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To still feel disturbed about this nursery.

(280 Posts)
MrsDrRanj Tue 05-Nov-13 22:43:16

This has been bugging me on and off for years, one of those things where I feel like I should 'do' something because it just doesn't settle in my mind well.

5 years ago, when I was 17, I got an apprenticeship at a nursery through a training course. I'd never had a job, hadn't finished school and was recovering from a breakdown so it was a big deal to me. I was naive and very nervous.

Things happened while I was there that now really bother me, especially as a parent who may have to find a nursery for ds one day.

There was an incident with 2 other apprentices having a shouting match infront of pre school children, including calling eachother 'slags' etc. they were not fired and parents were not informed.

The manager came into the room I worked in and loudly discussed the children's progress infront of them, including declaring that a little boys speech wasn't as it should be and she had suspicions he was colour blind (right infront of the little boy who was 3)

One man punished a preschool boy who suffered with constipation for having an accident by forcing him into a nappy that was too small for him. The boy was screaming and in the end there was poo everywhere including the little boys hair. Another member of staff came and shouted at him but nothing else was done. (I have recently read in the news that this man has now been convicted with voyeurism and possessing indecent images of children which made me go cold)

When I was invited on a work dinner out the leader of the preschool room spent a lot of the night doing impersonations of the children, including taking the piss out of a little girl for not understanding much when English was not her first language.

In general the nursery was badly managed, people were bitchy and mean, apprentices were left in charge when they shouldn't have been etc and thankfully I didn't stay there long. But it still bothers me. The nursery is still running and though there's a chance the staff may have moved on there could also be the same people working there.

The nursery had been rated 'outstanding' by ofsted and was part of a high end chain of nurseries. It has left me terrified of putting DS in nursery as id be devastated if any of the above situations involved my child. I feel awful for not doing anything at the time but I was so inexperienced.

Would you do something now? And if so what? I don't want it to bug me forever I just can't seem to shake it from my mind.

MrsWolowitz Tue 05-Nov-13 22:45:20

I don't have any real advice but that sounds horrible sad

Hollygolightley Tue 05-Nov-13 22:46:57

It sounds terrible! I'd ring and speak to ofsted and just be honest .you were inexperienced then so couldn't do anything. But you are wiser now and I think reporting it would be the best thing especially if it's the same staff there

Feelingfatty Tue 05-Nov-13 22:49:01

Unfortunately that sounds horrible but common. I have worked in a few and that sort of atmosphere breeds nasty bitchy behaviour! Also qualifications are not as high as they should be so half the time people don't even realise what they're doing is completely inappropriate. If you worked ago that long ago it's probably changed a lot of staff and nothing you can do now! Don't beat yourself up you were 17.

HotDogSlaughter Tue 05-Nov-13 22:50:31

Jesus Christ.

I am speechless.

pianodoodle Tue 05-Nov-13 22:50:38

I think I'd report my experience of the place to the relevant authority despite it being so long ago.

Icelollycraving Tue 05-Nov-13 22:51:51

Shit. Could you view it as a prospective parent? Bloody horrific.

Belchica Tue 05-Nov-13 22:52:14

Thats shocking behaviour. Its a shame you didn't report this at the time but i understand you were very young. Have a look online and find their latest ofsted report. If they haven't been reviewed since you left, submit a note to Ofsted based on what you have written here.if they have there is every chance they are no longer outstanding

KerwhizzedMyself Tue 05-Nov-13 22:52:43

Why on earth didnt you do anything back then?!

MrsDrRanj Tue 05-Nov-13 22:53:51

feelingfatty do you really think it's common? That's so depressing.

Feelingfatty Tue 05-Nov-13 22:55:08

Keewhizzed she was only 17 it's hard to know what 'normal' and what's not. The discussing children etc is bad but not something you could report over. Obviously the poo incident is horrific but as she has already explained That man is no longer there...

MrsDrRanj Tue 05-Nov-13 22:56:05

kerwhizzed I was a teenager recovering from a mental breakdown with no experience in a work setting, no idea about confidentiality and what was or wasn't professional etc. as I grew up and especially when I had my son memories would come back and I'd realise how awful it was.

I really do feel terrible.

