To take her out of nursery?

[curiousgeorgie]

My normally very happy DD1 has had a complete turnaround in the past few weeks and has become very sad and cries often. She hardly ever cried before, was a very easy, happy, carefree child. She's 3 and has been very well socialised with me taking her to classes & groups almost every week day since she was about 8 weeks old.

She told me this morning she didn't want to go to nursery. On the walk there, age started to cry. Let me just stress again that this is completely out of character.

We got there and she freaked out. She cried like I've never seen her cry and was kicking and screaming when they tried to take her from me. I left her, as they told me to, and I really wish I hadn't.

I went to collect her and she told me she was very upset. Then she said 'I'm an angry horrible girl'

I have never said that to her in her life. And as far as I'm aware, no one else has either. Where would she get that from if someone had not said it to her at nursery?

WIBU to just take her out and start fresh somewhere else in January?

Yes you would be unreasonae to that without trying to find out what has happened! You need tonspeak with her key worker and possibly the nursery manager. There could be something you should know about going on! Go and speak with them.

I would be worried too but agree that you need to have a good chat with the nursery staff about your concerns first. She's clearly upset about something.

agree. you should try find out what is going on first. that's not to say you shouldn't change her crèche if she is not happy but why is she not happy? wouldn't feel right not getting to the bottom of it.

What did nursery say when you picked her up, my DS's always do a little hand over - I thought his was common practice.
The 'angry girl' comment could have come from another child I know DS picks things up from the other kids and he's 2. It absolutely should not have been said by an adult.
They will have told you to go because 99% of the time kids calm down once the parent has left, it horrible to leave them crying though.
But having said that you know your DD if she is genuinely unhappy there then pull her out.

I'm just really concerned that they've called her an 'angry horrible girl.'

I don't see where else she would have got it from.

So thats why you need to speak to the staff! You need to find out.

They said she'd calmed down but had been angry. That's why I think it was them.

And she is a seriously lovely child, I have never had cause to describe her as angry.

How upsetting for you. I have to admit I would probably take her out immediately.
But as sillybilly has pointed out it does make sense to talk to the nursery staff.

I am a neurotic mother so probably would have taken her out immediately and then sat stroking her hair and saying "Mummy's so sorry" over and over again......
However, to give some advice - why don't you turn up unannounced a few times and peek through the door to see what she's like when you are not there. That should give you an idea of if she is settled or not.

I'd say "we don't say things like you are a nasty horrible girl, why are you saying it?" This gives her the opportunity to tell you without being led so to speak. And then of course if its the nursery, I'd complain vociferously, and remove her immediately. I'm so sorry that's so upsetting.

I'd avoid speaking to the staff first to be honest, if they did say that they will try and put a spin on it if they're that unkind. And then they may be even more cruel.

I would be straight in there ASAP finding out what was going on. I would also be prepared to pull her out if I was not happy with what they said.

I would be very concerned. That sounds like your little one is under quite a lot of stress. I would check this out in a very serious way. Trust your instinct here and don't feel you have to apologise.

I did remove my DD from nursery but the tears and tantrums at drop off and pick up were getting to be an everyday occurrence. it was 4 months before she started in reception anyway and as it turned out it was down to tiredness. She was missing her afternoon nap and nursery was pretty full on. She started crying on the way and then for me an hour before the session ended and started thinking I was not going to collect her at all. It broke my heart to see her sobbing her little heart out
She was bloody miserable and just needed to recharge her batteries.

But I wouldn't be to hasty to remove your DD just yet. Try to get to the bottom of it first. Try to find out exactly what's going on with her by talking to her before talking to the staff.

If things don't improve then I would take her out

I'd be worried but I wouldn't act too quickly, I'd make enquiries first.

And I wouldn't be too bothered by 'angry, horrible girl', it's childish enough vocabulary for another child to have said it to her or even for her to have thought up herself.

There is another thread about nurseries and I would pull her immedialty.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1903045-To-still-feel-disturbed-about-this-nursery

TRUST your daughter, take her out.

Most people know or sense what is wrong with their DD any extreme reaction like this from mine would have been totally obscure. My DD cried like normal when dropping her off the first few times and I was able to watch from outside where she couldnt see me, so I could see her then joining in happy.

If my DD beahved like this without question she would be out.

Oh god, that other nursery thread is horrible.

I did all I could do and took DD to my mums this evening because its her total happy place. "Nanna" chatted with her about nursery and she went to pieces, started crying and told my mum she never wanted to go again. I don't actually think my mum has ever seen her cry so badly before.

So something there is obviously troubling her and I'm so distraught that I've let her be in a place where she is so upset...

I'm not taking her back but I am going to speak to them about it. She told my mum that the 'lady teacher' (they're all female!! No help!!) told her she was an angry horrible girl and wouldn't let her go to the toilet.

This is just so far beyond anything I expected to have to deal with. My poor baby.

I'd have the same concerns. You could speak to them, but if they have said she is an angry, horrible girl are they likely to admit this to you? Likewise if there is other stuff going on, will they admit to it? This doesn't sound right to me. Your daughter should be enjoying nursery. Mine did at age 3. I'd trust your instincts tbh.

But, and I'm sure everyone thinks this of their own child, she's not angry or horrible. Until very recently, she's a total joy. She's got hypermobility so doesn't (can't!) run around, climb things, jump etc. she's very calm, she likes to just sit and do art or read, she's very good at entertaining herself and she's completely selfless with sharing & toys and loves the company of other children. I don't understand really.

I would trust your instincts and take her out. You know your little girl and are able to sense when something is really wrong.

I totally believe you OP about your dd. I don't think what you describe is normal settling in teething problems. Most kids experience that, but your dd has totally changed from carefree to unhappy and saying she is angry and horrible. What else can it be than the nursery? Trust your gut feeling.

Given the character change you describe, I'd take her out immediately (assuming you have alternate childcare) & be in there asking questions.

Oh bless her! She sounds just like my dd (including the hypermobility).

You know your dd best, trust your instincts. Remember that this isn't your fault and you are being a wonderful Mum by listening to your dd's worries.