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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder what people think is acceptable during sick leave?

69 replies

jjkkllmm · 04/11/2013 12:57

I am currently on sick leave after an op, and feel guilty when I go to the supermarket to buy bits with my dh. Should I be housebound? AIBU to feel guilty?

A friend on wonderful FB is currently on sick leave with a bad back, and is posting photos of going to parties, cinema, restaurants etc. AIBU to wonder why she thinks she can do all that stuff whilst being off sick?

I live in fear of being repremanded whilst on sick leave.

What do people think is reasonable?

OP posts:
CrohnicallyTired · 04/11/2013 12:59

Depends on the reason. After an op, you should be doing what you feel capable of doing, basically building your strength back up. If you have a bad back and can't lift or stand for long (for example) then you should be avoiding doing those sorts of things while off sick. If you are off with stress or mental health problems, you should be off doing anything that cheers you up!

Sparklingbrook · 04/11/2013 13:00

You need to do things that are necessary even if on sick leave.

It depends what you are off with to a certain extent and what your job involves.

pointyfangs · 04/11/2013 13:01

If you are not well enough to work, then you are not well enough to work. Being able to pop to the supermarket does not mean you are well enough to work.

As for your friend, she needs a better friend than you if this is how you feel about her. Sitting through a film or a restaurant meal with a bad back does not mean she is faking it. Nor goes going to parties. You have bought into the Daily Mail spin that says that you aren't really ill unless you are languishing in bed 24/7 going 'Woe is me' on those few occasions when you have the strength to do so.

All in all YABVU.

MammaTJ · 04/11/2013 13:03

There is a huge difference between being able to shop and being able to work!

Beastofburden · 04/11/2013 13:04

I remember that feeling when I was off school ill; my mum would insist on taking me shopping with her and I lived in fear of being spotted :)

But with adults, it comes down to: what is the medical advice?

After your op, are you advised to keep mobile, take gentle exercise, etc? Generally people are advised to do more than sit on the sofa after an op. There's a big difference between being well enough to go shopping for half an hour, and doing a full day's work.

I think a recognised recovery period after an op, with gentle exercise built in, is easy for work to understand.

Being off sick with "a bad back" is less easy to assess. Again, it will depend on what the medical advice is about rest vs exercise. She won't have been advised to sit still and do nothing. But if she is just partying then work will rumble her soon enough.

livinginwonderland · 04/11/2013 13:04

I was signed off for a week last month with a stomach bug/flu type illness. I still had to buy groceries and go out for necessities. Work can't say anything if you've been signed off by a doctor.

Original poster
jjkkllmm · 04/11/2013 13:04

I am not being a horrible friend - I don't for a minute think she is faking it, as I said in post I am more in fear of being reprimanded.

I fear that by posting such things on FB, she could lose her job.

I fear that by going to the supermarket and a colleague bumping into me that I could lose my job.

OP posts:
SeaSickSal · 04/11/2013 13:04

Agree with SparklingBrook. It's okay to do necessities like food shopping, visits to the doctor or things that will help with recovery like a walk.

Things like the cinema etc are probably best saved for just before your return to work when you're building up to being out and about more.

Absolute no-nos are going to the pub, clubbing or foreign holidays. I have known people be sacked for that.

Beastofburden · 04/11/2013 13:06

JJKKLLMM if you are scared of this, get your doctor to email you with advice you could show work, eg "normal daily activities are fine during your recovery period and you should try to take some gentle exercise every day"

Original poster
jjkkllmm · 04/11/2013 13:15

Oh good to see I won't get fired by doing mundane minimal activities. I honestly can't do any more, and need a lie down after (as I suspect my friend does too).

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 04/11/2013 13:23

I've been off sick for the last 10 weeks and have got another 2 to go yes, I am very bored. I have been super aware of what I have been doing, constantly thinking, "Should I be doing this whilst I'm off sick?" Hmm ?To be honest, the most active thing I have done is go out for a meal with my husband last weekend, other than that doing the weekly shopping has been the highlight of my social life Smile

Beastofburden · 04/11/2013 13:23

jj- not promising. depends on your op. get advice from your GP if you want to be covered.

