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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Brothers engagement announcement on Facebook

50 replies

Namechangingnorma · 09/11/2013 23:46

AIBU to be a bit hurt that I have just found out about my brothers engagement via Facebook? We are pretty close and am suprised I didnt even get a text first before it was announced to the world. I shouldn't say anything apart from congratulating them of couse, should I?

OP posts:
SeaSickSal · 09/11/2013 23:50

You are right, you shouldn't say anything. In the heat of the moment they probably just excitedly decided to share it.

Just congratulate them, anything else would be rude, ungracious and potentially spoil what should be a happy time for them. It would be unfair to spoil that for them in a fit of pique.

Optimist1 · 09/11/2013 23:51

Was this on his FB timeline, or your future SILs? (I'm thinking that perhaps he didn't know she was planning on telling people in such a thoughtless way?)

KerwhizzedMyself · 09/11/2013 23:51

Facebook has changed communication for the worse these days I think. It hurts but best to just congratulate and try to forget it.

diamondsagirlsbestfriend · 09/11/2013 23:52

Are you me?

This is how I found out about my brothers engagment his now fiancee reserected an old post that I had been tagged in, to say they had gotten engaged, turns out that they had no onne on our side of the family knew and my mum was rather put out that that was how they choose to announce it, not even telling her. But the fiancees whole side was told in person etc.

The only thing you really can do is say congratulations and then quitely mutter to yourself about it, i personally find it childish but then alot of my friends jumped on the post of my brothers saying that it was childish of her to announce it that way, so I got to take the high road....

Original poster
Namechangingnorma · 09/11/2013 23:55

The announcement was definitely led by my brother, I am really suprised he chose to do it that way, not usually his style,even less so my sister in law to be. I just feel really sad I found out at the same time as everyone else, but no I wont say anything

OP posts:
Optimist1 · 10/11/2013 00:00

There's a whole new etiquette that hasn't yet been formulated or agreed upon in relation to text/FB announcements, isn't there? I'd be upset in your shoes too, Norma, but agree with other posters that offering your congratulations without comment is the way to go.

SeaSickSal · 10/11/2013 00:05

diamonds are you serious? Your friends response to what is supposed to be one of the happiest moments of their lives was to criticize them for being 'childish' by announcing it on Facebook? What nasty people, that's a far worse thing to do than announcing your engagement on Facebook and much more childish.

Anybody who would respond to an engagement announcement by calling the engagees childish would have to be a monumental cunt.

AgentZigzag · 10/11/2013 00:06

How old are they?

Have they been together long?

Has he been engaged/married before?

If you're close, I doubt he did it knowing it'd hurt you, just from the threads on here you can see that everybody puts everything on their status.

AgentZigzag · 10/11/2013 00:08

We found out MIL was in hospital when SIL was posting it on her fb status Hmm

NoComet · 10/11/2013 00:09

So...
I'm sure my DDs generation will announce everything on FB, instargram and Kik.

DD1 might said a cryptic, miss spelt text, but talk to people, not likely.

Original poster
Namechangingnorma · 10/11/2013 00:13

They are in their 30's, together 6 years, neither married before

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 10/11/2013 00:15

I wouldn't read too much into this,for many FB is their default to break news

WaitingForMe · 10/11/2013 00:23

I don't see the problem. DB proposed to SIL on holiday, someone he barely knew tagged SIL in a photo expressing congratulations.

I saw it in the morning and felt... thrilled. Which is, I believe, a fairly standard response to an engagement.

IAlwaysThought · 10/11/2013 00:23

I wouldn't worry about this. Unless you suspect they did this to be purposely to be offensive I would just let it go and congratulate them.

Save your angst for any future wedding shenanigans Grin

AgentZigzag · 10/11/2013 00:26

Could it be a case of them not wanting to make a big thing of it?

If it's formality and they're planning on a small wedding they're starting it as they mean to go on, and not having huge 'breaking the news' visits is part of that?

Famzilla · 10/11/2013 00:26

Tbh I think that's how my brother found out. DH had told my parents he planned on proposing (was 6 months PG when he proposed so it wasn't really out of the blue) but that was it. We're in our 20's and the thought of calling round to say we were engaged makes me cringe a little. I think I may have text my best friend, I can't really remember.

I rang round and told the important people I was PG however. I would consider it very rude to have just announced that to the world via FB!

Coupon · 10/11/2013 00:27

YANBU. It's polite to tell your closest family and friends first.

SeaSickSal · 10/11/2013 00:35

When I got engaged we told our parents but not brothers. They heard via word of mouth. This may be what's happened with the OP.

It's an incredibly exciting thing to happen, they're probably just on a high and not agonizing about etiquette.

And I think this is just something you have to accept in life too. As you get older, go away to uni then settle with a partner and have children your relationships with your siblings become a lot less important. It's a relationship which is central to your life as you grow up which is a lot more loose later on.

scottishmummy · 10/11/2013 00:36

I think stressing over perceived etiquette is pointless

PetiteRaleuse · 10/11/2013 00:41

optimist why the immediate blame on the woman? OP just congraulate them, don't over think it, Facebook is changing all kinds of communications.

AgentZigzag · 10/11/2013 00:43

People feel so differently about facebook that it rewrites any etiquette rules.

If they felt it was OK to do that I presume they're into their social media, but if you're not, the lack of a face to face with them is bound to feel like they're brushing you off.

If you're close, be secure in the fact that they don't mean it as a brush off.

Optimist1 · 10/11/2013 08:50

Petite it wasn't a suggestion of blame "on the woman". I was suggesting that the OP's brother wasn't the one to have taken the action that hurt her.

SweetestThing · 10/11/2013 08:53

I found out that my brother and his wife were separating when my SIL put a message on Facebook....Hmm

CaptainSweatPants · 10/11/2013 09:00

My dad would have been really upset if all his son in laws hadn't traditionally ask him first

Tradition beats fb anyday

Joysmum · 10/11/2013 09:03

I find the same thing with texting tbh.

If something is newsworthy then talk to someone. At least those who matter most and then do an open text or FBI message.

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