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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sometimes wish I had a job outside the home

29 replies

crazykat · 31/10/2013 09:53

Just that really.

I have 4DC under six and they are my world along with DH. I am studying for my degree part time and trying to help my parents as much as I can a my dad works and my mum is terminally ill.

I know I'm very lucky to be able to stay at home and wouldn't really want to have to pay someone else to look after the DCs.

But bloomin heck they're hard work sometimes. DH is fantastic with them when he's home mostly the weekends as he works long hours in a physical job. It leaves me to do the housework and childcare which is fine as I'm the one home.

It's the endless round of school, cook, clean, wash, iron, shop, study that never ends that drives me nuts all to the tune or whining, crying, arguing (over toys).

OP posts:
ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 31/10/2013 09:55

Not unreasonable at all. But it's just human nature. There are days i'd love nothing more than to be at home with DD but then i think of the career i'd be giving up....

We all want what we don't have, until we get it.

Enjoy your kids. And remember every job has some drudge to it as well as the high spots.Brew

Tailtwister · 31/10/2013 10:08

YANBU. Being at home full time is very hard work, especially with 4 DC under 6!

I agree with ThinkAbout that you always hanker after what you don't have. Having been a SAHM and worked I think they both have their pros and cons.

FadBook · 31/10/2013 10:17

4DC under 6 you say? I'd be rocking up a corner half way through a bottle of gin Grin

You can have all the support you want from a DP/DH but it doesn't get away from the daily 'mundane' household tasks and that of 4 little people wanting a part of you - with probably little adult interaction or your mind being stimulated.

I was a SAHM for 12 months (mat leave) and a further 12 months working part time, but from home, so all the household and childcare was on me.

YADNBU for feeling the way you feel but I would strongly consider having some "me" time; a set time each week that you can be on your own, read a book, go for a coffee or a lie down. Being a SAHM is a 24/7 'job' and you need a break too; especially if you are looking after elderly parents too. Can you find a childminder or nursery for 1/2 day a week?

They say it on planes during an emergency situation:please put your own mask on before helping others If you don't look after yourself, you can't effectively help and support others.

CailinDana · 31/10/2013 10:53

Yanbu. One thing you can do right away is stop ironing. Total waste of time. Second thing - unless your dh works 24 hours a day 7 days a week there is no way you should be doing all the housework. Looking after 4 children and running a house while also studying part time is about as exhausting as it can get. It is far far easier to do even a physical job then come home to a cooked dinner, washing done etc. Your dh should be taking on his share of the burden.

Original poster
crazykat · 31/10/2013 11:58

DH does his share at the weekend and helps with the kids if he's home in time during the week. He's not the type that wants a meal on the table when he walks in.

I've looked into nursery even just for two mornings for the younger two would cost nearly £80 per week, way out of our budget. DD2 is three soon so will have 15 hours free after Christmas.

THB I'd be saying the opposite if I was working. Like Thinkabout says you always want what you don't have.

I love being at home and being there for all the firsts and helping them with reading that I didn't get to do with my mum as she had to work.

It's been on of those weeks where the baby has turned into a limpit, the two year old is jealous and the weather has been rubbish so I can't let kick them outside. Roll on January when DD2 starts nursery.

OP posts:
LoisWilkerson1 · 31/10/2013 14:00

Nope YANBU, I have to be a SAHM as DH works shifts and we have nobody to help with childcare, it does get like groundhog day, and I really miss the security of two incomes. I hate it when people say 'what do you do?' At least you can say you are a student!

Threetofour · 31/10/2013 14:05

I am in the same boat have 4 dc 6 and under, this week half term & ds1 has slap cheek so we can't leave the house, dh is out before they get up and back after bed I am slowly going insane!! Well done for studying though that is amazing no advice really just to say YANBU and you are certainly not the only one that feels like this !!

LoisWilkerson1 · 31/10/2013 14:11

It helps me sometimes to remember that when I look back, years from now, its unlikely that I will think 'I wish I had spent less time with the kids'! Although when the whinging is full pelt that's hard.... sorry about your mum op, are you getting to spend time with her?

Original poster
crazykat · 31/10/2013 22:26

Thanks Lois. I get to see her most school days as we walk past their door on the school run. I tend to call in for a few minutes when I've drops the older two at school as my mum get tired easily. We talk on the phone at least once a day too.

The lack of adult company is tough, even with friends living close they're in the same boat and have their own DCs and housework to sort.

Sometimes it feels like a merry-go-round that you can't get off!

OP posts:
blueshoes · 31/10/2013 22:47

Why have 4 children so close together? It was always going to be hard.

LoisWilkerson1 · 31/10/2013 23:17

Crazykat you would probably feel even more stressed working, you maybe just need a break,
Blueshoes- the number of kids is irrelevant, I only have two with a six year gap and feel the same as op! Its the daily grind and routine that's the issue, there is no escape if your at home.

