to think that this isn't a good dad...

[wontletmesignin]

Calling their child names.
Wishing they never had their child.
Wishing someone would take their child.
Hoping the cat scratches the childs eye out because he is sick of telling the child to leave it alone.
Calling their chil a cunt.
Repeatedly telling their child there is something wrong with the child.
Dragging the child about.
Dropping the child to the floor, knowing thr child would get hurt.
Shouting at the child because he has had a bad day.
Ignoring the child deliberately.
Telling the child to go away
Telling the child to fuck off
Calling the child a cunt
Telling the child he is going to slap him in the face.
Need i go on?

This child is 3.

Aibu - because i dont think i am.
Yet i have the nursery head teacher telling me he is a good dad. How the hell does she know? Did she live with him?

Telling me i have a good relationship with my other ds dad and wouldnt i like a relationship like that with this one. As if i am just doing what i am doing for the sake of it!
My other ds dad is a good dad!!

Sorry im just a bit enraged by this.
I feel like giving her a list of everything he has done and then asking her to tell me he is a good dad then!

I know im probably overreacting but grrr

Does she know he has done anything on the list?

He sounds horrible! Is that your partner? Xxx

He is my ex.
I have told her some things. But not all. I mostly told her how he was with my dd(who isnt his).

How is it any of her business??? A little more context would be helpful but from your post I am annoyed on your behalf OP. Some situations call for a raised eyebrow and a dignified silence - followed by a strongly worded complaint to a higher authority. This appears, in my eyes, to be one of those situations.

Yes needsaholiday, he is the childs father. I have gave him weekend access on the condition his parents arethere

So im definitely not overreacting?
What has it got to do with her! Exactly!!
He was emotionally abusive and im finding things hard as it is. Keep wondering if it was me. Even though i know it wasnt. But her saying that has really got to me!

Bloody hell this one has got me to the core. OP I feel massively for you. No one and I mean no one knows what people are like at home unless you live or have lived with them. This Nursery woman has no clue whatsoever. If the father of my child treated my ds like you have listed there is no way he would be anywhere near him. And if anyone says 'the father has rights too'. Well if what the OP is saying is correct then I would not have my child anywhere near this creature.

The father has rights, but the child's right will always come before his/her parents.

He sounds like a shit father.

Fathers do have rights in law. But if he is behaving in this way then he has no right to have access to this child in my opinion. Anyone who is as cruel and abusive as this is dangerous. Just awful. What a vile thing he is.

So am i correct tl believe that i am acually being unreasonable allowing him access - even supervised by his parents?

I feel like i am being pressured from so many different angles. It doesnt even feel as though i am allowed to make up my own decision.

But, i suppose - an EA would make it work that way, right?

Do you think social services could hell make the correct decision?

Help - not hell

If this was my childs dad he wouldnt be seeing my child anymore

My childs dad said she could rot in hell lets just say if I get my way hell will freeze over before he comes within a mile of her.

Its so difficult. My son loves his dad. I feel the best way is for supervised contact only. See how things go with that.
I think in the future if he doesnt sort it out, all will have to stop as its just damaging

Dont get social services involved. If if comes to it and you start getting solicitors letters from him then different story. Will make it ten times worse. Does ex do this sort of stuff in front of his parents. Are they complete arseholes nasty people as well

He has very little patience when with his son and parents. They see some, but not all. I imagine though now with him being there full time - they will see it. He doesnt think he does wrong. Hes even pushed my sons head quite hard infront of a shopkeeper. So doubt he would hide things from his parents.

His parents seemed to be nice people. Until she told me i would never see my son again. But the sun shines out my exes arse in her eyes. Which i cant blame her, its her son. But i know she wpuldnt let harm come to her grandson - even if it meant going against her own son.

My solicitor is getting my legal aid sorted for child access stuff now. So we can put it in words through the courts to make sure his contact is supervised by his parents.

I think you need to put in a complaint about her knowledge of safeguarding procedures, that is abuse.

If she can't see that, I'd be concerned that she couldn't spot it in her setting.

YANBU.
It's none of bloody business anyway!

Not only is he an appalling father from what you've said, the Nursery Head is really, REALLY out of order passing judgement on you.

I'm so pleased you are getting the legal aid sorted. My concern with his parents supervising would be what happened over taking your dc from nursery when you ended the relationship.

I would be going for a contact centre access only tbh. Until he had anger management and could prove he would not harm his child, which he is doing currently?

Oh the head has really boiled my piss. The morw i think about it, the more annoyed i get.

I am so worrying over contact this fridy, as you jacks. After what happened last time.

I have had so much pressure surrounding this whole contact thing though - which i understand hlw important itall is.

I just feel like i cannot do right for doing wrong.

He had rang my solicitor asking if i would allow him to have ds til monday. I thought, and thought, and thought...and i just couldnt.

I feel ive gave him tol much time to begin with.

I feel really bad no matter which option i choose. I give hkm access - i feel bad and worried. I set boundaries - i feel bad and worried.

Ahhh

I try just looking from ds point of view and agan, there is no easy option. Every angle.is difficult

You are right to be angry - at your ex.

The headteacher at the nursery is only commenting on what she has seen and heard. Have you actually told her how your ex treats your son? Like you have told us?

If you have not told her, then you can't be angry at her. The headteacher probably only sees the good side of your ex. You can choose to tell her and it sounds like you should. She would then be professionally obliged to review the information you give her and refer you and your family to social services as this is clearly a child protection case.

Your son is at risk from his father. Be angry at your ex. Do what you have to do to protect your son. But do something OP.

I can feel your concern in your writing for you. Pushed your sons head quite hard. Jeez this is not on. No no no no way. You say your son loves his dad. Well it wont be long before your son is damaged by this vile creature. Glad you are taking the right steps forward legally. Thing is in these cases. The judges quite often give the 'awful offfending parent' rights to access even if it is spelt out to them by someone that this parent is unfit to be around a child. They will never take anyones 'word for it'. Especially if it is an ex partner. This is what makes me angry about the family courts. Really feel for you OP