OMG - Are you pregnant?

[hobbjobb]

I'm 11 weeks pregnant, will be going public after dating scan next week.
I've told a few close friends and our families as I had an early scan so saw baby and heartbeat already.

I went out to dinner with a large group of friends on Friday and it was noted that I was not drinking or smoking, and rather than share tapas I just ordered my own main meal. So I guess it was obvious I'm preggers.

Two people there, not particularly close friends, would not shut up about it. They kept going on and on, asking if I was, why I wasn't drinking, why not smoking etc etc. In the end I had to hiss that yes, I was pregnant but that I didn't appreciate being forced to tell them, if someone isn't telling then there is a reason and that if the time is right, the news will be forthcoming.

I appreciate people get excited but why do people not just throw a knowing glance and then carry on with their evening? Or even just gossip when I went to the loo?
I felt forced into telling and now I feel resentful.
Or AIBU and grumpy?

[Retroformica]

Didn't you just tell them you were on antibiotics so couldn't drink and had given up fags

[Mia4]

paxtecum Some people like to hide for as long as possible due to past issues. Most people I know wait for the 12 week scan and 1 held out until the second scan due to losing a baby just before that. While the congratulations would be nice, it's not nice if you then do lose the baby or go to the scan and find something is wrong because the people who know will still be all excited for you and you'll have to say what's happened to them.

[Mia4]

grobagsforever I guess it depends on your friends. Two of mine are constantly on some diet or detox so not seeing them drinking wouldn't raise any flags. The same for another who is often on antibiotics. Me, I'm a wine lover so it would be a dead give away for me if it was continual avoidance but once or twice they wouldn't cotton on.

[Trills]

YANBU to think that a knowing look and keeping quiet would be the classy thing to do.

[NotYoMomma]

I also dont get the whole 'it isnt recommended to tell people before the first scan'

I was not aware of such recommendations tbh, I thought it was all down to personal choice

[Howsuper]

Yes it's annoying OP. I have often clocked someone's preggo but not said anything.

By the way handbag - and others who might want to keep a pregnancy secret. Telling people you are ill and/or announcing that you are not drinking for any reason when you turn up to a social event is an absolute giveaway! Just don't tell anyone you're not drinking, nurse a glass of wine all evening taking a sip or two or get tonic water and people will think it's a G&T.

If you had decided to drive or not drink when you're not pregnant you wouldn't announce it to everyone would you?

[hobbjobb]

sarahbum you are a pendantic one aren't you!!
I couldn't be assed to find out if the fish had been frozen previously so just went easy route and ordered noodles

I know IAB a bit U and my friends were just a bit excited, but it really annoyed me.

We have told the people we would have told had I miscarried, if you see what I mean? The rest wait til after dating scan, I think that's pretty normal.

I wasn't even the only one not drinking, I'm just normally a bit of a wine guzzler so they noticed straight away!

[LittleBairn]

Paxtecum But do all you secret pregnancy women not think that people may be pleased for you?

People keep the pregnancies secret for many reasons mostly its nothing to do with people being pleased or not.
Mine will be staying secret for as long as possible due to my first DC dying in utero. I don't want to deal with other people's opinions, excitement,or concern. This pregancy is nothing to do with them. It's not people's right to know.

[SarahBumBarer]

You're not supposed to drink too much tonic though because of the quinine. And I thought raw fish was fine if it had been frozen to the requisite temperatures...

Am I winding you up yet OP?

TBH I just think this is normal among friends and I've never really get the need for secrecy other than to prevent everyone (inlcuding me) getting so bloody bored with the whole thing. Each to their own though of course but it does make me on balance feel YABU. As grobags said it is normal speculation.

Congratulations on the pregnancy though.

[DIYapprentice]

paxtecum - isn't secrecy generally recommended before the first scan? News of a pregnancy spreads like wildfire, miscarriage not so fast. I know I felt like crap being congratulated on my pregnancy when I was dealing with the miscarriage.

[smugmumofboys]

I've guessed with a couple of friends but never said anything. I waited until they announced it at a time that suited them.

