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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this Mum was horrid and ruined a little girls birthday party

93 replies

WonderBarbara · 27/10/2013 21:10

We were at a party today, and the kids were playing happily on the bouncy castle, parents chilling and supervising. Suddenly, from what seemed out of no-where, one Mum, who had been watching the bouncy castle from the other side of the hall, came running up and shouted (and yes, I mean she actually shouted) "STOP IT, DON'T YOU DARE KICK HIM, HOW DARE YOU, YOU STUPID BOY!" We called for her DS, who was not crying at all and who otherwise seemed unharmed, and left with him without saying anything. She didn't even put her ds's shoes back on.

Now, the little boy who she had been shouting at did not have a parent who stayed at the party, and I felt so sorry for him. he stopped playing on the bouncy castle and went to play with some balloons and although he seemed happy, I just couldn't believe that another mum had just screamed a him public like that!

I asked my Dd what had actually happened (she had been on the bouncy castle) and she said that the boys had been playing a game and had been pushing each other down and standing and stamping on each other. Ok I admit no a very safe game, but surely this mum could have got the whole story before going crazy.

The Mum of the birthday girl was horrified and she went out after the Mum I assume to talk to her, but came back in shortly after and tried to act like nothing had happened. Most of the children left the bouncy castle, and a few of the children, including my DDs then came over and started being clingy, whereas before they had been fine. Most of the other parents, like me were shocked, and embarrassed. The atmosphere changed. The birthday girl from that moment on would not leave her mums side.

I just feel like this woman behaved abysmally really and I feel really unsettled about it. But then again, children being called stupid usually is enough to set me off......I wanted to give the poor little boy a hug.....

OP posts:

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 27/10/2013 21:44

killpeppa
I've reported your post

HarrietSchulenberg · 27/10/2013 21:45

I could understand a bellowed, "STOP", followed up by a telling off, but to call a child stupid is, well, stupid.
But we all react differently I suppose.

HappyHalloweenMollyHooper · 27/10/2013 21:47

Did anyone go to the little boy?

That must have been very scary for a 3/4yo.

mojojomo · 27/10/2013 21:48

OP- I'll bow out and not further derail your thread.
My point was about the shouting , not name calling. I think that shouting "stop" at 3/4yo children can be justified. Anyway as I said earlier, I didn't have to shout , I didn't call anyone any names, I was right there and lifted my child.

MrsOakenshield · 27/10/2013 21:51

sounds like an over-reaction, I might have shouted (depending on how far away I was) but it would have been more on the lines of 'whoa there, gently!'. 3/4 is very little, DD was at a party with children this age at the weekend with a bouncy castle and there was none of that going on, and I wouldn't have been best pleased if my DD was the one getting stamped (though there was always an adult by the one at this party).

Still, I'm sure it was all forgotten once the presents started to be opened!

PuntCuffin · 27/10/2013 21:53

Was she actually shouting at the other child, or maybe at her own, given that you say they were both kicking and stamping? It doesn't excuse name calling, but maybe she felt the behaviour she'd seen justified removing him from the party.

ArbitraryUsername · 27/10/2013 21:57

I don't have a problem with shouting in the context of trying to divert attention and prevent something from happening when you're across a room and can't get there in time. You shout because you need them to hear you (and presumably you are actually worried about broken bones etc).

But that isn't the same as shouting at another child and calling him names. You are shouting 'stop' or 'hey' or whatever to get the attention of all those involved. It's distraction. You aren't singling out one child and berating/insulting them. No matter how scared you are, name-calling is never appropriate.

NeverBetter · 27/10/2013 21:57

Something similar happened to me once. I regularly took DD aged 2 to a play group. It was the first time I had gone since having DD2 (about a week old). Whilst I was in strapping DD2 from her baby carrier, DD1 had wondered off. She and a little boy began fighting over a toy and she pushed him and he fell over. I was just putting DD2 back down to go deal with it, when the next thing I knew, the mother of the boy ran over to her DS, scooped him up and started screaming at DD and ranting at her.

The whole place fell into shocked silence and without a word I strapped DD2 back into her seat and got out if there as fast as I could and had a good cry in the car. I didn't go back to that playgroup for months. I can laugh now because her DS and my DD are at school together and he is a little rambunctious like most boys their age but she refuses to acknowledge this and blames the other children . She was just OTT PFB with him.

I've witnessed children doing dangerous things etc. but I've always been able to keep my composure and not scream but give a firm 'no' instead.

YANBU. I wonder how the mother of the little boy would feel if she'd known he was shouted at like that?

Mummyoftheyear · 27/10/2013 21:59

I would have given him
a hug. Poor little guy.

schmee · 27/10/2013 22:05

I bet the mother felt terrible for losing it, but it's understandable she did if she saw a child stamping on hers. The parent running the party should really have organised for someone to supervise the bouncy castle IMO.

