to wish some fucker would invite DD over once in a while?

[bitpissedoffactually]

I don't ever swear on MN but I'm pissed off and swearing might make me feel better.

Hallowe'en is very popular in our village. Every year I've either organised a party plus trick or treating for DD and her friends or at least taken DD and a group of her friends trick or treating. Not cos I like parties or fun but because DD is an only, we have no family nearby and I want her to have a happy life.

This year I've not organised anything (feeling rough/lots on at work). I pick DD up from school and hear schoolground mums yelling to each other about plans for tonight - taking kids trick or frickin' treating - and I think to myself "bitpissedoff, wouldn't it be nice if some fucker included DD? Indeed wouldn't it be nice if some fucker returned a playdate or something once in a while. They are always happy to accept my invites - why don't they show some manners and include my sociable, non-bratty, DD?".

Anyone else experience this?

I was only saying this evening that I feel I have to be the one to throw a party because otherwise DD would be left on her own on Halloween.

The other mums at school don't do parties but do organise groups to go around ToTing. Maybe 2 or 3 kids in each. Problem is, nobody lives round here so DD would be left out.

I've just hosted our 6th Halloween party, much less fuss than previous years as I'm not feeling too good (last year I had 10 girls here, this year 4)

I did feel awful saying to DD that she could only invite 2 friends from school and 1 from the street (friend in street attends different school to DD). I think the other mums were waiting for the invitation, but I just couldn't face all that noise and mess this year.

Fantastic op, stuff em, don't invite them again, wait until they are older and make their own arrangements

They must be friends of your dd if they are willing to accept your hospitality, to not invite your dd to their Halloween party is just dreadful. I bet that if you gave a party they would have accepted, cheeky feckers!

No don't invite, in time when your dais Oder she will make more meaningful friendships and will be making their wn arrangements. This happens in adult friendship groups too, one being eft out of arrangements whist the so called 'friends' accept hospitality from the left out friend. Some people are just not nice.

dd age 9 was crying last night because the girl she was meant to be going round with dropped her for a party and this was already the party that her best friend had been invited to and not dd. The girl hosting the party was with us at a moments notice all day on the last inset day.

And yes the whole party all came to our door asking for treats, when they asked where dd was I said very loudly 'trick or treating on her OWN with dp' her mum had the grace to look mortified.

I think some people are just thoughtless, either that or complete twats

I think the previous poster who said these things tend to be sorted by parents who are friends, rather then children who are friends IYSWIM.

Therefore, only the children of the parents' friends will be invited. The children may all be sat there hating each other , but the parents will be having a fab time in the kitchen with wine & bitching .

if you live in a village and are a single parent then i am afraid you will be shunned in case you
a) try and get off with the dads
b) infect the mothers with your affliction

Omg define what absolute Fuckers, good I hope te ground swallowed up that mother good and proper. Their dc showed her up, i would ave given the kids a few treats as its not their fault their mum is a rude fecker

Actually they woud not have gotten any treats, at 9 they were all in collaboration, and had te cheek to ask if your dd was in so they could rub her face in it!

This post makes me feel so guilty! I have three kids who all play well together and I find play dates so annoying and stressful to manage. Our home is tiny so if I do a play date we end up taking the extra child out instead of staying home. I can only fit one extra in the car so my other kids get grumpy about being ignored by the child with the guest. Also my daughter gets invited about 3 times a week to various only child families who like having her to occupy their kid. She is always a goodie goodie so no bother.

I offer to return play dates and try to occasionally, but I hate it so much. I can't keep up with all of them she has a crazy social life as it is. I do give money for planned outings, but often I hear the next day that they ate out and never know if I was meant to pay for that.

The families say they understand and don't expect tit for tat play dates... But I guess this thread shows I need to do more. :(

float - fuck 'em - you and your DS would be welcome here!

Hissy & Burberry & molding - in our village it's the married ones who need to be wary of each other - quite a few had or are having affairs with their friends' husbands they must be bloody desperate

facedontfit - glad you're enjoying the fucking swearing too

defineme - it's so hard to watch your child feeling left out, hope she had a good time with her dad

piglet - you sound like a good egg to me

flying - everyone most people hate playdates. If I had 3 kids I'd be on hard drugs not inviting any more kids over

to everyone for the empathy (and swearing!)

I've been reading lots of thread recently I've only just realised what ToTing is. In my head people have been tooting. WFT is that?

Selfish bastards OP. don't put razor blades in the apples Just give them those unbelievably sour sweets you get from the sweet shops. You know, the ones that make your face screw up like you're gurning!

No Yanbu at all. We had a phase of this. We had several friends of DD's (all lovely kids I might mention) that came over constantly to play, for sleepovers or to join us on days out. Dd is an only too and, like you, I try to be the "fun Bobby" (as they used to say in Friends!) because if we don't make an effort then she doesn't get those sort of experiences, just as you said.

In the end though we actually started not inviting certain children whose parents NEVER asked Dd back to do anything. In one case a child had been to our house 5 times (3 to sleepover) without a reciprocating invitation. I think that is taking the piss. Similarly with a little boy who came with us to all sorts of lovely events and never any invitation for Dd although the parents in this case would always say "Oh, we must invite minililacroses to our house or out with us sometime".

We laid low for a while and it sort of seemed to work. Certainly one of the parents seemed to click that we hadn't called in ages and without us actually confronting it she started to make more effort. Not in the other case though which is a shame because this little girl is lovely.
Very rude and annoying, I agree. Hope things change for you OP.

defineME, that is so horrible!! Your poor Dd! It's unreal that the whole party actually came to your house asking for treats after leaving her out. Wow, some people!

Not everyone looks at play dates on a tit-for-tat basis so I wouldn't worry if they say it's ok. Ds1's best mate comes to ours at least once a month for tea & in 3 years DS has yet to step foot in his friend's house! partly due to his parents work-schedules (fair enough) & partly because mum doesn't 'do' play dates (tight fucker) but he's a lovely boy & plays really well with ds1 & younger DC so I'm not fussed. Mind you I'm a childminder so fairly used to have extra children around without 'return favours'

Thanks bitpissed my dd6 has ASD and goes to special Autistic school, we don't get invited to people's houses , but always have people round. Never reciprocated . I know how it feels. A girl we have invited round a few times for playdates, saw photos on Facebook tat her mum put up of a recent playdates she had. Dd has never been invited. I give up

I know lila, the nerve of some eh

Dd is a Lovely gentle girl, she does have high anxiety and I would always go with her on a play date, but no invitees

You sound lovely Phoebe, I do feel as though Dd is lucky to have lovely friends that come over and they play nicely so I know what you mean. I don't expect an invitation like for like but I do think after 4 or 5 invites it's rude not to invite back.