Feelingfatty Tue 05-Nov-13 22:57:14

Mrsdr I don't think poo is but doing things I wouldn't dream of is in my experience. Like talking about kids, arguing if front of kids/bad words BUT luckily children don't pay any attention to it! I've worked in lovely nurseries and one I left within a few weeks as it had this bitchy vibe, I've never witnessed Abuse like the op is discussing with poo incident . Thankfully!

Feelingfatty Tue 05-Nov-13 22:57:44

Sorry just realised you are op!!

Ledkr Tue 05-Nov-13 22:58:04

As a mum if a two yr old in nursery that made my blood run cold, the thought of a young child being frightened and mistreated whilst his parents aren't there is so upsetting.
Do you know if the sane staff/managers are still there? If so I would call ofsted.
I saw abuse as a very young carer in a nursing home, it stil upsets me twenty odd years later.

MrsDrRanj Tue 05-Nov-13 22:58:26

Do people think it is worth contacting ofsted after all this time? I do worry they will almost laugh at me. That is a good idea about viewing as a prospective parent but id worry about seeing old staff

floatyflo Tue 05-Nov-13 22:58:53

I know a nursery just like this. Outstanding with Ofsted. So I reported to them. Lengthy email and letter with as much detail and info as possible...
They did fuck all. They went in, had a look, and declared all good and well.
Frustrating considering I knew completely different.
I'm guessing social services is the next place to turn to.

Feelingfatty Tue 05-Nov-13 22:59:36

I think if like you say man had left then the ladies that are they may be much more experienced/grown up/better at their jobs and the problems may not be there anymore. I think it's to late now.

KerwhizzedMyself Tue 05-Nov-13 22:59:52

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound so OTT with my first comment. It just terrifies me that your age is an excuse for not reporting that behaviour when nowadays we still have 16 and 17 year olds working with children. I don't mean that in a negative way at you. I mean, it's scary that people this age are trusted with children despite so many people saying its okay you were only young.

Yermina Tue 05-Nov-13 23:06:04

The OP doesn't surprise me. I used to teach on a CACHE course. My colleague who was responsible for going in to nurseries to do observations of students on placement used to come back utterly depressed by what she'd seen.

There were some wonderful students but sadly also some who had clearly been very poorly parented and I suspected were bringing a lot of their suboptimal nurturing experiences with them to their work.

stopgap Wed 06-Nov-13 01:09:21

My 17-year-old cousin did a placement in an OFSTED outstanding nursery last year, and while the place was clean and efficient, she was routinely told to leave not to pick up crying babies and leave them be, so as not to "spoil" them.

It must be incredibly hard as a working parent to sort the wheat from the chaff, when the ratings system seems so utterly flawed.

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones Wed 06-Nov-13 01:25:23

I'm also not surprised, sadly. When ds1 was a baby we lived in a very nice area, with lots of working mums - the local nursery was one of a chain but had a high turnover of staff. I met two ex-staff who had worked there (who were then private nannies) who told stories like this - including the "don't pick them up and cuddle them - or they'll expect it every day."

minglemanglemunchkin Wed 06-Nov-13 03:24:12

If these things are still hanging over you, I definitely think you should report your concerns to ofsted. It is their call whether they act on the information or not, but at least you can take comfort that you have reported your concerns to the appropriate authorities and that way the responsibility is taken off you. Lots of investigations happen years down the line, and surely it's a case of better late than never.

janey68 Wed 06-Nov-13 07:37:23

It sounds awful, and while I appreciate that you were young and inexperienced, I am surprised its taken so long for you to realise that yes, of course you should report it.

Btw I would always recommend parents do plenty of unannounced drop ins and also make use of the webcam facilities some nurseries have when picking childcare provision. And ofsted ratings don't mean a huge amount IMO. Unfortunately you get a minority of rubbish places, just as you get a minority of rubbish parents, but thank god most places aren't like this.

So yes, please report, I'm surprised you even need to ask

Shonajoy Wed 06-Nov-13 17:41:26

Part of the problem is nurseries employ young people as they are cheaper. People routinely pay more for a cleaner or a gardener, than they do for child care. And it's a hard job. I do hope you report them.

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