Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you you check before sending your child over to play?

80 replies

SadFace502 · 03/11/2013 10:15

Just that really... My DS goes to school with a child over the road, they are 7.

At weekends his parents regularly send him over to 'play' - he rocks up on our doorstep and asks to come in and play... Obviously DS does the "oh, please let X stay and play' so I generally let him in (inwardly seething).... X then slopes around saying "I'm bored", "can I have a coke", "I only came to you because Y down the road isn't in" etc for an hour or so (whilst also trashing the house) before I message his parents to see if I can send him back!

My DH works shifts and frequently sleeps during the day so having two 7 year olds plus my DS2 who is 4 running around the house isn't ideal. The parent knows that he has to sleep during the day yet still sends him over....

He came over yesterday and asked to come in and play, luckily we were just off to meet friends so I felt justified in saying no... He said that his parents were out and that he would go to the skate park.... I saw him cycling around the street when we went out - he's only 7, and I felt bad!!

Sorry for the rant, I want to say that I'd prefer it if she asks but don't want to come across as rude Hmm

Thanks...

OP posts:
marriedinwhiteisback · 03/11/2013 10:40

At 7 plays should be arranged between the parents at mutually convenient times rather than on a casual ad hoc basis with the child turning up alone. Around here children don't "play out" and I would have been horrified had this have happened; in fact if a 7 year old friend of ds or dd had ever turned up on the doorstep I would have telephoned the parents to explain they had done so and offer to take the child home straight away. I certainly wouldn't have just turned the child away, I'd have been far too concerned for his or her safety but then we are in London and I don't of any parents who let children that young "play out" or wander about on their own. It sounds like neglect to me.

YesterdayI · 03/11/2013 10:42

Oh FFS just say no!

...and if you do have him over and you want him to leave just ask him.

It really is that simple.

Original poster
SadFace502 · 03/11/2013 10:44

Thanks everyone for the comments....

He definitely isn't neglected, he is an only child and has everything a child could want and more, he tells me that we are poor and he is rich Blush

I do honestly think the cultural thing means they are okay with letting him roam about looking for somewhere to play.

I drop a text tonight when I've had a glass of wine for courage WineWine

OP posts:
Groovee · 03/11/2013 10:44

Just say no he can't come in. Its your house your rules!

spongebob13 · 03/11/2013 10:48

I dunno ... an only child at 7 roaming a street because his parents weren't home is neglect to me.

Original poster
SadFace502 · 03/11/2013 10:48

Marriedinwhite, that is how I think it should be... Arranged at a convenient time... I wouldn't send my DS over to someone without checking first.

I will man up!!!

OP posts:
whois · 03/11/2013 10:51

Is your DS allowed to play out? If so send them both out when the boy calls round.

It was quite normal where I lived (naice, very middle class area) for children to 'call' for each other.

NorthernShores · 03/11/2013 10:52

I agree married - that's how I'd like it. However we've moved onto an estate and there's lots of kids who play 'out' from about 7 or sometimes younger. Its not considered neglect here, I suspect I'm considered cruel for not letting my child play!

Original poster
SadFace502 · 03/11/2013 10:54

Whois, no, DS not allowed to play out... We are not in a nice middle class area Sad and there are a few busy roads to cross to get anywhere...

OP posts:
MrsCakesPremonition · 03/11/2013 10:54

" He said that his parents were out and that he would go to the skate park"

This rings massive alarm bells for me. He is 7 years old, I initially assumed that maybe there was an older sibling looking after him while his parents are out - but you say he is an only child. So his parents swan off, not knowing where their child is, if he has gone to play in someone's house (it sounds like he knocks until he finds someone who is home) or the skate park, or anywhere - who knows? Definitely not the parents.

This child has been neglected on at least one occassion you know of. Perhaps a call to the NSPCC for advice would be useful?

spongebob13 · 03/11/2013 10:54

play outside is not neglect. NO ONE HOME is in my eyes.

MrsCakesPremonition · 03/11/2013 10:56

I agree with spongebob - it's not the playing out that is the problem, it is the fact that there is nobody home or even vaguely aware of where he is and what he is doing.

pigletmania · 03/11/2013 10:57

Say sorry and shut the door, or take him back home. If your concerned he is being neglected call ss or NSPCC. Being left to roam on his own while his parents are out at 7 is nt acceptable

hollyisalovelyname · 03/11/2013 10:57

A little 7 year old is left on the street by his parents. That is neglect. Have they gone out and left him home alone? They appear to give him things not time . The poor child ....and rearing him to be rude and boastful.

hollyisalovelyname · 03/11/2013 10:59

Are you sure he is telling the truth re nobody at home? If so I'd call the police.

usualsuspect · 03/11/2013 10:59

Its not neglect to let your children play out

spongebob13 · 03/11/2013 11:02

I would approach her straight off and say first off her ds is a lovely lad (even if he is not really ) and say he is welcome over ON THE CONITION she asks first. and secondly he has mentioned that he is left alone at times and that you hope its not true and mention that If the police got wind of it she'd be in trouble. leave it at that. perhaps the child is lying, perhaps he is not. but before I contact officials I would let her know its noted what they are doing or what he is saying they are doing.

pigletmania · 03/11/2013 11:02

Usual it is neglect that te parents go out, and leave a rim ary age Chid roaming the streets. It's is not neglect for Chidren to play out, bowing tat parents are at home and know where they are!

pigletmania · 03/11/2013 11:03

I agree sponge, I would definitely have that talk to the mother. Sinus like ges around from door to dor seeing if someone is in so he can pay with, if not the skate park.

pigletmania · 03/11/2013 11:04

Primary age child

hollyisalovelyname · 03/11/2013 11:06

It's neglect if they have gone off somewhere leaving a 7 year old home alone.

Shallistopnow · 03/11/2013 11:07

Gosh I would love to have a child over the road for my daughter to play with, save me having to drive to pick up her friend all the the time! We've just moved to a more residential area but its still quite built up with a lot of cars. Its a shame, I used to be outside all the time with my brothers and friends.

spongebob13 · 03/11/2013 11:08

I don't think anyone is saying the issue is that he is playing outside. that is not neglect. the child saying that no one is home and he will probably go to the skate park is neglect!!

Inertia · 03/11/2013 11:15

If there is nobody at home and they have gone out and left him then that is a real concern- can you talk to the parents and try to get to the bottom of that? You need to make it crystal clear that the parents cannot, under any circumstances, send their child to you and then go out (I wouldn't even go down the road of discussing pretty arranged play dates).

pigletmania · 03/11/2013 11:16

Meant it sounds like he wonders from door to door seeing if someone is in, if not goes to the skate park