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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a job interview when DS2 is only 8 weeks old?

30 replies

Kyrptonite · 01/11/2013 17:42

DP lost his job 2 weeks ago. They won't give him a reference so he's fucked finding another job. I'm on mat leave and hadn't planned on going back until June.

Yesterday I decided to have a look at what was out there and saw the dream job of room manager in a purpose built nursery. Currently I'm in charge of the 2 year old area in a very small community nursery so it would be a nice step up but not so big I'm out of my depth.

They called me today and offered me an interview Thursday. Technically I could take DS2 to work with me and id just have to find a childminder for DS1 and DD if DP finds another job. It would be more money, better opportunity and something that I have wanted for a while.

If it was part time it would be perfect. Unfortunately it's full time and I know people have to go back to work sometimes when their babies are tiny but am I going to emotionally scar DS or affect our bond if I go back to work so soon?

OP posts:
KirjavaTheCat · 01/11/2013 17:47

You say you can take baby with you?

Then I think you've found the perfect job for your circumstances tbh. Do you feel physically ready to return to work so soon?

Waggamamma · 01/11/2013 18:08

say you you the job it usually takes at least 2-3 months to sort out checks, references and notice etc. So ds would be nearly 5 months?

and you can take him with you? under the circumstances sounds perfect for you.

ds will be fine. although it will be tiring for you.

WaitMonkey · 01/11/2013 18:08

Go, for it. It isn't ideal, having to go back when your lo is so young. But one of you needs a job, and this seems perfect. Something this good might not turn up again for a long time. Good luck, come back and let us know how the interview goes.

PumpkinPie2013 · 01/11/2013 18:13

YANBU though I can understand it wouldn't be your preferred option.

If you can take your ds that's even better and it sounds like a good opportunity especially since your dp has lost his job.

Good luck with the interview!

Phineyj · 01/11/2013 18:14

Sounds a good option to me! If it doesn't suit you, hopefully your DP will have a job in a few months and you could reconsider.

NoIHaventHadTheBabyYet · 01/11/2013 18:30

Your baby won't be emotionally scarred :) he will be perfectly fine.
Its sometimes difficult but we have to do the best for our family, you must not feel guilty.

AnkaretLestrange · 01/11/2013 18:34

It sounds like a good solution tbh.

Your baby won't be scarred, as you say you will take the baby to work with you possibly. In the bad old days when you only got 18 weeks maternity leave (and 6 weeks of that had to be taken pre birth) lots of women went back FT when their baby was 3 months otherwise their jobs went kaput. I did and although it was hard it didn't harm my dd, as long as you have brilliant childcare (which she will because you will be there to manage it Smile it will all be fine.

Don't beat yourself up. It sounds a very stressful situation all round.

Lonecatwithkitten · 01/11/2013 18:41

There is what we would all like to do and then what we need to do for our family. I think in this situation you need to go for this job for the benefit of the whole family. If your DP hasn't found a job then he gets the chance to spend some amazing time with your DC.

17leftfeet · 01/11/2013 18:42

I had to go back to work full time when dd2 was 10 weeks as my partner had been made redundant -one of us needed to work!

Nobody is emotionally scarred and I have as strong a bond with dd2 that I have with dd1 who I stayed at home with for 8 months

Would your DP be a stay at home dad? If so would you need to take your lo to work? My concern would be concentrating at work while my own child was there

RubyrooUK · 01/11/2013 18:48

The manager at the nursery I use has taken both her children to work with her. She says it was hard at first (but doable, she could pop in and out to feed when breastfeeding) and now the children are older, she is dreading them going to school as it is such a good arrangement and she gets so much more time with her kids than other working mums. So it has worked perfectly for her.

Original poster
Kyrptonite · 01/11/2013 19:02

DP has a much higher earning potential than me and doesn't want to be a SAHD (he did this for 2 years with DSD and it affected his career due to the long break) so I would be taking DS to the nursery with me. I'm interviewing for either the preschool or toddler room so although I wouldn't be directly with DS he would be close enough IYSWIM. DP would be doing childminder runs/ or looking after the older 2 before and after school if he hasn't found work.

I think I'm just nervous. Current manager is MIL so I've never really had a formal interview as such. I'm good at my job but there is absolutely no career progression at my current nursery. I wasn't expecting to be offered an interview tbh so it's knocked me for six a bit!

