To feel like a dirty little secret?

[BoyMeetsWorld]

So I'm almost 37 weeks pregnant with second baby.

Sister in law, who lives 3 hour round journey away, was throwing a Halloween party. I didn't really want to go that far away from our hospital etc - especially as I really don't like the one in the area where they live. Add to that the fact that I'm feeling generally uncomfortable & exhausted. But I was more than happy for DH & DS to go.

Instead of just telling Si that it's too close to my due date & I'm not really feeling up to it, DH concocts this elaborate lie at the last minute about how I kept waking through the night so stayed home to sleep.

AIBU to feel that a) I shouldn't have to defend my decision not to want to travel to a party involving a 3 hr round journey at almost full term? b) by lying about me, he's made me feel like I have something to be ashamed of by not going c) he's putting his sisters feelings before mine. Which is usually the case tbh.

AIBU?

Go on Colin do tell

I'd prefer not to out myself, but I work for a charity. That's all you need to know.

The whole tone of the op is a bit ridiculous (see "dirty little secret" - verging on the hysterical). I don't want to patronise you op and insinuate hormones, but it is a non-issue. And I would wager you are tired and emotional hence the disproportionate reaction. So he wasn't lying when he said you needed rest.

I think the point everyone is missing is that when the pregnant lady says X or feels Y then that's fine. There is no such thing as daft. She's just grown a human being and it is about to come out.

YABU.

Why don't YOU make your own excuses in future instead of getting your DH to do it for you. You should have phoned your SIL and told her yourself.

Even before I read your second post I suspected as much.

My mum and my sister are always making up lies rather than saying: 'Thanks, but no thanks'.

It's got them into trouble so many times. Nothing serious, just embarrassing when the lies unravel. It involves even more lies and extra work to cover up - I'd love to give an example, but it's so elaborate it would out me

I find what they do quite funny because it doesn't affect me. They've tried to get me involved in their stories but I say I won't tell on them, but I'm won't collude in their ridiculous schemes because it's annoying and exhausting.

But if your in-laws are difficult, I can see why your DH's stupid lies and pussy-footing round them aggravate you.

So YANBU, but this is quite a minor lie. It could be worse, I bet it has been in the past and might well be in the future unless he learns to stand up for himself.

DH's family would often be a bit manipulative/guilt tripping if they felt his reason for not being able to attend something wasn't good enough for them.

He's better at just being form now and not feeling he has to justify everything to them, but during my 1st pregnancy he did use "pianodoodle's not up to it" as a reason for not going somewhere when in fact he just didn't fancy it himself.

As a result in-laws sometimes to refer to what a "difficult" pregnancy I had with DD even though it wasn't really, so I know what you mean

Next time you be the one to confirm or decline an invitation, take control rather then leave it to dh to add arms and legs.

Can't add much more advice OP than already here - sounds like DH and the history of lying/embellishing is more the issue though than whether you should have gone or not, or whether you're overreacting.

Colin - think you might need a bit of rest too tbh. Even just a quick Google shows somewhere between 5-7% of pregnancies end in labour at 37 weeks, and 729,674 live births in 2012 so even on 5% that's around 36,483 labours at 37 weeks (minus a few multiples!). Which is 'plenty' by my reckoning. I take it you don't do stats for this charity? DFOD.

Yup, those stats speak for themselves. Like I said - tiny chance. Particularly when you have low risk pregnancy and no history of pre-40 week labour.

Thanks everyone - mixed opinions but good to get some perspective.

Think Stepaway has pretty much nailed it - it probably is the history of DH doing this that got to me. & also the fact people see it that I'm having a 'difficult' pregnancy & am such a delicate little flower when im not - I'm working right up until 5 days before due date.

Colin, afraid I think you're wrong. On my FB birth board there are 250ish of us and around 80 have already had their babies between 36-37 wks. I don't believe I gave my personal situation, but yes it is v likely this baby will arrive early. & if it does, I'd rather be at my own hospital than one with a notoriously bad reputation.

For those who've questioned why I didn't just tell her myself - DH wouldn't let me. He wanted to give the elaborate excuse & wasn't happy for me to tell the truth. I didn't want to lie so left him to it.

Never made it to 37 weeks with any of mine....

My DH 'dramatizes' these things because his family try to overcome every excuse he gives for not doing something/going somewhere. I used to hate it, but now I've tried to get out of events with them, I know that they will argue until you give in if you 'just' have a cold and a rotten headache, but they concede reasonably quickly if you have diarrhoea/vomiting/a leg off. They back him into a corner where only near-death is acceptable. I don't blame him too much now for taking the path of easiest resistance. And I wouldn't travel too far after 37 weeks, it's just too uncomfortable even without the labour risk.

Sorry Colin I missed the bit where you said you knew the OP, knew she was having a low risk pregnancy, knew her family history, knew how the previous 36 weeks of pregnancy had progressed..... Wouldn't call 5% 'tiny' by any means - that's saying out of every 20 pregnancies one will definitely result in labour at 37 weeks. If I knew I had something going on where I'd definitely have to suddenly go to hospital in the next 5 weeks and I had a 1 in 20 chance of it being this week there's no way I'd be going on a 3 hr round trip when the nearest hospital was one I disliked! Would you?