Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish some fucker would invite DD over once in a while?

44 replies

bitpissedoffactually · 31/10/2013 16:36

I don't ever swear on MN but I'm pissed off and swearing might make me feel better.

Hallowe'en is very popular in our village. Every year I've either organised a party plus trick or treating for DD and her friends or at least taken DD and a group of her friends trick or treating. Not cos I like parties or fun but because DD is an only, we have no family nearby and I want her to have a happy life.

This year I've not organised anything (feeling rough/lots on at work). I pick DD up from school and hear schoolground mums yelling to each other about plans for tonight - taking kids trick or frickin' treating - and I think to myself "bitpissedoff, wouldn't it be nice if some fucker included DD? Indeed wouldn't it be nice if some fucker returned a playdate or something once in a while. They are always happy to accept my invites - why don't they show some manners and include my sociable, non-bratty, DD?".

Anyone else experience this?

OP posts:
ShatnersEmptyCatacomb · 31/10/2013 16:40

These arrangements are often made between mums who are friends rather than the mums of children who are friends iyswim. It's nothing to do with your daughter.

Maybe next year ask if anyone has plans a week or so before Halloween. You can probably sort something out if they know you're keen.

Dogonabeanbag · 31/10/2013 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoffeeTea103 · 31/10/2013 16:45

Op does your dd have many friends in school. I always work on the arranging play dates based on dc friends not me being friends with the parents. It may be that your dd friends are also not doing anything this year?

Original poster
bitpissedoffactually · 31/10/2013 16:47

but they've happily accepted my hospitality so, if they realise I'm not doing it this year, why not include DD? Same goes for playdates (I know, cringy word) - they're happy for me to have their kids over, why not return the favour once in a blue moon?

OP posts:
sonlypuppyfat · 31/10/2013 16:47

You're the same as me I always have a house full it never comes back though.

Dogonabeanbag · 31/10/2013 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

missmapp · 31/10/2013 16:51

bitpissedoff I hear ya!! I work fulltime so am never on the playground and as a result my dcs often miss out on invites. I always do a Halloween party to make up for the fact I can have people over for tea during term time, and as friends were dropped off yesterday , I heard mums confirming meeting up for trick and treating ! They then saw me and asked if we wanted to come too.

I know it wasn't down to leave us out, just because arrangements are made between mums, but it is annoying and I do feel for my dcs .

So YANBU

missmapp · 31/10/2013 16:52

should be cant have people over in term time!!

Original poster
bitpissedoffactually · 31/10/2013 17:08

Thank you for nice replies and Flowers DD is 9 so they don't tend to make their own arrangements (her and friends) yet but hopefully in the coming years I can stop being her Social Secretary.

DD (bless her) is dressed up and raring to go. Fuck 'em - we don't need anyone else to have fun.

Happy Hallowe'en (as they say Stateside) Halloween Smile

OP posts:
TwitTwooShoe · 31/10/2013 18:34

YANBU. Have a happy Halloween. Fuck 'em is the attitude I need to have- my DD is also feeling a bit left out.

GreenVelvet · 31/10/2013 19:21

Its fab to be popular and give and get invites and so on ...

But the rules of life are sometimes unfathomable, even if we have to work with them.

Those mothers who seem so pally might have a great time, but then again they might not actually! Either way they are probably mates outside the playground.

I am a great believer in working with reality (however hard it may feel) rather than the wonderful fantasy of life, which only occasionally comes true, lets face it.

At the end of the day, in these matters, you can only do what feels truly right for you and your DD, and let whatever happen happens next.

I do believe if you do things joyously with no thought to what comes in return, life unfolds generously.

mumofthemonsters808 · 31/10/2013 19:25

I've been in your shoes for many years but there is light at the end of the tunnel. From year 6 onwards, the kids tend to make their own arrangements, so hang in there it does get better.

WhoNickedMyName · 31/10/2013 19:32

YANBU to feel pissed off.

I have an only DS too, and I just kind of accept that as part of the deal though. If I want him to go trick or treating with others or socialise with mates then I make sure something is arranged. I don't count on other people doing the arranging. It sucks. Plenty of people are happy to have a few child free hours but seldom do it in return. So now I just stop hoping or expecting and I'm never disappointed.

Orangeanddemons · 31/10/2013 19:37

Oh yes, I recognise this. I was a lone parent with one child, and had friends over all the time, took them for days out, everything. Rarely reciprocated, and never offered money for the trips either. Now have dd, and it's the same story again. Tbh, I've stopped bothering

pigletmania · 31/10/2013 19:40

Yanbu at all. Don't accept hospitality time and time again if your not going to give. They sound like takers, don't invite them.

