aibu in not encouraging my ds's interest in chess

[poopadoop]

my ds (8) does lots of activities, mainly music and sports. He has a tendency to get very obsessive about things, and concerns have been raised about his communication/social skills - he can concentrate for very long periods of time to the exclusion of all else and is sometimes very uncommunicative. His school have counselled against having him assessed for ASD and I've been advised to just try to help with his social skills - eg role-playing making conversation about subjects other than his current obsession..

Anyway, one of his latest obsessions is chess, which he plays one lunchtime a week in school. He hasn't been playing long but seems to be good at it, partly I think due to his ability to focus! He is keen to do an intensive chess camp (6 hours a day for 5 days) next half term but I'd prefer him to go to a general sports camp with a friend as I think it would be more relaxed and be better for his social skills. His chess teacher who would be running the camp emphasises games should be played in silence.

Anyway, AIBU to not encourage the interest in chess and more specifically in not 'allowing' him go to the camp? He is very upset about it and I'm worried about whether I'm doing the right thing in not letting him do something that he is passionate about but might further entrench his quirks. I'm not trying to fundamentally change his personality, but just maybe help him be less obsessive...

I'm confused why the school isn't encouraging an assesment, I would definitly be pushing for that tbh- I think it's bizzare that they're reluctant.

Struggling socially can be so difficult for children when as they grow up and become adults, even if currently he seems fine. Having a diagnosis of some sort can really give some reasons and understanding of certain behaviour and why they're happening- when then makes helping the problem areas like social skills and obsessions be managed and undersood.

I see your dilema with the camp but I'd let him go on it. It's one week of his life and the confidence perhaps he gains from being sucessful at chess can help with social skills, he also may meet other children who he has more in common with.

As long as more social activities are still ocurring in day to day life there's no reason that one week can't be spent doing something he really enjoys!

YABU

Let him play chess.
Why can't he interact with the other kids at the chess camp?

If he was a typical child I'd say chess. However I work with children with ASD/OCD etc and I agree its really important to push social boundaries/interactions and to a certain degree limit activities which could become all consuming to an extremely unhealthy degree.

If your DS has social skills issues then the chess camp may be quite good for him. My experience of chess competitions is that the kids chat and swap computer games in between games though they focus fiercely during the games. And meeting other kids who are as keen on chess as he is will be good for him (yes there are plenty of chess obsessives with social skills issues, he will not be alone!)