AIBU to ask my husband to leave after discovering 1898 secret texts to another women!

[Joycey29]

He says I am!

God how did you count that many?

What is his explanation? My ex did similar. Ran up a 1300 quid bill in a month by sending nearly 2000 texts and pic messages to several women. Phone was in my name as well...

I got rid.

You probably should too!

He said she was just a friend despite having just been caught secretly phoning her.
He told me I was bring unreasonable. Couldn't sleep so logged onto Orange to put mind at rest and in 2 months he's clocked up 1898 including 71 on one day and 26 on my actual birthday - I got one!

Yanbu. Why's he think this is acceptable?

He sounds like a Louse.

I m just in shock! Kept saying things weren't right and he said work was bad - I feel so stupid!

Well I take it you've never been introduced to this friend? If the answer is no, then who is she? Why the secrecy if she's just pal? That many texts to one person/friend is not the norm. They are clearly having lengthy conversations/sexting or whatever for the number to be so high IMO. If the situation were reversed, I wonder how he would feel about it! Can you get the number off the bill? You should call her tomorrow to discuss I reckon. ..

Got the number already. No I haven't met her and tried to point out a secret friend wasn't normal but all he said was I don't know - you might have one! I said no because that is not normal!!

How dare he try and turn this back on you.

I'm afraid it sounds like you're going to see some panicked manipulation at work where makes you question yourself, tells your over reacting, tries to enforce that 'it's nothing' blah blah

2000 secret texts to another woman IS NOT NOR EVER WILL BE ACCEPTABLE.

Ltb

His secret friend sounds like an emotional prop/affair, especially if you haven't met nor heard of her. Yes - kick him out today. 71 texts in one day on your birthday whereas you get one is not right!

Do not let him turn it on you - you're not the one who texted someone else secretly. It's all on him.

Chuck him out and move this thread to relationships. He is having a emotional affair with another woman the lying cheating scum.

It'll be tough but you're better off without someone like this in your life.

13 years and 3 small dc make this even harder!
Glad the consensus is that I m not being unreasonable - I was beginning to wonder!!

He didn't do so great at hiding it! I would leave, your only going to be fed bullshit lies, I don't even speak to my partner that much! Or any of my friends!

Secret friend my arse.

Pack his bags and throw him out!

Also I would call the number, try and find out who she is, where she is, is she married/children etc

If its innocent, ask him to show you the texts.

He may be claiming she's just a friend as they haven't actually done anything yet but he is emotionally invested in her and currently in denial.
He probably even tells himself that he wouldn't ever actually cheat on you (and to him that would mean physical not emotional).

I know a married couple who were in the same position he was telling the friend that he felt trapped and unhappy but when the wife found the messages she went nuclear and kicked him out. Suddenly he quite liked being trapped marriage and worked damn hard to stay.
After a lot of counselling and soul searching they sorted things out, friend was binned and they're happy again (I'm sure the trust isn't quite the same though).

Kick him out now, give him a short sharp shock and maybe it's not the end. But he had to see you mean it and realise how close to the edge he is.

I could have written this post about 6 months ago. 15 year relationship, 3dc including a 3 month old baby. I ditched the fucker and am much happier

This is more to do with it being a secret than it is about the volume of texts. That many texts to a friend of the opposite sex is fine, keeping the friend a secret is not.

You do mean secret as in you didn't know she even existed, right? Not just that they were texting each other, right?

No need to ltb until you know exactly what has gone on, but I would be wanting to see the content of the texts pretty sharpish.

omg i'm so so sorry op that situation sounds awful, i know i would boot his butt into next week (not physically of course just meant as a phrase!!!) there's no way he can wriggle out of that one or try to turn it on to you its just wrong of him, sorry but your better off rid of him because tbh i'm not sure i'd be able to trust him again i know if i found my partner had done that he wouldn't be my partner anymore and i def wouldnt call it normal to text someone that many times in a day/month at all!!! dont bother packing for him just throw his clothes out the upstairs window save yourself the effort, energy and possibly let out any anger you may feel out by doing that!!! gl op hugs for you xx

Grrr, excuse the double "right?". Am very tired!

Personally I don't care how long I've been married or how many kids were involved I would ask my husband to leave if he had done this! I can't abide things like this. I don't keep secrets from my husband and I expect the same in return!

Of course you are NBU. How very hurtful.

Hes playing games and having a secret life with this other woman, either in his head or maybe even meeting her too. It is never acceptable to have secret friends in a marriage. He has betrayed you.

Take the phone off him and tell him to leave your home immediately.

Give yourself some time to decide what you want the outcome to be from this.

How has your marriage been recently? Do you consider yourself happy or are there other signs that is going wrong?