To have reported this woman for harassment in the work place?

[MoveYourArmsLikeHenry]

Dh and I have not been married for long. I am protestant and he is Catholic. Most people were happy for us and didn't give a shit about the cultural differences between us, only cared that we were happy togther, which we most definitely are.

There is this one woman who I work with who is very against "mixed religion" relationships. She wouldn't come to our wedding because it was against her beliefs, and she told us so. Fine, that's her choice and doesn't really affect me.

When work colleagues congratulated me on our marriage she would roll her eyes, tut, raise her eyebrows and generally just behave like a bored toddler. Didn't bother me because I had more bloody important things to worry about that her childish behaviour.

On friday though, she said something that, in my opinion, was bang out of order and downright rude. Another colleague who I am very friendly was telling me about her daughter's christening that is coming up shortly. She was telling me all the details of it; lovely church, nice godparents etc, and I told her how lovely it all sounded. Other colleague, who wasn't even involved in our discussion asked me "How are you going to christen your ds if you are different religion?" I politely told her that we have decided not to christen our son and let him choose to do so himself when he is older, if that's what he wants. She then starts telling me that it was "evil to do this to ds as he needs to be saved"

Cue me asking her what business is it off hers to judge how Dh and I raise our child, this was not appropriate and could she please stop. Only she wouldn't stop. She went as far to tell me that my marriage was "sinful"!

I can't believe someone say say such horrible, inappropriate things to someone else.

Was IU for reporting her to our manager for harassment? Ok, I know I wasn't but I still feel a bit "bad" for it.

[treaclesoda]

I've worked in an office where one person has been offended by another wearing a Claddagh ring. And where one person took another person's refusal to eat a green jelly baby to be a sectarian attack. And where one person complained that another had mentioned watching a Rangers match on tv. I could go on, but you get the idea. This stuff is very deeply ingrained. Unlike the trivial examples I've given, the OP actually does have good reason to be annoyed. Maybe if behaviour such as the OP has experienced was tackled properly, then the trivial crap wouldn't happen at all.

[Trifle]

I find it bizarre thy you would run to your bosses to report a private conversation that didn't go as you wished. She's entitled to her opinion and you are entitled to disagree so if that is the case then stand up to her yourself don't go running to someone else to step in.

[PedantMarina]

Henry. I've changed my mind. Not about reporting the woman for harassment, you're still NBU.

But if the several accusations are correct, you are VVVU. Running in the workplace is against Health & Safety rules.

[pianodoodle]

trifle in the workplace derogatory comments such as telling someone their marriage is sinful because of their religion is extremely inappropriate especially in Northern Ireland.

It would fall under religious discrimination and the OP has a perfect right to report this.

[holidaysarenice]

I could have guessed ur in ireland, most likely the north. In fact I cud write your post.


Usually people like this have no actual religious knowledge. I usually try, does verse 3 on page xxx not spring to mind and wonder off leaving them open mouthed and spluttering.

[TheCraicDealer]

Another one from NI here- I hope to god this dinosaur gets hauled over the coals.

I have to say though, although many PP's have anecdotes similar to this one, the incidence and acceptability of this is declining. I've worked in about 10 different offices, shops, etc and if anyone had come out with anything like this they certainly would not have had any support throughout the wider workforce or by anyone management. Things are changing, slowly, but surely.

buckfast, anyone?

[pianodoodle]

Make mine a pint of Harp and a packets of dates

[QuintesKabooom]

You know, with him being Catholic, it is not your marriage that is sinful, but you.

Yanbu.

[treaclesoda]

Buckfast? Are you from Lurgan?

[SeaSickSal]

Even the Catholic church has said Limbo doesn't exist and non-christened babies go straight to heaven. So not only is she a bitch she's a dumb misinformed one.

It makes me very sad. I am in a mixed Catholic/Prod marriage and my DH is also Irish. My in laws admitted that 20 years ago they would have not been happy, more because of me being English than Protestant, but it is not an issue now and they have been very kind.

