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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to ask my neighbour for help?

54 replies

Mrsfrumble · 08/11/2013 15:12

I feel like crap; headache, nausea, upset stomach, and I'm home alone with a 3 year old and a 12 month old. It's 9am here and DH won't be him until 7.

We have a lovely neighbour who lives across the hall, and who is at home during the day. She has no children of her own and is brilliant with mine. Would I be asking too much to see if she would come and play with them for a bit so I can go back to bed?

OP posts:

Annunziata · 08/11/2013 15:13

How well do you know her? I would not really be okay with it to tell you the truth.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 08/11/2013 15:13

It can't hurt to ask. :)

Original poster

Mrsfrumble · 08/11/2013 15:18

Annunciation, do you mean you would not be okay with being asked if you we're my neighbour? Or that you wouldn't ask if you we're me?

I trust her with the children, and I think she would agree if she has no other plans for the day, but I feel bad that I'd never be able to repay the favour in kind.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mrsfrumble · 08/11/2013 15:19

Annunziata, sorry! Stupid iPad.

OP posts:

JRmumma · 08/11/2013 15:19

Would you consider yourself friends or just neighbours? And is it that you don't feel able to look after them, or just want to go back to bed?

I think if it was me id get DH home asap, or call a friend or relative before i asked a neighbour. However if you really don't feel like you are up to caring for them, then you should ask your neighbour. Id ask mine, they are lovely, around all day and have already told me i can knock at any time if i need them.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 08/11/2013 15:20

I'd do this in a heartbeat. Ask. I'm sure she won't mind, and all she can say is no

I love playing with kids. You'll be around.

Original poster

Mrsfrumble · 08/11/2013 15:29

I can look after the children, but it will be a TV and toast day. I've only known the neighbour for a few months, but I consider her a friend. We go to each other's apartments for cups of tea and we took the children out for lunch on Monday.

I'm feeling a bit better so I'll persevere but will call her if I need to. Thanks for the replies, I was worried I was being outrageously cheeky to consider asking.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 08/11/2013 15:44

I think if I were your neighbour and I'd only known you a few months, I'd say yes but I would panic a bit inside that you might be 'one of those' neighbours IYKWIM?

Having said that, I'm sure I'd learn over time that you weren't.

PMDD · 08/11/2013 16:48

Well if she has been friendly in the past this will be a way to become friends as well as neighbours. You could ask her if she can come over for a couple of hours. I would. I don't think you are rude, I think you are desparate.

phantomnamechanger · 08/11/2013 16:55

Unless you physically cannot care for them I think it would be selfish to ask neighbour round to care for them given she my catch the lurgy! If it was morning sickness, migraine or something else non-catching that's a different matter!

phantomnamechanger · 08/11/2013 16:56

she MAY catch, not my

Slavetominidictator · 08/11/2013 16:58

I would have loved it if someone had asked me this when I had no kids. Just ask, she can always so no. Hope you feel better.

Canthisonebeused · 08/11/2013 17:00

If I were your neighbour under the circumstances you describe i would do it without a second thought.

Mintyy · 08/11/2013 17:03

I wouldn't help anybody in these circumstances, I'm afraid, and expose myself to a horrible bug. Not even my best friend. Your dh should come home early and help out.

PeterParkerSays · 08/11/2013 17:03

I ask if she could come over for, say 2 hours, to watch the children whilst you sleep, then she won't have to do nappy changes and you can get drinks / snacks / games set up before you go to bed, but she can still have some time this afternoon to herself - it's not open ended until 7pm.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 08/11/2013 17:08

Some people are extremely mean it appears. If you arrived on my doorstep apologetic but needing help if try to help, even if just an hour.

Would some of you really say no?

No one at the inn.....? (Seasonal comment)

phantomnamechanger · 08/11/2013 17:15

I really don't want this to come across wrong, I'm not being mean, but the PP who said that the DH should come home is right. I have 3 DC, eldest almost 14, and can count on one hand the number of times I have had to do this to DP, when I literally COULD NOT perform basic childcare, or was unfit to drive (one I was suffering dreadful vertigo and could not go do the school run and a couple of times I have had absolutely dreadful tonsillitis with fever and vomiting and being delirious!) Other times I have just had to do my best - even if that meant no cooked food that day and the kids staying in PJs and watching TV nonstop too.

The poorly mum either needs to cope, or get the childrens other parent in to do it. That's what becoming parents is about. Even when ill, you are no longer first priority, you do not have the right to go back to bed feeling sorry for yourself, because have a responsibility to care for the DC. If you are genuinely TOO ILL to do this, then you are too ill to expect your neighbour to come over and risk being ill themselves just so you can rest.

phantomnamechanger · 08/11/2013 17:17

Minnie, the innkeeper is not responsible for these DC though, they have 2 parents. It is NOT the neighbours job to look after them!

Mintyy · 08/11/2013 17:17

Yes, I really would say "no" in the case of an infectious disease! The children have two parents, no need for the neighbour to feel obliged.

Ragwort · 08/11/2013 17:20

Yes, I think you should ask.

So many of us are uptight about asking people for help, in my opinion most people are absolutely delighted to be asked to do something specific. If you phrase it in a way that you understand if it is not convenient etc etc. I am SAHM and I really don't mind looking after other people's children if there is an Inset day, they are off sick, parent just wants to go out. I genuinely don't mind and I think it is great when neighbours help each other out.

I can remember a childless friend offering to take my baby for a walk in his pram years ago, she really enjoyed doing it and it gave me a lovely break - now I like to 'pass the favour on'. .

Canthisonebeused · 08/11/2013 17:21

Infectious disease, oh please get a grip!!!

I honestly am surprised at how many people would be so unhelpful in such an instance.

Ragwort · 08/11/2013 17:22

To clarify, I am a SAHM with a school age child so even if my own child is not at home I would be happy to care for someone else's child if it meant helping them out. .

It takes a village and all that.

Quangle · 08/11/2013 17:26

Agree with phantomnamechanger to be honest. But it may be the chippy single parent in me thinking of all the times I've just had to get through it. Actually it probably is just that - I never ask for help but maybe that's daft.

phantomnamechanger · 08/11/2013 17:26

yes, I really would avoid helping if it is an infectious disease - the kind you would not go to work with and not send the kids to school with, not visit a hospital or nursing home with, so why the heck should the neighbour be expected to come and risk catching it?? This is common sense and in line with NHS guidelines on controlling outbreaks/sickness bugs, some of which can be very debilitating.

If it was something like morning sickness or a migraine, then yes, I would help.

ginslinger · 08/11/2013 17:28

I'd ask and I'd help if I was asked. It takes a village. When did we all get so shut away? When I was a young mum we were always helping each other out (back in the dark ages)

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