It's good to know others have gone back early and not screwed up their children though Grin

I was expecting to be flamed.

OP posts:
complexnumber · 01/11/2013 19:05

DP lost his job 2 weeks ago. They won't give him a reference

Was he sacked?

haggisandneeps · 01/11/2013 19:08

I started looking for work when DD was 2 weeks old. Interview when she was 3 weeks old. Started job when she was 4 weeks old. Best of luck for your interview hope you get the job it sounds perfect for you!

lifeinthefastlane1 · 01/11/2013 19:17

if you already work in a nursery why would you think it would scar your lo? surely you must have seen lots of little babies in nursery care? did you think they were getting scarred? not being judgy in any way but its slightly worrying of a childcare worker to think this :o)
I'm sure your baby will be fine , lovely for you to see him all the time too.
hope your dp gets a job soon.

Original poster
Kyrptonite · 01/11/2013 19:46

Yes sacked for plugging his laptop into the computer servers to watch netflixs. He worked nights so I'm rather pissed off he was stupid enough to do this. The worst part is his supervisor was there watching with him and didn't tell him it wasn't allowed.

My nursery takes from 2-5 so I have no knowledge of babies in nursery. Sorry if I offended anyone Blush

OP posts:
lifeinthefastlane1 · 01/11/2013 19:58

My nursery takes from 2-5 so I have no knowledge of babies in nursery. Sorry if I offended anyone.

I dont think you offended anyone, I was just curious as you said you worked in a nursery, I assumed you had little babies in there.Smile

Waggamamma · 01/11/2013 20:02

lifeinthefastlane I'm sure there's nothing damaging about leaving small babies in nursery. But the majority probably aren't quite so young when left. At our day nursery most new starts are around 9-14months.

I think if parents do go back to work earlier smallee babies are generally with family member of childminder.

I'm sure your ds will be fine though OP and especially as you will always be nearby.

my dp works nights too and takes his psp and tablet to work to play and watch movies. I'm forever telling him to stop as he will get in trouble or lose his job. I think I will show him this.

KateSpade · 01/11/2013 20:15

I went back to work when my DD was 4 weeks old, it nearly killed me but st the same time I felt so good about myself for doing it.

Good luck op & fingers crossed for you!

Original poster
Kyrptonite · 01/11/2013 20:23

Thank you. The more I think about it the more excited I get. I can't just do nothing. Last term I was doing a 40 hour week, my NVQ level 3 and 2 level 3 OU courses. I'm doing another OU course at the moment but I'm so used to trying to do loads that mat leave is, dare I say it, boring me. No offence to DS2 he's lovely but I'm not cut out to be at home full time.

OP posts:
AnkaretLestrange · 01/11/2013 21:21

Best of luck for the interview Smile

That is shite about your dp's job, I hope he manages to sort it soon.

RandomMess · 01/11/2013 21:24

Are they refusing to give him a reference?

By law they are not permitted to give a bad one, they only have to state the dates between which he was employed there?

AnkaretLestrange · 01/11/2013 21:28

Yes I think that's right random.

A reference now is just 'x worked here from y to z' or something very factual.

Original poster
Kyrptonite · 01/11/2013 21:50

They sent him a letter confirming his dismissal dated 17th October. He received it yesterday and it stated that although they had told him they would provide a reference, in order to not jeopardise his future job opportunities they are no longer willing to. He had 10 days from the date of the letter to appeal but received it too late to do anything.

OP posts:
Redcliff · 01/11/2013 22:28

You can give a bad reference if its true - so you can't say "Ms X was a bit rubbish" if this was just an opinion and nothing to back it up but you can say "Ms X was dismissed" if it was true and they don't have to give a reference at all if they don't want to. That said what a rubbish thing to sack someone for - I worked somewhere where people were found to be asleep on the night shift when they should have been working and they kept their job. Might it be worth asking them if they could provide a basic reference ?

Original poster
Kyrptonite · 01/11/2013 22:48

He phoned up last Friday because he hadn't been paid and apparently he owes them money. His manager gave him 2 weeks off on compassionate leave before I had DS as DP was booked on a training course the day after my due date and they didn't want him to miss it as they'd paid a lot for it. This was done so DP wouldn't take paternity leave. Now the company are saying DP owes them for the compassionate leave so haven't paid him and are saying he owes them £500!
I doubt phoning and asking for a reference will get him very far!

OP posts:
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