This is so parents can have one lie in each. Anything else is U in the extreme.

Plus I have just seen you are working PT as well

It sounds hard for you both but you need your sleep as well

Most people share lie ins at the weekend.

No, his sleep is not more valuable than yours. You both need equal rest. One lie in each a weekend. You get Sat and he gets Sun for obvious reasons.

If he won't agree to this you have a different issue to being knackered.

Of course your needs are as important as his, you both being humans in an equal partnership.

At least one lie-in for you required!

Who looks after the baby when you are working? Could they have her for an extra few hours each week so that you can sleep? Do you have any family or friends who would take her out for a couple of hours? You are tired but it sounds as if your dh is too and he is working very long hours and driving.

I do think he could give you a lie in one morning or could you have a nap after lunch at the weekends that's what I used to do.

Yanbu. He should be getting up at tge weekends.

My dp drives for a job, I do all the night wakings as I breastfeed and dp needs to be rested for work. He gets up at the weekends.

Newborn's are easy in comparison to older babies. I could sit exhausted on tge sofa with ds breastfeeding and dozing all day. Ds is now 10 months and walking, he spends his days trying to destroy things and seriously hurt himself, tge idea of rest is a joke!

You need a rest too. Perhaps not every weekend, if you can catch a nap during the day, but he definitely needs to pull his weight a bit more on a weekend.

It's a partnership, not you being sole carer for 3 children 7 days a week.

Have you spoken to him about how you feel?

To be honest I think you should do the bulk of getting up but he should take a turn at least once at a weekend

No you should get a lie in too, sounds like he needs to pull his finger out and help out more tbh

YANBU, if he is really so tired then on the day you lie in he can have a nap in the afternoon (which it sounds like he does anyway).

Or, as PP suggested, he should take kids for a few hours so you can nap, if he really won't part with his lie in.

We have a very similar set up to you.

This is what we do - DH is on duty Friday all night but sleeps in Saturday morning. I'm on duty Saturday all night but sleep in Sunday morning. That way we both get one full night sleep each weekend and both get one lie in.

We have a very similar set up to you.

This is what we do - DH is on duty Friday all night but sleeps in Saturday morning. I'm on duty Saturday all night but sleep in Sunday morning. That way we both get one full night sleep each weekend and both get one lie in.

The argument that you can catch up on rest when baby sleeps is rubbish. He gets a lunch break plus coffee breaks and so it's even really

I have learned that my dh will never 'give' me a break because I 'deserve' one. Although he is a (mostly) good dh and father, he is inherently lazy and will let me do as much as I will do. I have learned that I need to take the breaks I need, including lie ins. I work part time, he works full time. Not relevant as far as I'm concerned. I simply say to dh (who works shifts so our lie ins are not necessarily weekends) 'You're off Thurs and Fri - which day do you want a lie-in?' and then I ignore any mumbles or groans. When dd wakes up, I bring her into the spare room to him and go straight back to bed before the sleep goes off me.
There's no point in debating with him who is more deserving of sleep. You know you need it, so just take it.

You lie in Saturday, he lies in Sunday. You can't say fairer than that.

If he doesn't agree, wake him up as soon as the first one is awake on Saturday morning and tell him in is charge. Take yourself off to the nearest Travelodge and sleeeeeeeeep.

Tell him you are thinking of giving up work as you need a break and can't cope with being the sole childcare provider and working as well.
Or talk to him and tell him what you want/expect.

And having a rest when the baby rests is bollox. Usually that's your chance to make a phone call uninterrupted, hang out washing....I have NEVER slept when my dd (or my ds all those years ago) slept.

Without my lie in I wouldn't be able to function sunday- Friday I have 30 hours sleep, then 12 hours on a saturday.

42 hours sleep a week is not a lot for 168 hours in a week.

Both parents need adequate sleep.

Most of the time I am doing the wohm bit hd looks after dc. Occasionally other people do it and rarely I have to take dc with me to help!. generally admin at home is done around caring for dc. The more I think about this the more I realise it can't go on.
I will have to look up hos meds and see how likely drowsy bit is and yes when he argues he needs his rest I need to point out that maybe he needs to look at meds.

You haven't said why he takes medication, nor what type it is. Obviously it's none of our business but the reason I mention it is to point out that his condition may impact on his tiredness, or as you've already mentioned could be side effects (as well).

I am in a similar position - partner working long days and taking Meds for a medical condition that can tire him out too. Unfortunately I have a serious medical condition that makes me exhausted, so we often 'compete' over who needs most rest. It infuriated me to start with as his condition isn't recognised to be as life alteringly serious as mine, I quickly began to see that his grumpiness when I seek rest was as much to do with his own needs as it was his selfishness.

So we manage it by covering for each other to have a 1-2 hour rest during the morning each. It means we sacrifice a while morning family wise, but at least we're looking after ourselves each other. The only thing left to argue over is who goes first, but that's easy to remedy by taking it in turns.

But you are

What I would day is, in answer to your question, no you are not being unreasonable to ask if his sleep is more important than yours. It isn't. It's clearly important to you both. Maybe just a management of it issue.

Wow - I wrote BUT YOU ARE NOT BEIG UNREASONABLE!!!!! Somehow that got erased as I hit send!

Well the medication has tiredness as one of abot 40 possible side effects. The illness does cause some pain whilst being active. However, I have a similar issue but not one where I take medication. Yes so maybe certain things are a competition. Eg I normally do bedtime etc but dh relaxes whilst I do this. As a result I often come down to a messy kitchen and a dishwasher which needs loading. Most mornings this causes pain. Sciaticia.

But why is he relaxing when you are doing bedtime. Just make a rule that neither of you sits down until the jobs are done. Do them together then you can both rest.

What time does your typical day start and what time does his start, what time do you each wake up?