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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse to view a house if I have to remove my shoes?

406 replies

iliketea · 04/11/2013 09:01

I'm happy to be told IABU....

We are currently house hunting. A few of the houses we've requested to view have asked us to remove our shoes at the door. At that point, I've said I'm not viewing a house in my socks and stopped the viewin before it's even started if the shoe thing is non-negotiable.

AIBU? it's not that i mind taking my shoes off when I'm visiting a friend - and generally do take my shoes in friends homes, but I find it weird that if you are trying to sell your house that you expect viewers to take their shoes off.

Or am I likely to miss a really great house and just suck it up / make sure i've got non-holey, matching socks wheb we go to view a house?

OP posts:
AnandaTimeIn · 04/11/2013 15:40

Wow. You have your priorities all upside down.

More worried about mismatching/holey socks than finding a suitable house. Smile

Keep some old slippers in the car.....

Bettercallsaul1 · 04/11/2013 15:41

"The new custom can sod off" doesn't sound like the epitome of tolerance to me.

squoosh · 04/11/2013 15:46

Good grief, yes 'the new custom can sod off' in relation to my home. I think I've made it abundantly clear in my posts that I will not been requesting any visitors to take their shoes off. Sorry that you have difficulty understanding that.

BlingBang · 04/11/2013 15:46

And you sound tolerant yourself of course, maybe you think it has to be your way or no way.

clubnail · 04/11/2013 15:48

It's not dirt I object to you trampling through my non-pristine house, it is the dog and cat poo that you can't necessarily see as you walk about the pavements. How on earth is this difficult to understand?

Mouthfulofquiz · 04/11/2013 15:51

I haven't read all of the replies to this but I think it's very weird to have to take shoes off inside full stop!!

Bettercallsaul1 · 04/11/2013 15:55

Youcancall - But it's not inhospitable to ask visitors to "de-shoe", if you have no shoes on yourself. All my friends would do this anyway, without any prompting, just as I would in their homes.

As far as I'm concerned, real hospitality begins when you are inside - showing your guest to a comfy seat, offering tea or coffee etc, while talking and acting in a friendly, welcoming manner. The real test of hospitality is nothing to do with footwear but being genuinely interested in the other person's life. If someone was genuinely offended at my "no-shoe" policy, I would question their values and intelligence.

Obviously, I'm responding to the general question at the moment, not the particular instance of house-viewing.

Grennie · 04/11/2013 16:00

The issue isn't being offended. The issue is that some people do not feel comfortable being shoeless and that for some, taking shoes off and on can be really difficult

Making someone feel comfortable includes not ignoring their disabilities or their feelings.

Bettercallsaul1 · 04/11/2013 16:00

Blingblang - My way in my house, as that is the only house that is relevant. But I wouldn't ever say that that a harmless practice, that is different from mine , should "sod off". That is what is intolerant.

clubnail · 04/11/2013 16:01

I was brought up to believe that a guest's comfort was paramount. That how you treated people was more important than any possession you may have.
No guest's comfort is more important to me than my child not being exposed to the possibility of crawling around in dog poo in his own home.

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/11/2013 16:01

And what about the children living in the houses? Does their health come below a complete stranger who's got shit on his shoes?

clubnail · 04/11/2013 16:02

Or the vomit on the pavement after a weeekend night out.

MistAllChuckingFrighty · 04/11/2013 16:03

Some strong feelings about shoes/no shoes here Smile

So far, the thread seems to be approx 50/50

Perhaps we should all agree to disagree ?

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/11/2013 16:04

Parasite eggs, human waste from public toilets, spit, slug /sail insides .....

Grennie · 04/11/2013 16:05

As someone with chronic health problems, I am far more likely to catch something off your young children, than they are off my shoes.

squoosh · 04/11/2013 16:07

Bettercallsaul1 please desist with your deliberate misinterpretation of my words, tis very tiresome.