Strumpetron · 31/10/2013 23:20

Many of my friends say 'I couldnt wait to get back to work, it's like time of compared to being at home'

You're not unreasonable at all!

Xmasbaby11 · 31/10/2013 23:21

Sounds really hard. I would personally need to work to get out of the house.

TheSnowFairy · 31/10/2013 23:46

Where do you get a chance to study? I work pt while my DCs are at school, then ferry them around / help with homework etc and in the evening I am knackered.

Am trying to see where I can fit it in - deadlines are looming Halloween Shock

kiwimumof2boys · 01/11/2013 04:17

YADNBU!
Wow 4 DC under 6, studying part time !
You deserve a medal. I have 3 under 6 and that is hard enough.
I totally understand the groundhog day feeling.
Not a lot I can say except I totally sympathise.
How long til you complete your qualification ? do you have a plan on what you are going to do when you finish ?
I handed in my final assignment last week ever for my post grad diploma last week (unless I flunk and I will be redoing it next year) and i cannot tell what a good feeling it is.

theoriginalandbestrookie · 01/11/2013 08:21

Your thread title is unreasonable, but you are not unreasonable to feel the strain occasionally with 4 DC and studying.

Strumpetron, if you honestly feel that working with 4 DC is easier than being at home then I can only think you haven't tried it ( note I haven't tried it myself Grin) . Sure if you can get to work fine, but what happens when they are sick, or childcare breaks down or they have different in service days.

Sorry OP I just get a bit teed off with posts that suggest that somehow going to work is easier with young children than it is being SAHM. I believe that both are hard work. If you want to wish for an easier life, then wish you were a man !

Howsuper · 01/11/2013 08:23

You're doing a wonderful thing for your kids and I'm sure doing a fabulous job...BUT I would hate it and go mad if I didn't have my career (I work FT), sorry!!

LittleRobots · 01/11/2013 08:26

I think going to work can be easier. For friends of mine they've said it is - but, and a huge but, they're ones with both sets of parents around doing childcare, or a nanny etc. In our case I'd love the mental stimulation of work and break from the children but as you say the childcare nightmare makes it that much harder and stressful.

lljkk · 01/11/2013 08:29

I went back to work so that I could see less of my kids. Grin

Hang in there OP, you will get some balance again eventually. It was 8 yrs for me.

Howsuper · 01/11/2013 08:30

My job is very full on and high powered (Wink) but I still maintain it's easier working than being at home.

pianodoodle · 01/11/2013 08:34

YANBU

We can't afford childcare either but I try to look at it as a good thing really, as they aren't little for long in the grand scheme of things.

In the meantime I do a bit of p/t teaching in the evenings and look forward to it although sometimes I feel like lying down when DH comes home rather than going out the front door!

I agree with whoever said ditch the ironing Grin

KeemaNaanAndCurryon · 01/11/2013 08:38

Not unreasonable at all. I love my children dearly, but the thought of doing nothing but deal with them and the housework is enough to make me go screaming to the hills.

Being out there and being 'me' rather than x's mum is worth its weight in gold. As is going to the loo alone, having a whole hour child free to eat my lunch and read a book and having people interested in me, rather than the kids.

Second screwing off some of the housework. No one wakes up one morning and wishes they'd ironed more.

Strumpetron · 01/11/2013 11:52

Strumpetron, if you honestly feel that working with 4 DC is easier than being at home then I can only think you haven't tried it ( note I haven't tried it myself ) . Sure if you can get to work fine, but what happens when they are sick, or childcare breaks down or they have different in service days

I'm just going off what my friends who are parents say, I value their opinions so if you haven't tried it yourself but they have I think ill stick with what they say if you don't mind Grin

And no-one mentioned sick days etc. I was just saying they're actually relieved to get back to work because being at home looking after the children is so hard.

oscarwilde · 01/11/2013 12:06

YANBU - I am relieved to go back to work after a childcare fail. It's lovely to spend time with my kids but the drudgery (to me at least) of all the rest of it is very wearing.
I work full-time but I do beat myself up as my mum was a SAHM and it will be very different experience for my children growing up. Not necessarily better or worse, just different. This thread is turning into a SAHM versus work derailment so I am trying not to go there.

I am sorry your Mum is so ill. Try to cut yourself some slack and play hooky on the housework a bit. I'm sure your DH does his fair share, but with a terminally ill parent, try to book some time out just for you and your Mum to spend some time with her, just the two of you. You'll never regret a dirty floor and some skipped baths.

4DC under 6 - RESPECT!

fanjofarrow · 01/11/2013 12:14

I have the utmost respect for any parent who stays at home to take care of kids full time. I wouldn't do it myself for all the tea in China - I'm 100% sure I'd end up jumping off a bridge.