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to be shocked by what my mil went through 60 years ago.

169 replies

NorthernLurker · 27/10/2013 13:58

Talking over lunch I have learnt that my mil was admitted to hospital with pneumonia aged 12 months. She then developed double pneumonia followed by measles, chicken pox and scarlet fever. She was in for a total of 6 months and was only discharged then because her parents couldn't stand anymore and removed her with the support of their GP.
In the whole of that time they never held her or spoke to her. They saw her about three times through a window. To find out how she was they had to travel in to the city and ask at a booth. For 6 weeks all they were told was that she was critical. It was a considerable advance when the hospital started posting status updates in the local paper and you could read about how ill your child was.

I knew this kind of thing happened but to hear it 'in the flesh' is just so shocking. Mil's parents clearly did an excellent job making up for this deprivation as she achieved well at school, became a nurse and an excellent parent and grandparent herself. She is one of the most empathetic people I know.

Thinking about what that litttle baby must have suffered though - just about blubbed all over the dinner table!

OP posts:
minouminou · 28/10/2013 23:10

This is all so heartbreaking. I guess they thought they were doing the best thing possible at the time.
I remember, as a 14-year-old in 1986, being pinned down to be anaesthetised for some bone surgery on my ankle. Just as I went under, I heard the nurse spitting "Oh, shut up!" really contemptuously. Again....a mask over my face. The weird thing is, all I was doing was making nervous little humming noises as I exhaled.

Scorpette · 29/10/2013 00:12

My Grandad got Polio when he was 12. He was in the isolation and rehabilitation unit for a whole year, and his parents did not visit him once, because they were deeply ashamed that he was a "cripple" (his right leg and foot withered and stayed the same size as a 12 yr old's). More than one nurse told him they wouldn't visit a cripple either and called him a poof, etc., when he cried when they didn't come to see him at Xmas. Doctors also told him to not expect 'normal people' to associate with him, that he'd never get a job, marry, or have children, and that he needed to consider the feelings of others who might be disgusted or alarmed by the sight of him. They were fucking wrong.

My Gran, his wife, lost a toddler in 1946, just before the NHS set up. She couldn't afford to pay to see someone urgently, and, despite him clearly being very ill, no-one would see him. He died in her arms as she ran, in her slippers in the snow, to a doctor who she had been told would see sick children for free. He would've died anyway, possibly even have died today, as it was the worst type of meningitis, but I can't imagine how doctors could refuse to see a dying child just because of money. I am passionately pro-NHS for many reasons, but this especially.

On a personal note, I remember not being allowed to see my parents when I had an operation when I was 3, and I don't remember being separated from my Mum for a fortnight after she had a terrible time giving birth to my brother, when I was nearly 4, and they wouldn't let children into the convalescent home, because it is a black hole in my memory. I actually remember people asking me, what did you do when Mummy was getting better, just days after she returned home, but also remember being scared that I couldn't recall a thing and denied that she had been away. Ishoos-aplenty over that.

BergholtStuttleyJohnson · 29/10/2013 07:16

These are just awful, so sad. I remember my Great grandmother telling me about her youngest child, all her siblings had had diphtheria and survived it, she got it age five and was being nursed by my great grandmother at home and improving but she was considered an infection risk to others (think my great grandfather hadn't had it) so had to admitted to hospital, the last time my great grandparents saw her was her screaming for her mother as she was taken off them. They left parcels at the hospital for her and gave her her Christmas present early but were not allowed to see her. She died just before Christmas and the nurse actually told my great grandparents that she believed she had lost the will to live. I'm crying just writing this. My great grandparents believe she would have lived if she'd been allowed to stay home.

Halfacent · 29/10/2013 07:44

I hope it still doesn't happen but as a child aged 7, I had to have a cyst removed on my temple. Every sodden night they'd screw each of my arms into metal straightjackets from shoulder to wrist so I couldn't pick at the stitches in my sleep! I was so scared. I also whimpered when, eventually, the stitches got taken out as it hurt. The nurse slapped me for it.

Chesntoots · 29/10/2013 07:46

I was in hospital in the early 80's and either my mum or dad stayed sat in a chair next to me at night. There was one very young girl (in a cot but not a baby) who didn't get any visitors in the month that I was there. My mum ended up playing with her and sitting her on my bed to read to her. Very sad.

Elfycat- the ward I was in had an isolation room on the end near the nurses room and a gorgeous dapple grey rocking horse in the playroom. I really wanted one when I came out!

ChasedByZombees · 29/10/2013 08:07

I felt so sad for my mum when she told me about my birth. It had been difficult and she had an emergency c section. I was taken away straight away to the nursery while she went off to recovery. Dad was sent home as it was beyond visiting hours. Mum asked repeatedly if she could see me and kept being fobbed off with 'later'. Dad arrived the next day to find mum sobbing - she'd not been allowed to see me and we'd been seperated for almost a whole day. God knows how she established breastfeeding after that by somehow she did.

