OMG - Are you pregnant?

[hobbjobb]

I'm 11 weeks pregnant, will be going public after dating scan next week.
I've told a few close friends and our families as I had an early scan so saw baby and heartbeat already.

I went out to dinner with a large group of friends on Friday and it was noted that I was not drinking or smoking, and rather than share tapas I just ordered my own main meal. So I guess it was obvious I'm preggers.

Two people there, not particularly close friends, would not shut up about it. They kept going on and on, asking if I was, why I wasn't drinking, why not smoking etc etc. In the end I had to hiss that yes, I was pregnant but that I didn't appreciate being forced to tell them, if someone isn't telling then there is a reason and that if the time is right, the news will be forthcoming.

I appreciate people get excited but why do people not just throw a knowing glance and then carry on with their evening? Or even just gossip when I went to the loo?
I felt forced into telling and now I feel resentful.
Or AIBU and grumpy?

[smugmumofboys]

I've guessed with a couple of friends but never said anything. I waited until they announced it at a time that suited them.

One tip I used when pg and not wanting to tell people was: order your usual drink and just touch the glass to your lips. Once the rest of the party have had a few, they won't notice. If someone offers you a refill, you just tell them that you've just had one.

[DIYapprentice]

paxtecum - isn't secrecy generally recommended before the first scan? News of a pregnancy spreads like wildfire, miscarriage not so fast. I know I felt like crap being congratulated on my pregnancy when I was dealing with the miscarriage.

[SarahBumBarer]

You're not supposed to drink too much tonic though because of the quinine. And I thought raw fish was fine if it had been frozen to the requisite temperatures...

Am I winding you up yet OP?

TBH I just think this is normal among friends and I've never really get the need for secrecy other than to prevent everyone (inlcuding me) getting so bloody bored with the whole thing. Each to their own though of course but it does make me on balance feel YABU. As grobags said it is normal speculation.

Congratulations on the pregnancy though.

[LittleBairn]

Paxtecum But do all you secret pregnancy women not think that people may be pleased for you?

People keep the pregnancies secret for many reasons mostly its nothing to do with people being pleased or not.
Mine will be staying secret for as long as possible due to my first DC dying in utero. I don't want to deal with other people's opinions, excitement,or concern. This pregancy is nothing to do with them. It's not people's right to know.

[hobbjobb]

sarahbum you are a pendantic one aren't you!!
I couldn't be assed to find out if the fish had been frozen previously so just went easy route and ordered noodles

I know IAB a bit U and my friends were just a bit excited, but it really annoyed me.

We have told the people we would have told had I miscarried, if you see what I mean? The rest wait til after dating scan, I think that's pretty normal.

I wasn't even the only one not drinking, I'm just normally a bit of a wine guzzler so they noticed straight away!

[Howsuper]

Yes it's annoying OP. I have often clocked someone's preggo but not said anything.

By the way handbag - and others who might want to keep a pregnancy secret. Telling people you are ill and/or announcing that you are not drinking for any reason when you turn up to a social event is an absolute giveaway! Just don't tell anyone you're not drinking, nurse a glass of wine all evening taking a sip or two or get tonic water and people will think it's a G&T.

If you had decided to drive or not drink when you're not pregnant you wouldn't announce it to everyone would you?

[NotYoMomma]

I also dont get the whole 'it isnt recommended to tell people before the first scan'

I was not aware of such recommendations tbh, I thought it was all down to personal choice

[Trills]

YANBU to think that a knowing look and keeping quiet would be the classy thing to do.

[Mia4]

grobagsforever I guess it depends on your friends. Two of mine are constantly on some diet or detox so not seeing them drinking wouldn't raise any flags. The same for another who is often on antibiotics. Me, I'm a wine lover so it would be a dead give away for me if it was continual avoidance but once or twice they wouldn't cotton on.

[Mia4]

paxtecum Some people like to hide for as long as possible due to past issues. Most people I know wait for the 12 week scan and 1 held out until the second scan due to losing a baby just before that. While the congratulations would be nice, it's not nice if you then do lose the baby or go to the scan and find something is wrong because the people who know will still be all excited for you and you'll have to say what's happened to them.

[Retroformica]

Didn't you just tell them you were on antibiotics so couldn't drink and had given up fags