Original poster

WonderBarbara · 27/10/2013 22:05

Yes neverbetter, I thought of how would his mum or dad felt if they knew about it, and I also wonder if the shouting mum would have responded that way if he did have a parent in the room. No adult as far as I knew went over to the boy she was shouting at, he just went to play ith some balloons and then was playing with another child. He seemed ok, but I really felt for him.

I am upset to see the offensive terms used on this thread though, I never meant for that. I genuinely was asking if this Mum had been horrid, or I was being precious. I wasn't inferring anything about her mental state.

OP posts:

Original poster

WonderBarbara · 27/10/2013 22:07

Yeah scheme, in hindsight there really should have been an adult focussing totally on the bouncy castle the whole time, as we were supervising it as parents, but in between chatting and walking around etc

OP posts:

killpeppa · 27/10/2013 22:08

sorry I offended you guys

it was my unappreciated sarcastic tone, I realise I did come across a bit of a dick.

didn't mean to come across quite so rude.

NeverBetter · 27/10/2013 22:11

I was absolutely seething and very shocked that anyone could speak to my DD like that, not least a stranger. It was totally uncalled for.

I know this wasn't a question posed in your op, but I've seen threads about at what age it's appropriate to leave DC at parties, and this scenario is just one reason I wouldn't leave mine at parties until they're a little older. I think it was very bad form for her to be so harsh on him, particularly as you say, he didn't have a parent with him at the time.

It probably was a massive overreaction on her part but it doesn't excuse it IMO.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 27/10/2013 22:11

Thanks for coming back to say so.

pixiepotter · 27/10/2013 22:16

but you didn't see what happened the mother did.It may be that the other child was gearing up to stamp or jump on the boy's neck.
Really the party girl's parents should have arranged effective , thorough supervision for the bouncy castle.That boy could have ended up with a broken neck .I am not surprised the mum was well pissed off.You expect the hosts to take their reponsibilities seriously.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 27/10/2013 22:18

Why was this 3-4 year left alone without a responsible adult for him, is my first reaction. My second why in a room full of parents left this boy alone after.

this mum was horrid, but I can't imagine every other adult in the building just letting this baby on his own after.

killpeppa · 27/10/2013 22:20

no problem

didn't want people to think I just posted to be a dick. sometimes my tone can be a bit harsh

ArbitraryUsername · 27/10/2013 22:21

Pixie: that still doesn't actually make it OK to call the other boy names. Even if you are worried about a broken neck, you don't have to reach for insults. 'No. No. No. No. No. You might break his neck' shouted across a room would be totally reasonable, but any adult should be embarrassed about shouting that a 3/4 year old is a 'stupid boy' across a room in any circumstances.

LEMisafucker · 27/10/2013 22:24

killpeppa - have some we all say the wrong thing sometimes, but i see this ALOT and i get quite upset that people still think its ok. You are not a dick though, i think its just considered OK to say, i challenge that often.

But lets not let that detract from the OP, that woman sounded like she was just a loud mouthed harriden. (the other mum, not the OP!)

SaucyJack · 27/10/2013 22:28

"Stupid boy" probably wasn't the gentlest or calmest thing she could've said, but not everyone is at their best when watching one child deliberately stamping on another child's face.

JumpingJackSprat · 27/10/2013 22:33

I agree with the woman. I don't think I would speed like that but if my kids was being kicked and stamped on etc on a bouncy castle I don't think id just stand by and let it happen. news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/kent/7389775.stm

moldingsunbeams · 27/10/2013 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

WonderBarbara · 27/10/2013 22:45

Forty Doors, some parents stayed, some parents went away, I guess it was just each to their own choice. Yes you are right that we should have gone to the little boy after, I d really regret that now, but like I said, he appeared to be ok and was playing, so I thought, ok, I'll jus leave him be.

I've had a good think about it now tbh, and my thoughts are this. My initial thought that the lady had ruined the little girls party, was perhaps a bit OTT. I would have thought it ruined the party if it was my Dd, but I am often easily unsettled. I still believe that she was totally unreasonable to call him stupid and say "how dare you" because I don't think that is an appropriate way to tell off a 4 year old and I still think she wouldn't have said this if his mum/dad was there.
However, your replies have made me consider that in light of the dangerous circumstances, maybe she did need to shout to get the boys to stop before she got over there, so yes I can now see how the shouting is justified. So maybe not as horrid as I thought, but still, didn't gain my respect at all. Thanks for helping me reflect on it.

OP posts:

cory · 28/10/2013 05:38

A little non-plussed by this. Plenty of other adults around when the atmosphere changed, so why didn't one of you wade in and explain to the children that the other mum was upset, tell them not to worry, that she was just frigthened because this could have been so very, very dangerous and then give a brisk but effective talk about never, never jumping on somebody?

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