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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like a dirty little secret?

40 replies

BoyMeetsWorld · 03/11/2013 15:42

So I'm almost 37 weeks pregnant with second baby.

Sister in law, who lives 3 hour round journey away, was throwing a Halloween party. I didn't really want to go that far away from our hospital etc - especially as I really don't like the one in the area where they live. Add to that the fact that I'm feeling generally uncomfortable & exhausted. But I was more than happy for DH & DS to go.

Instead of just telling Si that it's too close to my due date & I'm not really feeling up to it, DH concocts this elaborate lie at the last minute about how I kept waking through the night so stayed home to sleep.

AIBU to feel that a) I shouldn't have to defend my decision not to want to travel to a party involving a 3 hr round journey at almost full term? b) by lying about me, he's made me feel like I have something to be ashamed of by not going c) he's putting his sisters feelings before mine. Which is usually the case tbh.

AIBU?

OP posts:

ChocolateBiscuitCake · 03/11/2013 15:56

You are very hormonal and undoubtedly shattered. Saying you were tired is a lot more plausible than you were worried about going into early labour!?!

Can't really see the issue tbh. Enjoy the rest.

YABU I'm afraid.

Bearfrills · 03/11/2013 15:59

I think YABU. By your own admission you're exhausted and uncomfortable so saying you stayed home to rest really isn't an enormous stretch of the truth and far less likely to prompt any eye rolling responses than "she's worried she might go into labour miles from home" (not saying your SIL is the eye rolling type but some people are, you know?)

BoundandRebound · 03/11/2013 16:01

Yeah yabu

TigOldBitties · 03/11/2013 16:02

Yabu I think saying your tired and need to stay home is better as an excuse than saying you don't want to go into labour and don't like their local hospital.

I cannot see the connection between the alternate excuse and seeing you as a dirty little secret.

I think your reaction is over the top.

Moxiegirl · 03/11/2013 16:03

Yabu and overreacting to what is a little white lie not designed to offend anyone.

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/11/2013 16:04

Yabu.

GinGinGin · 03/11/2013 16:07

I don't think YABU. I turned down a 5 hr trip nearly 2 months prior to my due date. Just as well really as DC was born a month early. I think your dh may have just said what he did to avoid any potential arguments with his sister. He might have just been trying to keep the peace on a sides.

Brucietheshark · 03/11/2013 16:08

It's not really an elaborate lie though is it? But it sounds like you and he plus Sil have HISTORY. Do tell.

DinkyMole · 03/11/2013 16:14

YANBU. Why didn't he just tell the truth?

Mia4 · 03/11/2013 16:15

It doesn't sound that elaborate if it's essentially 'she's shattered' so I think YABU if that's the case but YWNBU if the elaboration was actually a ten minute spiel related to tiredness, waking and general other exaggerations.

Enjoy your chill out nigh and you time :)

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 03/11/2013 16:17

When I was at your stage of pregnancy I cried for an hour and didn't speak to dh for 2 days because he bought me a diet coke instead of a normal one and I took it as a personal insult and told him I was questioning our whole relationship because of it so although yabu, I get where you are coming from.

Famzilla · 03/11/2013 16:18

In this situation alone you are making a mountain out of a molehill. It was just a little white lie, I have no idea how you've decided that makes you a dirty little secret. Your SIL clearly knows who you are

However, I would go batshit crazy at if the wind changed when I was pregnant. Or I left the house without a cheese sandwich. So yeah YABU but you're also v pregnant so it's forgivable.

NynaevesSister · 03/11/2013 16:29

He could have told the truth but it wasn't that big a deal. I think hormones are making you feel worse. Let it go. You will have lovely little one soon xx

Original poster

BoyMeetsWorld · 03/11/2013 16:32

Thanks for opinions all.

Yes, definitely hormonal.

But I think it's also the fact I feel HE makes a mountain out of a molehill. His whole family are v temperamental & on numerous occasions he's spun elaborate excuses rather than just telling the truth. Like, when visiting other family members when DS was months old he'd make up stories about me having a tummy bug for why we had to get home rather than go out to dinner with a tiny baby at 9pm at night.

I said from the moment we were invited to this that it was too close to due date. But instead of being upfront he let her do all the preparation thinking I was coming then created the waking in the night story - & no it wouldn't just be a brief excuse with him. He likes to embellish in great detail.

I just think if someone has a valid reason for something, don't lie about it. And if he must as that's the only way he thinks his family can be handled, don't tell me he's done it...particularly then the way he told me implies I should be going & he's having to cover for me

OP posts:

NynaevesSister · 04/11/2013 04:34

Oh dear he has some issues doesn't he? Are you married toy brother? He does this sort of thing too. For some reason he thinks he will be seen badly by everyone?! In reality we all know - we'd know that you weren't coming because it was too close to the due date but hey if he wants to spin a yarn that's his prerogative. Mind you by this point we would just skip dealing with him entirely.

tracypenisbeaker · 04/11/2013 05:31

I think he may have just said it as its a hell of a lot harder to argue with.the excuse 'She's tired,' whereas the hospital thing leaves you open to her going 'Oh but you still have weeks to go', 'theres a hospital in the area' etc blah blah blah. Your OH probably just wants an easy life and this way youre not so open to her trying to change your mind. Neither of you are BU so try to chill, all is well. And congratulations btw x

MamaBear17 · 04/11/2013 06:26

My husband did the same thing to me! We were invited to a 30th birthday party. We had just (that day) moved into a new house, Id been emptying boxes since 8am, thought I was going to collapse with exhaustion doing the food shop so just said no, im too tired. He wouldn't go without me so concocted this story about me being really sick. It was bloody daft! Everyone worried about me then and I felt silly and guilty too! Hugs to you.

MrsLouisTheroux · 04/11/2013 06:40

Your DH is making sure that his family can't talk him/ you round or make you feel guilty for not going. People only do this if others have a habit of dismissing their preferences.
His family are possibly hard going and I think he's trying to stick up for you both. So, YABU.
Also, if you don't like the way he does it and you need to decline an invitation in future because of how you feel ( as in this situation) phone them yourself. Would you have told them the truth about not wanting to be near their hospital really?

Colinbakergotfat · 04/11/2013 07:04

Yabu. His excuse is much more plausible than yours. Yours is lame I'm afraid and I suspect he didn't want his family to think you are that precious.

The likelihood of you going into labour at 37 weeks is tiny.

GinGinGin · 04/11/2013 08:23

What a load of utter bollocks Colin - plenty of women go into labour at 37 weeks - it is technically term after all.

Colinbakergotfat · 04/11/2013 08:39

Plenty is massively overstating it. And you know it.

GinGinGin · 04/11/2013 08:42

How would you know? Expert are you?

Colinbakergotfat · 04/11/2013 08:42

Yes.

curlew · 04/11/2013 08:48

Not going to a party at almost 37 weeks pregnant because you're tired, or just don't want to is fine. Not going because you're worried about going into labour, unless you have a history of early babies is a bit daft. I think he was protecting you from people thinking you were being a bit daft.

jacks365 · 04/11/2013 08:48

As someone who had to move house at 36 weeks due to husbands new job I would think you were just being precious I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'm a bit the same over the meal and the young baby as I would have just let mine sleep in the car seat for it. Let your dh use the explanations that he thinks work best for his family as a pp said you can't argue with the excuse he gave you could with the truth.

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