to be shocked by what my mil went through 60 years ago.

[NorthernLurker]

Talking over lunch I have learnt that my mil was admitted to hospital with pneumonia aged 12 months. She then developed double pneumonia followed by measles, chicken pox and scarlet fever. She was in for a total of 6 months and was only discharged then because her parents couldn't stand anymore and removed her with the support of their GP.
In the whole of that time they never held her or spoke to her. They saw her about three times through a window. To find out how she was they had to travel in to the city and ask at a booth. For 6 weeks all they were told was that she was critical. It was a considerable advance when the hospital started posting status updates in the local paper and you could read about how ill your child was.

I knew this kind of thing happened but to hear it 'in the flesh' is just so shocking. Mil's parents clearly did an excellent job making up for this deprivation as she achieved well at school, became a nurse and an excellent parent and grandparent herself. She is one of the most empathetic people I know.

Thinking about what that litttle baby must have suffered though - just about blubbed all over the dinner table!

In1957, my Mother and Elder Brother traveled fro England to Singapore to join my Father who was serving in the RAF there.

This is an exert from his autobiography.

'They finally arrived, after a terrible journey on the 21st October 1957, flying by AirworksHermes, a charter firm, which had had a long delay at Karachi, due to mechanical faults.

On arrival, Gary had not been well and within 48 hours had been admitted to ChangiHospital with gastro enteritis.

We were not permitted to stay with him in those days,

And on the way to visit him on the 29th we stopped at the Cpls Club to telephone first to make sure we could, to be told to our absolute devastation, that Gary had died during the early morning.

This came as a complete shock, as we had not been given any indication that he was that ill.

We walked out to the road to find a taxi, and the shock most have showed on our faces as a passing Staff Car stopped to ask if we were OK, on explanation, the driver took us straight to the hospital.

We were taken to see his body for the last time, and then the
hospital made all the arrangements for his funeral.

I had never realised that it had been that horrific till my Father wrote that.

before the Bowlby research it was thought 'kinder' not to allow parental visits- because the child would protest each time the parent had to leave after a visit- if no visiting allowed, children were quieter and easier to manage- attachment theory suggesting they were in fact in a state of despair, it really does chill the blood. I had my tonsils out about 45 years ago- !- I remember my parents were allowed to visit but only briefly- I was very disgruntled at being put in a cot, and, very strangely, my Dad had to help me clean my teeth secretly as it wasn't allowed!
Interesting point about people having to be tough after living through war.

Clawd jesus that has just made me cry, how awful for them.

My DPs nan is in her nineties. She had a still birth, I dont think she saw the little one. She was also kept on a ward with other women and their babies. She told me she would hide under the covers and cry

I was always in the hospital in the 70s an d80s and tbh it was just visiting times you would see your parents and if likeme you lived far away and parents didnt drive you would maybe see them twice a week if I was lucky , I remember a child like thebody was talking about she was about 2 and her parents dumped her and never came back this was about 1982ish

Sinister, I was in a ward with Mums and Babies after my DS2 died, that was 1979, different hospital by the time I lost DD in 1991 and I was allowed home within hours.

When my dad died in 1984 my mum was advised to carry on as normal and not make a big deal of it, that children bounce back quickly and don't need special treatment. It took me until early adulthood to truly understand and process what happened, thank goodness there are organisations like Winston's Wish now.

My step sister's mum has severe mental health issues which resulted in her being hospitalised. My dad at the time 40 years ago was advised by the hospital to tell my sister her mother had died- that's advice my dad followed but as she grew up she found out it wasn't true. She's still going despite being hospitalised in an acute unit 40 years on and my sister sees her. It's amazing how attitudes towards mental health have changed.

I am 54 and have vivid memories of being held down in a chair with a gas mask held over my face. I was so traumatised by the experience that I can't have anything touch my face. When I gave to my daughter (now 21) I couldn't have gas and air because it was administered via a face mask. I have to attend a community dentist who can cope with all the problems I now have with going to the dentist. I need sedation for anything major, which means a long wait to attend a dental hospital.

Ps the gas mask was at the dentist.

My BIL had an operation for a whole in the heart when he was 2 so about 40yrs ago and his parents weren't allowed to visit on the day of the operation and only an hour a day after that.

My mum had an operation when she was 10yrs and one of her relatives had sent her a massive fruit arrangement. She never received it as the nurses stole it.

Pps - gave birth.

My dad fell off a wall and broke his hip when he was 7. He got no treatment at all and ended up with TB in the bone and having to have most of his hip removed. he was in hospital for over a year apparently with my gran only being about to afford to travel to visit him once in that time.

When he was well again, he was shipped off on a train, by himself at age 11, all the way from North Yorkshire, to live in The Lord Mayor Treloar Cripples Hospital and College in Alton, Hampshire, to train as a shoe maker as this was the only job considered suitable for a child so physically disabled. The local landed gentry paid for it apparently.

Again, my gran didn't visit him at all due to cost and I think he said he only came home once in the three years. Granny couldn't afford for him travel home or her to go to him.