Spongingbobsunderpants · 31/10/2013 19:48

I've stopped inviting particular kids over for play dates for precisely this reason- I was always inviting them over never to have the favour returned. I was sick of doling out food and having my house left in a tip. My ds has asked if he can play with these kids occasionally so I've said that it's their turn to ask him and that they should tell ask their parents if they want ds to play at their house (hoping the message will get through). I'm probably going to lose a few school gate mum friends because of it but hey, I've got enough real friends to not to be that bothered. My real mates and our kids meet up regularly - sometimes at our houses, sometimes out and we never have to count whose turn it is. That's my benchmark. As long as ds is getting some variety, and still happy at school then sod the 'taker' mums, as I like to call them.

CrapBag · 31/10/2013 19:52

Personally I think they have arranged their own thing and not given it a second thought that your DD hasn't been included. Which going by your past hospitality is shitty but I find people seem to be more and more self involved these days. Cynical maybe, but it seems to be the case.

I would stop the 'playdates' as well. It is rude not to return the favour when your DD is clearly friends with these children. They are probably glad to offload their kids for a few hours but they don't want the 'hassle' of having to host.

FourArms · 31/10/2013 19:55

I'm much the same with DS2. Have his friends over all the time (at least once a week from a group of 4 children). He's only had 3 invites in the past couple of years.

It doesn't bother me much, I'm sure if I needed help I could ask and they'd say yes. It does however upset DS2 who can't understand why he never gets invites :( He's Y3 now, hope things change as they get old enough to call for each other.

Don't know if it makes a difference, but DS2 is a youngest and all of his friends are eldest children, so their mums are probably busy with their younger siblings?

EndoplasmicReticulum · 31/10/2013 20:02

Oh yes, I am a bit cross tonight too. Neighbour's children are often round here (see thread here from a couple of weeks back).

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1860473-To-be-hiding-from-next-doors-children

So tonight, Halloween, they are having a Halloween party and most of the children from son's class are there. Not him though, not invited.

Tomorrow they had better not be knocking at my door to invite themselves over again.

ThePitOfStupid · 31/10/2013 20:06

It would never occur to me to take other kids trick or treating, though I'd be happy for DS to go with someone else if he was asked.

It also wouldn't occur to me that you weren't inviting everyone one year due to illness rather than, say, wanting to do it on your own. Unless I knew you personally.

ThePitOfStupid · 31/10/2013 20:08

Of course if you texted me and said you were poorly and could I take your DD, I'd be happy to do so.

Original poster
bitpissedoffactually · 31/10/2013 20:13

Thanks for your replies and wise words. Just got back from T&T and DD had a good time and got a good stash Halloween Smile We came across other kids and did some houses with them - lots of laughter and excitement. Also saw a couple of mums hosting parties that DD had been excluded from even though the fuckers (I'm enjoying this swearing lark!) had sent their kids to our house plenty of times. But, you know what? They didn't seem to be having more fun than us Halloween Grin

OP posts:
float62 · 31/10/2013 20:35

Completely empathise here...just had a RL rant about kids and their ignorant parents always excluding ds from things but happy to accept my hospitality (which I now rarely offer after years of this sort of crap). But then as an LP with an ASD ds (also an only child) who gets no help from anyone unless I pay for it I realize we're never top of anyone's party list or in fact anything. I mostly don't care any more but sometimes when I just get so knackered with it all it can get to me (like tonight!). So, I too am going to break my non-swearing rule - and fuck the fucking cunting smug bitches and their selfish little brats!!!! Oh gosh that does feel a lot better. Back to the social isolation now...

HissyFucker · 31/10/2013 21:56

If you're single and have an only, if it's anything like my village, i'm afraid you might be suffering from singleparentitis, it's apparently terribly contagious, no matter what you do, no matter how much effort you put in, other mums don't come near in case they might catch it.

Hmm

Do what pleases you and DD, you both are thé most important people here!

facedontfit · 31/10/2013 22:03

It really does help to know I am not the only one who has to deal with arsehole entitled uptheirownarses mothers who don't have the good manners to invite back when they have been delighted to accept many many invites from me. Cunts My daughter is an only child too and it's hard when I see her constantly left out. Fuckers

Yes I am enjoying this swearing lark too! Smile