Aibu asking well telling oh to leave

[tillytuck]

Me and oh have been together 14 years and have 4 kids aged 12,8,6 and 6 months.
my ds who is 12 has always been femine, he loves dance and panto. He als designs dresses and makes them. I am v proud of ds and his creative side. My oh has not alwas understood it and has made comments jn the past. My ds told me he fancied a boy in his class and it causes massive arguments. My oh has not accepted ds tells himself he will grow out of it all. Last night my ds was measuring my dd for a dress his making her and oh walks in and goes mental picking up my ds materials and throwing them away. I have kicked him out am I being reasonable.

Oh and get in touch with the local LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) group because they may be able to help you with the school issue.

I think you've done the right thing, and you should be really proud of the example you are setting for your children. You will not tolerate homophobic bullshit in your house, and there's the door if you don't like it. Your son is lucky to have a supportive mum like you. I do agree that you should contact your local LGBT group so that they can help support your DS and you with the idiots at school.

Seriously though, your child gets a black eye and his dad tells him it's his own fault? That makes me so Who does that to their own child?

My cousin was your DS at the same age. He went on to be a pretty successful dancer and toured internationally until he injured himself. After that he forged a career for himself in a business and is happy and fulfilled in his own skin.
His Dad was your DH. He could barely bring himself to acknowledge his own son as he grew up and even when my cousin ended up caring for hi before he passed away there was so much bitterness between them because they were so different, his Dad would never ever admit that his youngest son was a good man, just different to him.
His Parents stayed together but they were so unhappy they hardly even spent time in the same room together. She shed very few tears for him when he died.
You did the right thing, hopefully this will shock him into opening his mind.
YANBU.

YANBU. How very sad. You're right to support your son and your OH should get over it or fuck off. It definitely is NOT your job to educate your husband about why his son should come before his homophobia. Fine if he wants to talk to you about his child, but not fine that you should have to convince him that his son is still worthy of his love.

Your OH's comment about the black eye is disgusting and I'm glad you've shown him that you're serious about supporting your DS. Perhaps you could focus on educating your son: "Some people are just [as someone else put it] homophobic arseholes - and it looks like your dad is one of them."

Oh, and I'd love to have a family member who could make clothes for me!! Jealous!

tilly, you can start getting heavy with the school if they don't clamp down on the homophobic bullying.

They need to deal with it - I second the advice of getting in touch with stonewall or whatever local LGBT group is available in your area to get some help and support to deal with this.

Don't doubt yourself for a moment longer! You've done the right thing, not just for your DS but all your children,and yourself.

Homophobia such as those girls showed is not just wrong, it's ILLEGAL. Plain and simple. You sound fab, hope the school gets its act together.

I have a friend whose son is in his 30s now. When he came out in his early 20s , his dad left the family. Not directly as a consequence, but the implication was there. Final straw, kind of thing. I have never asked him how he felt, but I do know that he has not shared some important life events with his dad since.

It will be very hard for your son to know that his dad left because of something so precious and important to his self-esteem and self-image. For that reason alone, I would try to keep the family together with counselling. Your son already has the message that his mum loves him and is on his side. Now aim for the message that you can challenge homophobia and get somewhere.

And of course, the kid is young. He may identify as gay, bi or straight in later life.