Bettercallsaul1 · 04/11/2013 16:09

But, I keep saying, Grennie, that I have never met anyone who objected to taking their shoes off when asked politely. Quite the contrary, many strangers offer to take them off before I get the chance to ask them! That is what I meant by customs changing - it is now the normal thing to lots of people.

I quite appreciate that you have had a different experience and feel differently though.

YoucancallmeQueenBee · 04/11/2013 16:11

You see I just don't think that most people's shoes are coated in dog poo or that if you wipe your shoes properly as you enter a house, on a door mat that you will bring in vast quantities of anything.

The human body is designed to deal with dirt, that's why we have an immune system. Before we all lived in houses, babies & toddlers would have crawled about outside & somehow the human race survived.

As I said, it is about respect. If you know your shoes are dirty, then you remove them. Regardless of whether you think they are dirty or clean, you give them a good wipe on the door mat.

Do all of you who insist people take off their shoes because you are worried about your crawling children, allow your offspring to go to a nursery or school?

Gileswithachainsaw · 04/11/2013 16:14

I don't understand why people are so easily offended. We follow courteous practices everyday without being asked.

We are quiet in libraries

Use hand gel in hospitals

Wait our turn in shops

We say please and thank you

Have our music low on the bus

Why on earth is removing shoes any different.

Bettercallsaul1 · 04/11/2013 16:16

Sqoosh, I am sorry if I have misinterpreted what you said - it is certainly not deliberate. I thought that you were saying that my asking people to remove their shoes at my door was a custom that should "sod off". If you meant that you simply have no truck with that custom personally at your house, then I apologise for my over-hasty reading of your post.

Lucyccfc · 04/11/2013 16:18

It's shoes off in my house, or you don't come in! I look after all my friends and guests very well, but I also want my carpets to stay clean. None of my friends have ever objected, and we take our shoes off when we go,to their houses too. I find it really odd that people would walk into someone's house with shoes on - it's gross.

One of my neighbours came in the other week and my 8 year old asked them to take their shoes off - her face was a picture bless her.

A big reminder for me was when I had a charity collection bloke come round to take away some bedroom furniture. As I didn't think they would be here too long, I didn't ask them to remove their shoes. Yes, you guessed it - dog shit all up the stairs and on my sons bedroom carpet. I now ask all trades people to remove their shoes or I give them the blue covers that I swipe from the local swimming pool.

BakerStreet · 04/11/2013 16:26

When we were last viewing houses we viewed loads where we had to take shoes off, Most of them were on a new build estate with the compulsory beige/cream carpets, sometimes shoe covers were provided but taking shoes off not an issue if it meant we found our perfect house.

I get twitchy if people automatically take shoes off here as we don't have any carpets downstairs. We replaced them as the compulsory beige carpets were a nightmare to keep clean, (Even with shoe's removed) so totally respect anyone who have this as a house rule

valiumredhead · 04/11/2013 16:27

I'm not sure I have ever asked anyone to remove their shoes tbh, everyone just offers and I say yes. In the winter I say yes please as it's muddy and wet out, don't bother in the summer.

squoosh · 04/11/2013 16:27

Thanks Better. I was honestly only talking about my home. I wouldn't dream of dictating what people should do in their own house! Certainly I would take my shoes off if requested, I'm a very good guest, I even once ate lamb's heart that someone cooked for me with a smile on my face. I was not smiling inwardly!

Bettercallsaul1 · 04/11/2013 16:32

Yes, but Youcancall, many nurseries do now ask children to change out of outdoor shoes into indoor ones as soon as they arrive - the one that I go to certainly does.

I see "de-shoeing" as just another strand in the general rise in health and hygiene. Passive smoking was suffered by many for decades as it didn't seem to carry obvious risks - compared to smoking itself - and it is comparatively recently that unpolluted air has been accepted, and demanded, as the norm.

Likewise, it used to be commonplace for dogs to be allowed to foul whatever space they were in and children often played in polluted parks and grass. Again, this is something we no longer tolerate.

I think we are gradually demanding a cleaner and healthier environment in all areas of our lives and this now includes our homes.