WIBU to walk home alone last night?

[TedMoseby]

I had this conversation with a friend today. She was horrified that I would "take the risk" of walking home alone at midnight. It was a 5 minute walk, along a main (and well-lit) road, with plenty of students around as it was halloween! Obviously if it had been a longer walk, I would have called a taxi!

Her argument was that girls should never walk anywhere alone, "just in case". She never leaves her house after dark and managed to go through a whole degree without going out in the (fabulous and safe) city that we live in once.

I refuse to live my life in fear of what might happen. I understand that girls alone can be vulnerable, and always try to weigh up the risks of walking alone. I live with female friends so if I didn't go out unless accompanied by a man, I wouldn't leave the house!

So, WIBU? This friend has no underlying anxiety issues, by the way.

No of course YANBU you should be able to walk the streets at night without fear of getting attacked.

YANBU at all. I walk/cycle home alone at all hours. Yes, there is a risk but it is a very small one. I am writing as a rape victim who was attacked by strangers in my own home. Nowhere is 100% safe and you can't live your life in fear.

YANBU. Sounds as if your friend is happily engaging in some kind of advance, pre-emptive, worst case scenario victim blaming. No reason why you should join her there.

Of course you are being unreasonable OP

You should stay indoors from dusk until daylight unless there is a nice man prepared to chaperone you everywhere

YANBU.

I do feel sorry for your friend though. It's a horrible way to live life.

Victim-blaming was part of my argument too, mumsnet has really changed the way I think about things! I was saying that I refuse to be blamed (if something did happen, god forbid) for someone breaking the law!

YANBU

For christ sakes how do we expect to be able to live properly if we can't go out after dark. I'm not going to limit my life because of 'what ifs'.

It goes dark at 5 now! I wouldn't be able to get home from work

She's didn't go out late once throughout the whole time? So no drunken (or even non-drunken) uni stories? She sounds like a barrel of laughs.

There have been many threads like this that try to make it into a feminist issue.

But I think the risks depend largely on the area you live in and not what sex you are.

A guy walking alone late at night in a rough area, is probably just as likely to get attacked/mugged.

Yanbu, but I have a surprising number of otherwise intelligent female friends who share this view.

I feel sorry for her, she's missing out on life. We live in a fabulous city with a great social life. She also told me today she wouldn't know how to be single. She's literally had a boyfriend constantly since the age of 13. It's sad that she doesn't know how to be herself.

"Obviously if it had been a longer walk, I would have called a taxi!"

Why 'obviously'?

I work in a job that has meant I have walked home very late at night several times a week for years and years.

This level of fear and apprehension is about your friend, not about you, or the mean streets of whatever town you live in.

I daresay there are places in the world where it wouldn't be at all advisable, but a well lit main road in a student-busy fabulous city isn't it!

There's a difference between a 5 minute walk down a well lit road relatively sober and 30 minute walk in an unlit area totally inebriated. I'd do the former, not the latter. We do have to take some responsibility for keeping ourselves safe. Walking home very drunk alone is putting yourself in a vulnerable position.
However as you did the former then no YANBU.

I walked 20 minutes home from the train station at midnight last night.

Last night was safer than most nights because there were more people than usual out on the streets!

Yanbu. Every night, to get home from work, I walked 25 minutes through a housing estate, along a main road, waited at a dark unmanned train station, caught the train and then walked the fifteen minute journey to my house from 11pm onwards.

I didn't fear for my safety at all. I had my phone and kept my housekeys in my fist with the keys slotted through my fingers like wolverine. People would tut and worry for my safety, but nobody offered me a lift so they can't have been too concerned.

tbh as I recall statistics have shown that young men are more likely to be attacked than lone women. yes its a risk but so are lots of things we do you could stay in and a burgler break in (god forbid) so you either get on with life or see danger everywhere and do nothing but live in fear... life is too short.

YANBU.

If you are comfortable with it,that's what counts.

Being put in a situation where you have to,and are not comfortable,is different.

Has your friend had a nasty experience?

If it's a long walk you call a taxi because it's a long walk, shirley, Blu? I mean, I think little of a four or five mile walk, but I've been doing that manner of thing since I was a nipper so I'm hardened to it and I'm usually wearing boots anyway. (If I had me going-dancing shoes on I'd not try any long walks either.)

Oh, and having someone walk you home increases your risk of being raped. 90% and more incidents of that crime are committed indoors by someone known to the victim. Often (enough that it's not surprising) by the nice chap who walked her home.

You're actually safer from being raped by making sure you're on your own with nice clear lines of sight, good situational awareness and a halfbrick in a middling-length sock.

Yes, you're right of course. I was sort of thinking she meant a 10 min walk or a 15 min walk, and specifically that the slightly longer walk would be taking place at night and so for a 10 or 15 min walk she would have got a taxi because it was night, rather than because it was just too far to walk.

I don't think people should shun taxis and walk for miles and miles just on principle. At any time of night or day.

I am becoming inarticulate at this stage of the week.

No calling a taxi would be due to laziness and also because a longer walk would take me through areas that aren't so well lit.

I remember reading a fascinating article in one of the Sunday magazines years ago by a possibly slightly eccentric older woman who spent her entire life sleeping all day and walking around London at night. She did it to reclaim the night, basically. Good on her.

Does she have a Dad, brother or partner?

I can't believe she's taking those risks!

I agree it depends on where you live

I am a complete weirdo magnet and I avoid going out during the day to certain places as I always attract randoms

I drive at night and I wouldn't walk home from anywhere in the dark as I'm very short and young looking and I look vulnerable (attackers of any sort attack those they think they can)

YANBU and this is one of my pet hates: hysteria about the safety of women walking at night does a lot to perpetuate the damaging myth that rapes and attacks happen down dark alleys as opposed to the reality which is that they are usually perpetuated by people know to the victim.

Also just leaving the feminist stuff out of it it's just pathetic to be so afraid of taking really minimal risks like this.