Having said that my BIL almost married an NI girl and she did not approve and was extremely nasty to me. I tend to think that a lot of the people who hang onto this kind of stuff re not quite all there.

You should definitely report as this kind of thing will only be stamped out if we don't tolerate it. It will be far better hopefully for children from families like ours if we take a stand and say no.

Do it. And I salute you if you do.

[PedantMarina]

SeaSickSal, OP did do it. So start on that applause!

And you put it very succinctly: this kind of thing will only be stamped out if we don't tolerate it.

[KatOD]

She sounds foul (and not particularly christian!). Report the silly bint.

[pianodoodle]

I can understand English people thinking it all seems a bit thick though.

Fortunately it all seems a bit thick to the vast majority of Northern Irish people too :)

[PedantMarina]

Ooh, don't want to take this too off-topic, but I've stopped using the word "bint" when I learned that it's Arabic for "daughter".

[KatOD]

Really? Thanks for that, hadn't realised! You live up to your name (in a good way) pedantmania .

Sorry, will rephrase, report the moronic, prejudiced twat.

[KatOD]

Oops sorry hope you like your new name pedantmarina (sorry long weekend)

[FuckingFuck]

YANBU, you know that though.

She sounds like a bloody stupid, bigoted, bitter cow. I'm in a 'mixed' relationship in NI and thankfully most people are much more educated and open minded than this woman but there's still a horrible (fairly vocal) minority sadly

When something like this happens to me it just makes me thankful that I grew up in a family who taught me that we are all just the same; good is good and bad is bad no matter what your religious affiliation

[pianodoodle]

I didn't know that either.

I haven't heard it used for ages (though I'm sure it still is)

Rab C Nesbitt was fond of it.

Back on topic - do update us on whether any action is taken I'd be interested to know how seriously your complaint is taken. Hopefully she'll keep her trap shut in future!

[LoveAndDeath]

The thing is, if you actually read the Gospel, Jesus was the type of guy who would make friends with anyone, regardless of race, religion or gender.
Why that woman should think he is the posterboy for bigotry is beyond me.

[MistressDeeCee]

YANBU OP, Id have reported her. You dont come to work to be berated about your personal life or decisions, especially in the presence of work colleagues who can hear all said. If she has to face the consequences of her rudeness and indiscretion then so be it, she shouldve kept her opinions to herself and her nose out of your business in the 1st place.

[PedantMarina]

Exactly, Mistress! Well said.

at KatOD Did you remember my old one?

I'm a little wondering about OP not having come back. Hope she's OK.

[KatOD]

@pedantmarina... No sorry, not good at keeping track of those kind of things.

Op are you ok? Assuming you're just busy.

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

what fucking century is this again?
Hate crime-report not only to your boss, but police too. Nothing to feel guilty about.

[LisaMed]

Grew up surrounded by a lot of this, my grandmother was definitely in that mindset (Liverpool). I shouldn't have been surprised when I brought home my first boyfriend and she asked what religion he was. What she meant was, is he Catholic?

What could I say? He was pagan. I said limply that I thought he was raised a Methodist and left the conversation.

I hate the indoctrination I got, all informally, all subtle, all 'this is how it is'. I hate having to bat down my mother's voice when I am talking to people and the old Catholic/Protestant rubbish comes up. I hate that someone tried to do my thinking for me and has left an echo in my head. I'm actively fighting handing it on to ds, so he can do his own thinking. He might get better at the love that Jesus preached.

It's all catsbum mouth thinking, and it never sounds well on anyone.

Do we have a catsbum mouth emoticon?

[treaclesoda]

The PSNI are stretched to breaking point, if everyone in N Ireland who had to listen to this sort of crap reported it to the police the country would descend into chaos

I'm all for tackling this stuff in the workplace and making it clear that its not acceptable, but I'd rather the police resources on dealing with hate crime were directed towards helping the people who are having their windows broken for living in the 'wrong' area, or being in a mixed relationship.