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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Brothers engagement announcement on Facebook

50 replies

Namechangingnorma · 09/11/2013 23:46

AIBU to be a bit hurt that I have just found out about my brothers engagement via Facebook? We are pretty close and am suprised I didnt even get a text first before it was announced to the world. I shouldn't say anything apart from congratulating them of couse, should I?

OP posts:

zippey · 10/11/2013 09:15

I hate some traditions eg asking fil for hand in marriage. Yuk. I would have loved Facebook in my day, saves the hassle of telling everyone, forgetting someone, and as someone who doesn't like making a big deal about things, it's ideal.

Thank God (aka Mark Zukkerburg) for Facebook.

Geckos48 · 10/11/2013 09:18

Hey at least they didn't propose on Facebook!

Sallyingforth · 10/11/2013 09:20

If I was in your place, I would carry on as if I hadn't heard about it. When he told me, I would offer my congratulations. But then I don't use FB so it would be true!

Ghostofsmokeyjoe · 10/11/2013 09:42

my DPs, who at that point had split up several years previously, suddenly announced they were back together via DF's facebook status. They remembered to tell my Dsis but forgot to tell me. I waited days for a phone call in case they wanted to tell me in person, they still forgot to mention it. I had to drag the news out of them 2 weeks later. Tbf, they were a bit embarrassed when they realised, but still!
OP do you think was he supposed to tell his family and she hers and he just forgot, maybe...?

scottishmummy · 10/11/2013 10:46

Interesting op don't object to a text informing of engagement,but dislike FB
A text to inform family of engagement isn't given the approval nod in debretts guide
And text isn't traditional norm if one getting all etiquette about it

Writerwannabe83 · 10/11/2013 10:58

When I got engaged I phoned my mum, my dad (although he knew as fiance had already approached him), my sister and my grandparents and then we went to tell my fiancé's parents. I then text some of my closest friends and then it went straight on FB!!!

I wanted to tell certain people over the phone/to their face because I was super excited and I wanted to hear and see their reactions

FB is a very common form of communication these days but as close family I would expect to have been told over the phone or face to face.

Coupon · 10/11/2013 11:15

If they felt it was OK to do that I presume they're into their social media, but if you're not, the lack of a face to face with them is bound to feel like they're brushing you off.

I agree Agent. Why should one website (FB) trump the usual social norms and good manners? Not everyone uses it or likes it by any means.

ipswichwitch · 10/11/2013 11:18

That would be no good for my family - hardly anyone uses Facebook so nobody would ever find out anything

perplexedpirate · 10/11/2013 11:29

Oh no!
When DB got engaged I was the second person they phoned (after mum).
They said they had to brace themselves for all my screaming. I would have been gutted to find out on FB.
(TBF, I would also have been furious if DH had asked DSDad 'permission' to marry me)

Original poster

Namechangingnorma · 10/11/2013 11:35

Update - had a call from my bro, he was gutted that he had updated facebook first, they had quite a few to drink. I told him not to worry and got the full low down on the proposal

OP posts:

PeppiNephrine · 10/11/2013 11:35

It's not about you. Why do you need to feel special by having the information before other people? What does it matter? It's a kind of arrogance.

RigglinJigglin · 10/11/2013 11:37

Sorry YABU.

It's their engagement, they can announce any which way they choose.

I also hated the cringey telling people thing, it's not for me - we told parents and that was it. Everyone else was word of mouth, including my DSis who I'm very very close too.

Original poster

Namechangingnorma · 10/11/2013 11:38

Peppi - all families are different, its not how we generally operate as a family, we are really close and share important news with each other first generally. Find you calling it arrogant really odd

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 10/11/2013 11:44

It's only arrogant if the OP went off ranting at her brother peppi, and she didn't, she only told us.

I'm glad for you that he called Norma

SlicedLemon · 10/11/2013 11:49

My friend found out about her twin sisters engagement like this.

She was really hurt.

She took a passive aggressive stance of not acknowledging it - pretending she had not seen it online and when anyone else mentioned it in RL (mutual friends etc) she acted shocked and surprised and made it clear she had not been told and say oh it must have been a joke because no one has told me.

Probably not the best thing to do but it did result in her twin sister contacting her to announce her engagement several days later once it had got back to her through mutual friends that her sister didnt know.

Totally pointless but it was my friends way of making a point without being confrontational and "pissing all over" (her words) a happy event.

FB is shit - i wont even go into detail about another friend who found out her mum had died on FB.

NotYoMomma · 10/11/2013 11:49

I dont get why people think they are entitled to be told first

it makes no difference!

its their engagement, their lives, their announcement.

you should be thrilled and that's it. being annoyed re some percieved special privilege is a bit off. it isn't about you

NotYoMomma · 10/11/2013 11:52

if she was my twin she would have been told to get over herself. pretending you dont know when you do to be an arse is pissing all over it. I can imagine the catsbum mouth

scottishmummy · 10/11/2013 11:55

But you're obviously ok with social media,given you're on mn posting about it
You said wouldn't have minded a text?
Is it that you'd not been pre-warned before fb announcement

Sallystyle · 10/11/2013 11:55

I hate FB for this kind of stuff.

I found out my dad had a heart attack via my sisters FB status.

I don't see my dad much and well, it is complicated but she knew I would want to know not read it on FB. Took me a few hours after to get to speak to someone to find out if he was alive or not.

ipswichwitch · 10/11/2013 17:09

Social media has its place but to find out a relative is in hospital via fb is pretty shit. If you have time to plaster it all over fb then you have time to make a quick phone call to the people that matter. What if you don't check fb very often? You'd run the risk of not finding out until its too late.

scottishmummy · 10/11/2013 19:08

Too late for what?let's not catastrophise an announcement on FB
Whilst it may not be the mind yer p and a traditional announcement its a norm for many
Inc the op brother it seems.so if they're comfortable with it,it's ok

rednellie · 10/11/2013 19:18

On a tangent, do people's partners still ask their dad's permission? That is so weird to me. Mind you, I did the proposing...but a man asking another man about a woman's future prospects...?

Op, glad you're brother called. I would have been just the same, we're best mates as well as siblings.

perplexedpirate · 10/11/2013 20:16

Horrible, isn't it red?
This happened with a few friends of mine and they thought it was sweet and romantic.
DH had the good sense not to. I would have said no if he'd gone to DSDad before me. IMO it shows a complete lack of respect.

Coupon · 10/11/2013 20:43

I dont get why people think they are entitled to be told first

No-one has claimed to be "entitled" to be told first. Manners aren't about giving people what they are "entitled" to, they're about considering people's feelings. Obviously a close family member may be disappointed if they're not considered ahead of all and sundry on FB, because it's saying they are no more important than anyone else.

rednellie · 11/11/2013 19:22

Glad I'm not the only one perplexed...was starting to worry

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