ChasedByZombees · 29/10/2013 08:10

Bergholt, that's so terrible. :(

All of these stories are so sad.

Goldenhandshake · 29/10/2013 09:36

DH's Grandmother had a son aged 2 who went into hospital to be circumcised for medical purposes, he was given too much anaesthetic and died on the operating table. She was given a few pence for a cup of tea from the canteen, patted on the back and sent home! Shock This would have been approximately 50 years ago.

yeghoulsandlittledevils · 29/10/2013 12:06

When DD was in SCBU (31weeks) I was helped by a lovely elderly friend. She told me she herself had been born premature and very small at home. The (midwife or doctor?) had told her family to put her in a back room and leave her (to die). Instead, they put her on the kitchen table and kept the grange stoked to keep her warm. Against the odds she survived with no more medical care than the love and care of her extended family and caring community who rallied round to support them.

prettybird · 29/10/2013 12:26

I remember my dad - radiologist at a children's hospital from 1977 until her retired complaining that he was having to justify why children's hospitals were needed and that you couldn't just shove children into adults' wards.

He was ShockShock that other people in positions of authority couldn't see the difference - not just in terms of specialisms but also in the way that children need to be cared for emotionally.

minouminou · 29/10/2013 13:15

Goldenhandshake.......
What the bloody hell?!

I'm speechless.

Lovecat · 29/10/2013 17:48

yeghouls, my mum was born at 29 weeks at home, and my grandfather used to tell the story of the doctor walking downstairs drying his hands saying 'you won't keep this one, Mr xxx.' She was the size of a bag of sugar, apparently, but, like your friend, she survived without further medical care.

StrawberryGashes · 29/10/2013 19:12

I'm 25 and had my tonsels and adenoids removed at 4, my mother wasn't allowed in that day either and I went in to the operating theatre on my own, it was very scary and not that long ago either.

In the past newborn babies were operated on without any anesthetic as it was assumed they couldn't feel pain and their screams were just a reflex. Babies would die of shock on the operating table and up until the 1980s newborns were still operated on with just oxygen and muscle relaxers.

ajandjjmum · 29/10/2013 19:29

Wow Strawberry - you would have had your op at the same time as DS's first operations - and we were allowed to take him to theatre, and sleep with him (although at one hospital they weren't happy).

Halfacent - when DS had one op his arms were kept in (soft) splints for a couple of weeks, so that he didn't mess with the stitches. I don't think they do that now.

1944girl · 29/10/2013 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oldraver · 29/10/2013 22:25

My DH was born in 1958 and when he was six injured his knee which needed operating on but went sceptic and he spent a long time in hospital, they thought he wouldn't be able to walk at one point. His parents only visited once a week and he remembers being bought some chocolates which were promptly confiscated by the nurse and were going to be given to 'poor people'. DH said he later saw nurse scoffing them.

His family were very poor and could only afford th ebus fare once a week but I get the impression they were not encouraged to visit more often anyway

Thatballwasin · 29/10/2013 22:30

My DF had TB aged nine, he spent a year living in a hospital as this was before they knew how to treat it properly. One if the few times I saw him get upset was when he spoke (only once) about the boy in the next bed who didn't make it home Sad

MillyONaire · 29/10/2013 22:39

In the early 80's I had two spells in hospital for operations. I was in for a week each time. My parents visited once each week. I don't remember being bothered by it as there was a nice young nurse who was very kind to me. I do remember getting the anaesthetic but not being bothered by it. I saw a programme on Russia - made with Adi Roche so possibly Chernobyl area - a couple of years ago where the children had their tonsils removed while sitting in a chair (afair they were tied to the chair) with no anaesthetic. I can't get the image out of my head ever since but my mum told me her classmate had the same done in the late 50's here Shock

cory · 30/10/2013 17:39

Nothing as bad as the other stories on here (Sad), but when dd was admitted for undiagnosed ankle pains the consultant got it into his head that she was making it up and had probably been abused. The days we spent on the ward after that were not pleasant.

Basically, the medical team would come onto the ward in the morning, buzzle round the other beds and speak cheerfully to the patients, then huddle together and whisper, looking over their shoulders at us.

The other children got balloons and chocolates and presents but I was afraid to buy dd as much as a crisp packet because the doctor kept asking (in her hearing) what she was getting out of this.

Dd understood that they thought she was lying but didn't get why (the consultant's idea was that it was due to trauma from sexual abuse).

One of the junior doctors spoke up for us; I passed them in corridor and heard him trying to persuade the consultant to do some tests, but the consultant's mind was made up.

The next time dd went into the same hospital was for a knee operation and I bought her a big balloon and flowers and chocolates and anything else I could think of because I could.

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