This is my first AIBU post, so please be kind!
We have a 7 month old DS, who is an ivf baby that I had to convince OH to have. I went through the treatment twice and it wasn't easy. We just bought our first home which for me is a very important new start as we previously had a house burn down and lost everything. My ideal Christmas would be just the three of us in our new home together, bonding as a new family and relaxing. I work full time and have a self-employed job too, so holidays are the only time I have to reset.
My DF and DSF regularly travel the 3 hrs to see us, but pils have never visited us once in our 4 years together. Mil has an anxiety disorder (although I wasn't told until this summer) meaning she won't go out alone, she hasn't sought treatment for it. They live on a smallholding and have issues with hoarding, so their house is very dirty (think cat faeces/vomit left for weeks, piles of old furniture/papers/toys covered in cobwebs and dust from when OH was little, the odd dead animal covered in flies that the 6 cats bring in, not to mention the 'new' microwave OH used to warm DS's milk when he was just 5 weeks old, which has about an inch of encrusted food inside it. During our last visit to them mil promised they'd finally come to us next, but then promptly got a sheepdog puppy who can't go in a car or be left alone ever.
OH doesn't drive and we don't need a car, so I always have to hire one and do all the driving.
We last visited in September and paid a lot of money to rent a cottage because DS is about to crawl and I insisted on avoiding him eating cat poo or anything else lying around at mil's house.
OH constantly says he has no money, despite having earned over double what I do until very recently, (Yet I still paid half of all our bills) yet seems fine with spending cash on hire cars and holiday cottages. We've had no holidays anywhere other than to see pils since 4 months in to our relationship. I pay all the bills and I paid three times what he did towards our mortgage deposit too, so it annoys me that he now insists on blowing more money visiting pils who refuse to make the effort to come to us, even though we have a child.
When we see them, pil barely looks up from the tv and has to be asked to hold DS. I spend the whole time watching DS to make sure he's not putting poo in his mouth. I have to drive us everywhere. It's not how I want our first family xmas to be at all.
I tried to tell OH how I felt but he just yelled saying I don't understand what it's like for him. Considering he has no qualms about saying he hates my DF, I feel I do.
Am I unreasonable to expect to have some say in this without being made to feel like I'm a terrible mother? I've made so many concessions already, yet there's just no give and take whatsoever 