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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is dh - storming off

73 replies

TwoTribes · 28/10/2013 12:01

The storm hit last night about midnight. I was still up watching tv. Dh had gone to bed about an hour earlier.

Anyway, he appeared in the living room with a sleeping bag and asked me to turn the tv off because it was late. I said why don't you sleep on the airbed (we had one pre-prepared in ds's room).

He said, it's late I've got to get up for work tomorrow, so I repeated, well go and sleep on the airbed then. So he angrily grabbed his sleeping bag and stormed out of the room, shouting You fucking selfish cow, and slammed the door behind him as hard as he could Shock

He was obviously expecting me to stop watching my programme, and go up to sleep on the airbed so he could sleep on the sofa. I didn't see any reason why I should.

Who was BU?

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 28/10/2013 12:17

chin, she could have stayed up doing something that wouldn't keep him awake?

Wowserz129 · 28/10/2013 12:17

You were both being unreasonable. He should not have swore at you but really if he was going to have a better nights sleep on sofa then your actions were petty also. He had work the next day and it was already midnight, it was selfish to make such a fuss if the TV was keeping him up.

MrsGarlic · 28/10/2013 12:18

Was it the storm or the TV keeping him awake?

chinley · 28/10/2013 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 28/10/2013 12:20

Well, it would keep me awake, but perhaps that is because our house has quite bad sound proofing. I just assumed that was the issue - that he couldn't sleep.

I really see why, if your partner is struggling to sleep, you'd simply refuse to do anything to help, unless you were already rowing and therefore trying to be actively unpleasant.

Original poster
TwoTribes · 28/10/2013 12:22

The only person that yelled was him. I was talking to him and then when he flew off the handle and stormed off I didn't say anything at all. I just let him go.

The dcs didn't wake up then but ds woke later because water was dripping on him. He came down to me I said we would have to make up some other place for him to sleep. Then he said Dad's up I'll ask him. And I said, no, don't disturb dad and he said dad's up anyway. And he went back upstairs.

Then a few minutes later dh walked into the living room, turned on the light, walked through to the kitchen, got a bowl, walked back through the living room, turned the light off and went back upstairs, all without saying anything. I think he was still cross with me.

SilverApples no I didn't swear at him, I don't like swearing, that's why I'm shocked that he did this. I don't know why he didn't want the airbed, he didn't say. I will ask him later when he comes home from work.

OP posts:
HellonHeels · 28/10/2013 12:25

He didn't ask her to turn the TV off because it was keeping him awake!

He asked her to turn it off "because it was late"

Original poster
TwoTribes · 28/10/2013 12:27

The tv doesn't keep anyone awake if they are upstairs, it would only disturb him if he slept in the living room with it on.

I could have turned it off and gone up to sleep on the airbed but I didn't see why when he could also just go up and sleep on the airbed and instead of giving any reason he just did that.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 28/10/2013 12:29

He was being unreasonable because he could have slept on the airbed, and because he also seems to think that he can tell the OP what to do and expect obedience.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 28/10/2013 12:32

Hmm.

I can see I'm in the minority here, but if DH were watching TV, it would be perfectly audible upstairs and I would find it pretty rude if he kept me awake doing that. If that's not part of the issue then he is less excusable, but I've got to admit it would piss me off if I asked DH to turn the TV off and let me sleep, and he decided not to.

SGB, she actually does say he 'asked'. Not that he told her. I'm not excusing him shouting but I don't think she was particularly nice either.

fuzzpig · 28/10/2013 12:38

Was he refusing to sleep in the DCs room because that would mean he'd have to be 'on duty' with the DCs if they woke in the storm?

Original poster
TwoTribes · 28/10/2013 12:38

I was watching a programme on my own in the living room. He was sleeping upstairs. It was the storm that woke him, not the tv. He asked me to turn it off because he wanted to sleep on the sofa, so I said go and sleep on the airbed. So that I could carry on watching tv and he could sleep.