My mum always used to say she thought he abused at the cripples hospital as he moaned a lot in his sleep and would kick out viciously in his sleep if she accidently brushed against him

He's been dead 10 years now, so I guess we will never really know what he went through.

We lost our son an hour after birth last year- I was told by an older member of DH family to appreciate that it's good that I could see him and have a funeral as in the old days 'they were told to throw them in the furnace before they were seen.'

The thought of my son being disregarded like that is horrendous although I do know many choose not to see their deceased child, attend the funeral or visit the grave - that of course is different as it's a decision they have made, not had it made for them.

I had my appendices (I'm sure that isn't the correct spelling) as a 10 year old about 43 years ago.

My memories are of some really lovely and caring nurses.

I was told I would be kept in over Xmas, I was so upset.

I tried to keep a brave face, but I imagine I wasn't too convincing as a nurse came over and gave me a great big hug as I started to sob. I still remember how much that meant to me now.

They were also really forgiving when I threw up on my bed clothes just minutes after they had been changed.

dont get me wrong the nursing staff when i was in were amazing we did have a matron on wards who would do bed inspections and what not though they were a bit dragony , I think childrens wards have changed for the better It was just the way things were done although as a result I didnt have a clse relationship with my mum I guess it is because i was always in and out of hospital the hospital i was in did get parent flats so she sometimes stayed but then she had my sister to look after too,

oh Shosha your posts are making me cry. so so sorry.

My friend's mum got pneumonia when she was little (maybe 4 or 5?) and had to be hospitalised for several weeks. Her parents never visited her. Her grandfather did visit a few times. She actually tried to run away from the hospital!

My grandmother spent 5 years in Great Ormond Street in the 20's. She saw her parents every 6 weeks, and her sister not at all in all that time.

Then years later, in the late 50's she was in hospital for a year. Her three children were allowed to wave to her through a window on Easter Sunday - they had no other contact

I'm mid thirties and was hospitalised several times as a child, I remember at about 4 or 5 being kept in for pneumonia and there only being occasional visits, and again at 11 being in traction and my parents visiting for a few hours every day. By the time my sister was also admitted for breathing problems when I was 12 or so (and she must have been 8) I know my mother stayed in with her.

Dd1 is 3 and has been kept in many times. I've always been given a bed and usually coslept with her except for when she was in HDU or very very sick. I cannot imagine leaving her. The two weeks she was in NICU and the first week she was unable to be held haunt me enough already.

I had teeth out under general anaesthetic 38 years ago when I was 6. My parents were only allowed to visit once. I remember loving the experience (probably why I became a nurse specialising in theatres. especially the bit about spitting clots - I was that kind of child. Oh and the wonderful rocking horse in the playroom.

There was an isolation room at the end of the ward with a little girl with severe burns in. I started doing little puppet shows on the window to entertain her. Because I was well the nurse got me to gown up and go in to talk to her. Obviously a progressive hospital.

As a nurse I've refused to operate on an 8 year old child that was told they were going to the zoo, when they were being brought in for a tonsillectomy. Sod the parents' rights to consent. There is a visiting theatres day the child had missed out on. We (surgeon, anaesthetist, nurse and recovery nurse) went and chatted to the little boy and told him why he was there and what the operation was for and explained he needed it done, but it was up to him if it happened this day. He decided he would go ahead with the operation, but he was very cross (understatement) with his parents.

Reading the stories above highlight why it was important to do what we did. Kids are people too!

Oh, and this must have been in the '60s.

"It was a considerable advance when the hospital started posting status updates in the local paper and you could read about how ill your child was."

That is where the term "critical list" comes from.

There are some heartbreaking tales on here. MIL's first baby 64 years ago was stillborn. She had been bleeding heavily all through her pregnancy and spent most of it in hospital. When her baby was due they must have realised that there was no heartbeat. She was given a GA and they got the baby out and took it away. She never saw it.

When DD was little she had some health issues that involved several stays in the local children's hospital. I got friendly with one of the wonderful volunteers who came round with the snack/newspaper trolley. She told me she had been in a fire as a child and had spent several months in the same hospital. She saw her parents once a week.

Thank goodness times have moved on. I know the nurses prefer it when parents stay as it reduces their workload considerably. There must have been more nurses back in the bad old days.

If your child is in ICU you are not allowed to stay with them overnight. Even if they are in a private room. DD1 had one so-called doctor who is the closest thing I will ever get to hating another human being in my life. I wish him every ill that can befall a person in this life and, if there is, the next as well for his mean-spiritedness, absence of compassion and cruelty. I hope he dies horribly and in agony, perferably alone.

We traded off nights, one person in a hard chair all night. She was not a baby, but a child old enough to be terrified of what was happening to her.

My great aunt had a baby with spina bifida and apparently the midwife put it into a different room in the house and just said to my grandmother and other great aunts, "don't let her see the baby." It was left to die.

Very different times.

When I was a child (1960s) children with CP were put into homes. I remember going to summer fetes at these homes to raise funds for their upkeep. This happened until at least the 1980s.