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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In not understanding the problem?

47 replies

Nicknameinvalid · 06/11/2013 16:57

Okay this might be a bit long.. Sorry!

My ds has ASD.. He can't cope with the hectic start to the morning in class.. Parents in the room, very packed and loud etc.. We have now established a routine whereby we go into class, do morning work and then go out into the at ground and play football till just before the bell goes (he is ALWAYS in class before the bell goes) - this is working well and have had no issues in getting him into class since it started.. (Previous to this he was hysterical every morning and running out of class etc)

A couple of other boys have now joined in.. Again they finish there morning work first (doors open at 8:45 but bell doesn't go till 9am) and then get back into class before the bell goes.. Again no problem.

Today one of the mums was really angry that her ds had ran outside to play football as she doesn't want him doing it. She's now complained to the head teacher that if special allowances have to be given for my child the option shouldn't be there for the other children and as she can't stop her child () from not leaving the class everyone else shouldn't do it.

I don't understand the problem, the kids aren't late for school (if anything one mum said her ds was happier to move in the morning to get his morning work done so he got a reward) and it doesn't hurt anyone.. My ds is now utterly confused as this has been happening for months and he doesn't understand why it has to stop..

Head teacher is 'considering' what to do..

So... AIBU in not understanding the issue and also thinking that if some kids want to kick a football around without it impacting on their class work (teacher didn't have an issue with it prior to this) then it's for individual parents to decide?

OP posts:

Sirzy · 06/11/2013 17:02

I can see why it would be an issue if lots of childen started wanting to join in tbh - I assume the idea of morning work is to get everyone into the class and engaged/calm quickly which if a section of children are then rushing the work and going back out it sort of undoes this, and I guess it could quite easily start other classes wanting to do the same.

It's great it works for your son but ican see why they wouldn't want it to become the done thing for all.

Original poster

Nicknameinvalid · 06/11/2013 17:03

I should add (sorry to drip feed) it's hard enough to form friendships at the school due to ds's presentation on occasion.. I really don't want to fall out with anyone over it.. If I stop bringing the football to school in the morning my ds will go back to sensory overload and will not be able to cope... I can't stop other children from joining in though!

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 06/11/2013 17:06

Could the teacher give your ds a job to do that would take him out of the classroom? Or assign him a small, calmer area where he could read/do early work until 9?

Original poster

Nicknameinvalid · 06/11/2013 17:06

Sirzy I can understand that Completely, I suppose that the problem originally was with my son melting down In the mornings it was high distracting to the other children doing their morning work.. Originally I was taking him outside till the parents left.. But 15 minutes of standing in an empty playground wasn't working so I brought the football to keep him engaged till the parents had left the classroom.. Then it just evolved.

Bugger :/ not sure how to undo this!

OP posts:

Original poster

Nicknameinvalid · 06/11/2013 17:08

They are in a demountable classroom in the playground.. So not in the main school building.. And tbh the main building is just as chaotic.. Ds couldn't go in without an adult and his 1:1 doesn't start till 9am..

OP posts:

Lancelottie · 06/11/2013 17:10

Why on earth are all the other parents in the classroom? If I was the head I'd be reconsidering that part of things really quickly.

Then no one will be around to make snidey comments about what your son does.

YouTheCat · 06/11/2013 17:10

Maybe school needs to review its policy of allowing parents into the classroom in the mornings?

Original poster

Nicknameinvalid · 06/11/2013 17:11

Lance, I would say maybe 2 children don't have a parent bat stays.. So 30 kids.. That's 58 people on average in a classroom

OP posts:

Sirzy · 06/11/2013 17:14

Can you not try to change your morning routine so that your DS gets to school for 9 or just after when all the parents have left?

I do think having parents hanging around in the classroom is really bizzare though - how old are they?

Sparklymommy · 06/11/2013 17:15

I am intrigued by this! At our school children do not go into class until the bell rings. In fact the bell goes, they line up and the teachers lead them into class from the playground. On wet days they line up in the hall.

I think the other parent maybe has an issue with "special arrangements" being made for your son. That is her problem, not yours. You have found a routine that works well for your child and the school should be doing everything in their power to assist with this. If she doesn't want her son to join in then maybe she needs to be asked why this is a problem!

exexpat · 06/11/2013 17:17

How old are they? Parents in the classroom were discouraged after the first couple of weeks of reception at my DCs' school - I can imagine it would be chaos. Does the school always allow/encourage this?

Original poster

Nicknameinvalid · 06/11/2013 17:18

They are year 3 children.. But it's the same for every class right up to year 6, though arguably most don't stay for year 6 but they can if they want!

I can't drop ds for 9 as that means dd is late for school.. Unless I sat in carpark with ds after dropping dd off... I suppose that's an option!

OP posts:

Original poster

Nicknameinvalid · 06/11/2013 17:19

It is chaos.. Though it was a bloody lot worse when they had everyone PLUS a autistic 7 year old screaming and smashing his head!

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 06/11/2013 17:20

We have this at school. I have problems with it as I'm usually trying to get organised for my phonics group and having to negotiate parents who have no bloody common sense is a pain in the arse.

I don't see why they can't be dropped at the door. If you need to see the teacher, make an appointment.

Original poster

Nicknameinvalid · 06/11/2013 17:22

Youthcat, I have no objections to leaving ds at the door IF it was a calm environment.. If I left him at the moment he would bolt without any doubt at all..

OP posts:

Lancelottie · 06/11/2013 17:25

I think Youthecat was directing that at all the other parents rather than you, Nickname!

Original poster

Nicknameinvalid · 06/11/2013 17:28

Oh. Lol - well in that case YES PLEASE!!

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 06/11/2013 17:28

Yes I was. Sorry, if you thought I meant you, Nickname.

So a no-parent policy would mean all children settle much quicker into their day, including your ds.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 06/11/2013 17:28

I think it is utter madness to allow parents in the classroom beyond the first week or so of year 1! Why on earth does the school do that?

WorraLiberty · 06/11/2013 17:31

The Mother needs to woman up

If she can't stop her child from doing something, she needs to either accept he's going to do it, or learn to parent more effectively.

It's not your problem OP.

YouTheCat · 06/11/2013 17:31

They fuss putting their child's packed lunch on the trolley (that the child should do themselves). They fuss at the water fountain (that child can also do themselves). They get in the way. They stand about chatting.

Tbh I can see where some of the kids get all the fussing from.

SunshineMMum · 06/11/2013 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Nicknameinvalid · 06/11/2013 19:16

Worra, that was my initial reaction tbh. There are 4 boys who play reguarly.. All of their parents are fine with it - no one discriminates or anything and the rule is morning work is done first (for example this mornings was thinking up words with th in) I made ds think up 10 examples and then we went outside.. 2 kids joined us a few minutes later.. If she doesn't want her child doing it I can understand that (well I can't but I respect her right to say no) but I think getting the head teacher involved in something that has been going on since September and caused no issues because she can't/won't stop her child from doing it is somewhat unfair.. But then I can also understand previous posters stating about the need for quiet time in mornings.. If it was quiet then I would agree but it's not and tbh I can't see the school changing the whole policy about parents in classrooms based on one child playing football :)

OP posts:

RenterNomad · 06/11/2013 19:55

At our primary, parents weren't even allowed in at Reception!

This is something the school can and should sort out. Why are they making things so hard for everyone?!

RenterNomad · 06/11/2013 19:57

" tbh I can't see the school changing the whole policy about parents in classrooms based on one child playing footballsmile"

Cross posted with you rhere, but why do you think they're so wedded to a policy which can only cause stress?

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