OP posts:
SeaSickSal · 28/10/2013 12:43

Is there a reason he couldn't use the air bed? Is he to tall for it or something?

pictish · 28/10/2013 12:45

He is bu. He just wants (and thinks he should get) his own way.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 28/10/2013 12:46

Fair enough, thanks for explaining.

YouTheCat · 28/10/2013 12:48

LRD - but that is in your house. OP doesn't live in your house and has stated that the tv on in the living room wouldn't be heard upstairs.

Original poster
TwoTribes · 28/10/2013 12:50

fuzzpig dcs are teenagers so don't need much looking after at night.

SeaSickSal he is tall, 6ft, but he sleeps on it when we go camping and has never complained before.

I'm going to have to speak with him when he gets home because I think calling me a selfish cow is bad enough without the door slamming too.

OP posts:
Beastofburden · 28/10/2013 12:51

What's confusing is, the way we hear this, there is literally no difference between the sofa and the airbed, and no disturbance from the television.

Which just doesn't explain why he called you "selfish".

He must think that there is a difference- for some reason he can't sleep as well on the airbed- or that the television is disturbing him. Which do you think it is?

Peachypossum · 28/10/2013 12:52

So he wanted you to stop watching the TV and go and lay awake on the airbed so that he could sleep on the sofa? even though there was no reason at all that he couldn't sleep on the airbed, he just thought his preference outweighed what you were doing and you should have meekly complied?

He is BU and I don't understand why you've had so much grief on this thread. I would have told my DH to jog on and I put up with some pretty heavy self entitlement from him!

fuzzpig · 28/10/2013 12:53

Ah sorry had assumed little ones.

CinnabarRed · 28/10/2013 12:57

The only way it makes sense is if there is, in fact, some explanation why he finds the airbed inferior to the sofa and you should have known what that explanation is and he had reason to think you were deliberately overlooking that explanation.

Absent all of those things - he was a twat.

ScarerAndFuckItsAGhost · 28/10/2013 13:00

He is being unreasonable.

If you have three floors to your house it's not going to be the TV on the ground floor that woke him two floors above in the loft. As you say, it was the noise of the storm in your loft conversion bedroom that bothered him.

Your children, on the middle floor, were able to sleep through both the storm and the TV one floor below.

Your DH had to come down two floors, passed the room with the empty air bed, to ask you to stop what you were doing and move because he would rather sleep on the sofa where you were sitting than the air bed which was vacant.

And then he called you names and slammed the door. It's definitely him being unreasonable there.

littlemisssarcastic · 28/10/2013 13:02

So your DH went to bed in your DS's room on the airbed. A while later, the storm woke him up, so he came downstairs to ask you to switch the tv off because he wanted to sleep on the sofa. You refused, so he called you selfish, slammed the doors and went back to your DS's room, where he couldn't sleep very well because as your DS said later 'Dad is already up'.
Your DH then got up, went into the kitchen, and returned upstairs without saying a word, which makes it sound like all of this happened during the night.

It is beginning to sound like your DH has spent most of the night awake, up and down the stairs.
I don't agree with the way he spoke to you btw. Was he tired? No excuse I know, but a tired person is not the most reasonable.

Did you get a good nights sleep OP, apart from when you were disturbed by your DS and your DH coming into the kitchen during the night?

Original poster
TwoTribes · 28/10/2013 13:02

beastofburden I don't know, I suppose he would have preferred the sofa. But he didn't say that he just said I was being selfish for not turning the tv off. I felt quite cross about it last night because I felt that I had been blamed for something unjustly.

Now I'm not so bothered but I think it's important to say something. It's not ok to talk me like that is it. I can't see what I did wrong.

OP posts:
cantthinkofagoodone · 28/10/2013 13:03

just sounds like he was tired and grumpy and you weren't budging. Chalk it up to that and move on!

I don't know how you can be bothered with drama over nothing.