to think that this isn't a good dad...

[wontletmesignin]

Calling their child names.
Wishing they never had their child.
Wishing someone would take their child.
Hoping the cat scratches the childs eye out because he is sick of telling the child to leave it alone.
Calling their chil a cunt.
Repeatedly telling their child there is something wrong with the child.
Dragging the child about.
Dropping the child to the floor, knowing thr child would get hurt.
Shouting at the child because he has had a bad day.
Ignoring the child deliberately.
Telling the child to go away
Telling the child to fuck off
Calling the child a cunt
Telling the child he is going to slap him in the face.
Need i go on?

This child is 3.

Aibu - because i dont think i am.
Yet i have the nursery head teacher telling me he is a good dad. How the hell does she know? Did she live with him?

Telling me i have a good relationship with my other ds dad and wouldnt i like a relationship like that with this one. As if i am just doing what i am doing for the sake of it!
My other ds dad is a good dad!!

Sorry im just a bit enraged by this.
I feel like giving her a list of everything he has done and then asking her to tell me he is a good dad then!

I know im probably overreacting but grrr

For me it would be access supervised in a contact centre.

I have told the headteacher bits of it. It was thr way she was saying it and looking at me. Looking as if she was trying to make me see that i am just upset at my ex and bringing my son into this. Which is NOT the case at all. I tried to help my ex. I actually felt sorry for him. I believed him when he said he didnt want to be that way.

I am doing all that i can. Even if i did stop my ex...his parents havent done anything (apart from tell me they were keeping my son), other than that though. They are good to him. I know that if i just allowed them access, they would then allow him.

I know the courts always try to keep access for both parties. So i know i cant win on this, witb what i REALLY want to do.

I am a strong believer that kids should know both parents. I really am. But i cant help knowing what i know about my ex. This is what makes it so hard. Because i feel my son would be better not knowing him. I feel terrible for feeling like that!!

Contact centres arent long term. I dont believe anger management is needed. I believe he is pychologically disturbed in some way. A personality disorder of some sort.

He is in therapy - but insure now as to whether he is attending.

I will howver, once i get to court about access, demand a psychological assessment, anger management courses, drug tests and parenting classes.
But until then, i have to just (what feels like), sit back and allow whatever.

Hello OP.

I have no experience of this so pardon me if I'm way off the mark.

The fact that you are trying to please everyone including your son as you say he loves his Dad, might be postponing the inevitable, that your ex should only have supervised visits in a centre.
His parents have done something wrong in telling you that you won't see your son again. No caring gps would do this. They will allow your x access even if you or the courts said no. What is worse is you say they have seen some of his rotten behaviour and not stopped him, but seem to be encouraging him.
I know it is hard but maybe thinking long term about the effects he may have on your son is enough for you to stop access. Your son will thank you in years to come when he understands what you saved him from.
He is a complete arse and I wouldn't let anyone like that near my dc.

How do i get there though, now that i have said contact can take place this froday to sunday as long as his parents are there?

Why do i let other people effect what i really want to happen? All of this could have been avoided had i just been assertive!

I am sooooo confused. Again though, im not worrying about 'changing my mind' im worrying about how others will feel over me changing my mind.

I think i need another talk with my solicitor.

Thank you for all of your posts xx

It is really hard to change a 'people-pleasing' pattern of behaviour. But it can be done and you sound like you have real courage.

Thing is, it would be a shame if your son grew up also to be a pleaser. Am deseperate for my kids to not grow up like me in this respect.

I bet you want him to be more assertive and look out for himself. So teach him by doing. He might be cross if you stop contact but when he is older he will look back and be very grateful you were most bothered about putting his needs above that horrible piece of work his father, and protecting him, and being strong.

It sounds really tough. All you can do is your best. Don't be too hard on yourself.