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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want our house guest to leave in the morning when we do?

114 replies

Melbourme · 10/11/2013 10:44

Help solve a disagreement between me and DH. DH's brother is coming to stay with us overnight one day this week - he is mainly staying with us because we live somewhere that's convenient for the airport, but there is an element of coming to see us because he lives a long way away so we only see him a few times a year so this is a handy 'kills two birds with one stone' scenario. He will also be staying with us for the night when he returns in a few weeks time.

Just for context we all get on well but aren't close (that includes DH and his brother - no falling out, just not that close). The issue is that I want him to leave in the morning when we leave for work - at around 8.30am. DH feels that this is rude and we should let him stay in the flat for the day until he needs to leave for the airport. DH's brother would do whatever we asked him to.

My practical opposition is around double locking the door - but we could solve this by giving him a set of spare keys and him dropping them through the letter box of my sister's who lives a 5 minute walk away. My main reason though is that I just feel really uncomfortable with the idea of someone being in my flat when I'm not there. The flat is very small so it's not as though he'd just be hanging out downstairs like you would in a house. Our bedroom for example is a complete mess at the moment (and no time to tidy it before he comes) and I'd hate for him to have a nose and see it! If he left with us he would be able to go to various local cafes for a few hours, or has to go into central London to get the train to the airport anyway so could find stuff to do there etc. I get that it could be inconvenient though.

This may cause issues the next time he stays as well as that time I will be working from home, but I work in our sitting room and would find it really distracting to have him around during the day - as it's a one bed flat the only other place for him to go would be the tiny kitchen.

So, AIBU in not wanting him to stay in the flat after we've left for work?

OP posts:
Maryz · 10/11/2013 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

McFox · 10/11/2013 11:18

YANTU and rude.

Thats not going to encourage them to become any closer is it?!

We have friends to stay quiet often and they always get a set of keys to drop through the door when they leave.

Melbourme · 10/11/2013 11:18

Zachary - it wouldn't be an issue but it would be a good excuse as to why he needs to leave with us (rather than the more blunt 'it would be distracting for me to have you here') - I'd be out for an hour first thing and then back for the rest of the day.

OP posts:
exexpat · 10/11/2013 11:19

I understand your feelings, but YABU. Presumably if he is on the way to the airport he has luggage, so you would be chucking him out on the street with bags to cart around all day until his flight. Not good.

Maryz · 10/11/2013 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HotCrossPun · 10/11/2013 11:21

Just tidy your room.

MadgeBishop · 10/11/2013 11:21

Yabu.

Solo · 10/11/2013 11:21

I am the most paranoid private person in the world, but even I think YABU!

Maryz · 10/11/2013 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Melbourme · 10/11/2013 11:27

Maryz - in general I don't like people staying in the flat but I am actually glad that he is staying with us as I'm looking forward to seeing him, it's just someone being in the flat when we're not here that makes me feel uncomfortable. Plus the difficulty of when he comes the next time and I will be working in the sitting room (the only room he can also relax in) so he won't be able to watch TV etc, but will just have to sit in silence reading a book or something!

Clearly from the resounding YABU I just have weird issues about this though.

OP posts:
IfNotNowThenWhen · 10/11/2013 11:31

Just what manner of sex toys are you attempting to conceal in this bedroom you are so worried about BIL seeing..!?

reelingintheyears · 10/11/2013 11:31

No need for me to add another YABU then. Grin

PeppiNephrine · 10/11/2013 11:32

yabu. tidy your bedroom and work in there when he comes again.

If you don't want guests don't invite them to stay. This half arsed "stay but piss off fast" is beyond rude. Also try and remember that its not just your flat.

TheDoctrineOfWho · 10/11/2013 11:32

OP, when he cones back, he may well be happy to go and read in a cafe while you work - the main thing is being able to leave his bags, surely?

Salmotrutta · 10/11/2013 11:35

If I can put up with my SIL staying for 10 days then you can jolly well let your BIL hang out at yours until he has to get his flight Grin.

Just let him shove your keys through your sister's door!

Don't be rotten.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 10/11/2013 11:36

I thought YWBU until you said that DH mentioned 'oh, he may just nosy through our PRIVATE bedroom.'

On that alone, YADNBU.

shushpenfold · 10/11/2013 11:37

Sorry - YADBU

Maryz · 10/11/2013 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Melbourme · 10/11/2013 11:38

Peppi - no space to work in the bedroom unfortunately. And not that it matters but we didn't actually invite him to stay - he asked if he could stay the night at ours as he needed to go to the airport the next day. Not that whether we invited him or not effects things really. I know it's not just my flat - hence asking on here to help settle the discussion we were having. My DH is pleased that this has all come out on his side though! And I clearly just have weird personal space issues.

OP posts:
misskatamari · 10/11/2013 11:40

In terms of when you are working from home - can't you just tell him you will be at home working and will be doing so in the lounge without distractions so he might want to go out an about that day?

PeppiNephrine · 10/11/2013 11:40

you can work sitting on your bed. I did for years.

Salmotrutta · 10/11/2013 11:40

I don't actually know any men who would be that interested I nosying around someone else's bedroom Hmm

A garden shed maybe so they could indulge in power tool envy... But a bedroom? Not so much.

Inertia · 10/11/2013 11:41

I think YABU- if it's just a case of leaving half an hour earlier you could justifiably suggest all leaving together, but expecting him to carry his luggage around all day is a bit mean.

Why can't you and DH tidy up beforehand? Has the BIL got form for rummaging in other people's stuff, or theft- if so I wouldn't invite him at all.

When you're working from home, tell him beforehand that he's welcome to stay overnight but you'll need him to be out of the house between X and Y o'clock as you'll be working from home.

Tenacity · 10/11/2013 11:41

OP sometimes being part of family means foregoing a bit of comfort to accommodate other people's needs. The World can't always revolve around us and and our needs.

I think you will gain a lot if you remove the barriers you've placed around yourself and home. You might find yourself actually enjoying the experience, and that you get closer to others.

howmuchwouldyoutake · 10/11/2013 11:45

How untidy can your bedroom possibly be that you can't tidy it before he comes?? Just let the poor bloke stay. I'm sure he won't even think yo go in your room!

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