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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu - bloody H!

49 replies

Haggischucker · 27/10/2013 08:16

So I need to know some opinions before I totally go off on one when my (D) H wakes up!

Yesterday's plan was to go for a nice lunch, have some cocktails, check into hotel, DH go to a concert, me stop in hotel (hate concerts- totally fine with this) he would come back and possibly go to a club. We are mid thirties.

As I'm on codine (yes, I know shouldn't really be drinking either and I'm personally BU on myself with that) I crashed asleep at 7pm and woke up 1am. No husband, no answering phone or texts.

He staggers back in at 4am and thinks he has done nothing wrong as I was asleep. I take the sleep part on board but am just sooooo pissed off that he went alone to a club and didn't accept that I was unhappy about it!

I am totally fine with him going to concerts alone, he usually does go with friends but I remember visions of letchy old men alone in nightclubs from my younger days and worry that this could have been him?

The opinions I get here will influence how I handle situation when he wakes. I didn't post last night, was awake until he got in, as was red with rage, feel a little more balanced this morning but would appreciate feedback.

Thanks

OP posts:

littlewhitebag · 27/10/2013 08:19

Did he come back, find you asleep, then go out again or did he stay out without contacting you?

EmpireBiscuit · 27/10/2013 08:19

Did he try and contact you after the concert?

Doinmummy · 27/10/2013 08:20

Maybe your husband came back from the concert, saw you were asleep and didn't want to wake you, so went out on his own ?

Blissx · 27/10/2013 08:20

Think you should be more annoyed at yourself. What did you expect? That he would come back from the concert and sit in darkness, with you asleep, twiddling his thumbs? Think you are BU here. Just enjoy the lovely hotel breakfast time with your H this morning. Don't spoil it by arguing.

londonrach · 27/10/2013 08:22

How do you know he didnt come back as you were asleep.

ICameOnTheJitney · 27/10/2013 08:23

What Blissx said.

headlesslambrini · 27/10/2013 08:23

maybe he didn't want to wake you because you were in pain. If you have had trouble sleeping recently then I would be pissed at being woken up tbh.

Original poster

Haggischucker · 27/10/2013 08:24

I think that's what happened, he def came back as switched off TV and plugged my phone into charge too for me. I have lost perspective a little I guess. He enjoys going out but I'm really not that keen generally so worried about that too! Been together 14 years and married 6.

OP posts:

wheretoyougonow · 27/10/2013 08:28

He did come back and check on you. Like the other poster said, don't waste time this morning arguing. Enjoy the breakfast together and forget about it.

WholeNutt · 27/10/2013 08:29

I can understand why you might be irritated but plans changed when you crashed at 7pm. It was thoughtful of him to not wake you.

I'd let it go, ask if he had a nice time and spend the time together enjoying each other's company and the hotel facilities!

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 27/10/2013 08:29

A note would have been nice, but if you were to bring it up, you'd have the codeine cocktail mentioned.

Check him for lipstick and go to breakfast.

ithaka · 27/10/2013 08:31

It sounds quite sweet that he came back, saw you were sleeping and plugged your phone into charge & left without disturbing you.

Are there other issues, that you are annoyed, rather than touched, by his behaviour?

EmpireBiscuit · 27/10/2013 08:32

So, you knew he'd come back and saw you sleeping so went out again?

I don't see the problem, entirely your own fault for drinking alcohol when on strong painkillers.

littlewhitebag · 27/10/2013 08:34

You are the one being unreasonable for drinking on top of codeine. Your DH came back and checked on you, found you asleep then went out alone as you were unable to go with him. I see no problem.

Original poster

Haggischucker · 27/10/2013 08:34

Thanks guys, will let it drop and be nicer to him this morning.

He did try to apologise and have a cuddle last night but I was having none of it and gave him really cold shoulder and was planning to get up at first light, get a train home and be non contactable for the pre requisite 3 hours to see how it felt for him.

God, it's weird accepting YABU, I'm so usually right all the time ;)

OP posts:

Original poster

Haggischucker · 27/10/2013 08:41

No, no other issues as such ithaka with him. It's all me! I think now that I used last night to vent all my issues at him and frankly, I'm feeling like a wicked witch now! :(

Got a few things going off, not looking for sympathy or justification, but operation for said pain is this week, having some ongoing worky issues with a bitter and twisted colleague and in middle of a very fraught house sale where we don't have anywhere to move too as rental place fell through.

Yesterday was supposed to be a nice lunch (he paid as a treat) and a chance to get away from all the shit at home. I need to take my painkillers and grovel a bit I think! :(

OP posts:

BlackholesAndRevelations · 27/10/2013 08:41

Reckon you'd have been even more red with rage if he'd woken you up!

DropYourSword · 27/10/2013 08:42

I take don't think he needs to be "checked for lipstick" DTTYC!!
Can I just ask a couple of things...are you annoyed because he didn't wake you up to go out together. If so, are you usually good at being woken...I just ask because I'm TERRIBLE and people are petrified to do it!

kali110 · 27/10/2013 08:42

Yep def cant have a go at him.l would be pissed but wouldnt be his fault.
If your not used to drinking when on those painkillers you cant really have a go. He sounds sweet

MrsWolowitz · 27/10/2013 08:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 27/10/2013 08:47

Don't think he's done anything wrong. I think if anyone should apologise for scuppering the plans it should be you ( but you are having an op soon and are in pain)

Pinupgirl · 27/10/2013 08:49

Why would a mid thirties man want to go clubbing by himself?

happy2help · 27/10/2013 08:49

DO you have DCs, OP? If you're not in a rush to get back to DCs, I'd treat him to lunch and stay out as long as possible today to make the most of the time together.
Enjoy your day, and hope the op goes well -don't be too hard on yourself, you're in a lot of pain and under an immense amount of stress.

ilovesooty · 27/10/2013 08:51

Why shouldn't he? He came back to check on his wife who would have gone with him if she'd been awake.

Original poster

Haggischucker · 27/10/2013 08:53

I think I'm most annoyed as I just couldn't get hold of him for hours and that he went out clubbing alone. I'm not bothered that I didn't go, I'm not a clubbing fan.

I honestly think if he'd went out with a friend I would have been fine. I knew that I wouldn't be clubbing after falling asleep so early and yes, I'm a total nightmare when woken up!

OP posts:

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