One tip I used when pg and not wanting to tell people was: order your usual drink and just touch the glass to your lips. Once the rest of the party have had a few, they won't notice. If someone offers you a refill, you just tell them that you've just had one.

[DIYapprentice]

YANBU!!

You need to do one of 2 things:

Bribe the waiter into bringing you a alcohol free 'vodka tonic/gin and tonic' OR

Sit with your drink glass right next to your partner's, then take frequent 'pretend' sips, occasionally holding your wine/other glass in your hand, when you put it down your partner 'oh so casually' picks up yours, has a few big sips, you then pretend sip his which has gone down a bit since last time.... etc

We got away with this at a Christmas dinner, a friend of mine was surprised when I announced my pregnancy as I had drunk at the meal - ha, knew she was watching me like a hawk!!!

[paxtecum]

YABU.

You didn't have to tell them.

But do all you secret pregnancy women not think that people may be pleased for you?

Some couples won't divulge the due date.
I don't understand the secrecy.
I do however understand not putting stuff on FB to share with the world.

A friend's daughter got married secretly and invited all the unsuspecting guests to lunch.
Many didn't go which upset the couple, but it was mid week.
The guests would have made an effort for a wedding.

[Rosencrantz]

Badly orchestrated, but I really do think they were just excited for you OP!

[HandbagCrazy]

When my sister was going through this stage (she didnt tell anyone until 16 weeks), whenever she went out, she started by telling people she had been ill so was disappointed not to be able to drink, or that she was doing the driving so her partner could drink. Nobody guessed a thing - although her friends did go on to her a bit because they wanted her to join in

Im ttc at the moment and am planning on using her tactics if i get my bfp as they worked so well!

[LittleBairn]

YANBU I would have been furious I'm 14 weeks pregnant I won't be announcing it until I can no longer hide my bump.
This type of thing is all about the guesser being me me me they want to be the first to discover and know about it and crow to others.
It's nothing to do with the pregant woman and her baby, its not about sharing their joy its about them being irritating people who don't know when to let it go.

[ilikemysleep]

My tip for disguising early pg - ginless 'gin' and tonic. Get it with ice and a slice, most people are none the wiser. Congrats BTW :)

[grobagsforever]

Mia4, most ppl are pretty wise to those types of excuses from women with partners of typical child bearing age. Well, they are when you're like me and known to have a love of . I hid my first pregnancy fairly well, although had to tell close family and friends. But for this second PG I'm really going to struggle as ppl will be expecting it IYSWIM.

[fruitloop84]

I was organising a meal out recently for a large group, when i got one friends food choices through it was obvious to me she was pregnant, but I would never have said.anything. as it turns out she told us straight away and said she knew I would have guessed.

youur friends were prob just excited but I would be annoyed too

[Mia4]

YANBU OP but they were drunk and over-excited. It's a shame some people are like a dog with a bone but that's why a lot of people have excuses ready.

On antibiotics
On other tablets
Recovering from a stomach infection
detoxing
On a diet that disincludes alcohol

etc

[FreakinRexManningDay]

I found drinking non alcohol cocktails excellent for disguising an early pregnancy.

[hobbjobb]

They are British and yes they were pissed and excited so I don't think there was actually any malice, just annoying!

It was an Asian tapas place so lots of raw fish and I just ordered noodles as didn't fancy anything else.

Agree that drunk people are crazily annoying when you're sober, looking forward to becoming an anmoying drunk again, at some point!

[SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones]

I had two 30th birthday parties and a wedding in the first trimester of ds1 pregnancy, and I was keeping it secret. It was hell on earth - pretending not to drink - everyone else outrageously drunk, too drunk to even hold a conversation I did think 'god, is that what I used to look like??"

I was smug and hangover free the next day though.

[TinyDynamite]

Morris

[Iamsparklyknickers]

Just as a realistic excuse if anyone wants one (you have to have been a smoker) I couldn't drink at all when I was on those tablets to help you give up. The effect was just horrible for me personally and made me feel really spaced out. Gives you about 6 weeks worth of an excuse if I remember correctly.