Sparklingbrook · 04/11/2013 13:24

There is a huge difference between popping to the shops and an 8 hour shift at work.

towicymru · 04/11/2013 13:26

If you lived on your own you would have to go out shopping so don't worry. As long as the things you are doing are consistent with what you should be able to do with your condition/rehab after op you are fine.

Being signed off by a doctor by the way does not mean that you won't get in trouble. I know of someone who was signed off sick by his GP but was then witnessed building a wall in his front garden and he was dismissed. Another person at the same company who was suffering from depression was given permission by the company to take part in a marathon whilst off sick as it was felt that the running was good for her recovery (endorphins or something).

Vintagecakeisstillnice · 04/11/2013 13:34

I'm off sick long term with back issues at the moment and have been told off by work Occ Health for not doing more 'fun' things. .

Their attitude is that (a) I'm an adult and (b) a medical professional has made the decision that I am not fit for work at present. So I should be doing what I need to and that some of that should be 'fun' so as to prevent depression.

Back issues can be very difficult to assess and I do find that most GPs tend to be very dissmissive so the fact that she has been signed off means someone has seen something there and if pulled up she should be able to prove it.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali · 04/11/2013 13:39

I've had this.

Colleagues seeing me in Tesco and giving me the Hmm look.

I was off with anxiety/depression (have resigned since).

Life still goes on. You still have to shop for food/loo roll/etc. You still need to take children to school. You might 'fancy' a walk.

Big difference between picking up a cauliflower in Tesco and doing a 9 hour day at work.

Blossomflowers · 04/11/2013 13:45

You sounds conscientious OP I once had a woman who worked for me who was on "sick leave" with balance related illness, I was sympathetic until I found out she went to Mexico on holiday and was snorkelling Shock

Lovemy3kids · 04/11/2013 13:46

I'm currently on my 2nd week of being signed off (which is my 3rd week off as self certificated the first week) with a chest infection and lethargy. I am like you jjkkllmm and fear leaving the house in case I am seen and questioned. I haven't been to the local shops at all, my eldest pops out for milk every couple of days and I have now gone back to Internet shopping.

pointyfangs · 04/11/2013 13:46

OP, I owe you an apology. Flowers I didn't think you might be thinking from the employer's perspective and of course you have a legitimate concern because some employers and colleagues are very U and take exactly the view I accused you of having. I'm very sorry to have jumped down your throat.

whereisthewitch · 04/11/2013 13:48

If you have a sick line your employer cannot do or say anything. A person in my team in work went to Australia when off on sick leave for stress.

Original poster
jjkkllmm · 04/11/2013 13:56

Apology accepted pointy.

I don't do recovery very well (in fairness who does?) So am trying to keep the balance of doing whilst not over doing and keeping my job!

OP posts:
Blossomflowers · 04/11/2013 14:16

where sorry what is your point. Do you think someone going on holiday is ok when being paid to be off sick?

Lweji · 04/11/2013 14:26

If you are recovering from an operation you should walk about until you are fit to work. If you sat at home the whole day, recovery would probably take much longer, depending on what it was about.

Regarding the bad back, it depends on her work. And she could have good and bad days. She could go to a party for say an hour or two and do a lot of sitting, whilst at work she might have to stand for hours.

In fact, I know someone who should have been reprimanded for not moving about enough, as it delayed his recovery from a knee op. Grin

BabeRuthless · 04/11/2013 14:31

At an old workplace there were suspicions that a colleague on long term sick was taking the piss (again think things posted on Facebook) HR said that a sick note overrides anything else. They used the example that the colleague in question could be turning cartwheels in the car park and it still wouldn't matter!

Tee2072 · 04/11/2013 14:33

If you are off work due to illness, no matter what kind of illness, you are free to do what you like.

That includes a trip to Australia if you feel up to it.

There's a huge difference between being on holiday and being at work.

For one thing, work frowns upon taking a nap mid afternoon. Holiday allows for it.

People's disapproval of my activities while off ill are only one of the reasons I'm so glad I freelance now.