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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu - bloody H!

49 replies

Haggischucker · 27/10/2013 08:16

So I need to know some opinions before I totally go off on one when my (D) H wakes up!

Yesterday's plan was to go for a nice lunch, have some cocktails, check into hotel, DH go to a concert, me stop in hotel (hate concerts- totally fine with this) he would come back and possibly go to a club. We are mid thirties.

As I'm on codine (yes, I know shouldn't really be drinking either and I'm personally BU on myself with that) I crashed asleep at 7pm and woke up 1am. No husband, no answering phone or texts.

He staggers back in at 4am and thinks he has done nothing wrong as I was asleep. I take the sleep part on board but am just sooooo pissed off that he went alone to a club and didn't accept that I was unhappy about it!

I am totally fine with him going to concerts alone, he usually does go with friends but I remember visions of letchy old men alone in nightclubs from my younger days and worry that this could have been him?

The opinions I get here will influence how I handle situation when he wakes. I didn't post last night, was awake until he got in, as was red with rage, feel a little more balanced this morning but would appreciate feedback.

Thanks

OP posts:

Pinupgirl · 27/10/2013 08:54

Well I wouldn't go clubbing by myself,would you? Its weird and the only men I know who would are those who are on the pull.

ilovesooty · 27/10/2013 08:57

Were you serious about visualising him as a leching old man in a club? Or did yousay that because you were really annoyed?

I take it his fidelity isn't in question?

ChippingInNeedsANYFUCKER · 27/10/2013 08:57

Pinupgirl - I was just going to ask that too... why would a married man, in his 30's, want to go to a club alone, in a strange city (where he wont just bump into mates) - other than to find drugs/young girls?

saintmerryweather · 27/10/2013 08:57

you sound like really hard work. were you really goi.g to.huff off home to teach him a lesson?

Mogz · 27/10/2013 08:58

Sometimes people do simply just like to go out to dance Pinup it's fun, there doesn't have to be an agenda.
Hope you're well rested this morning OP, enjoy your day.

ilovesooty · 27/10/2013 08:59

I know men older than that who've gone clubbing (very occasionally) without being on the pull. I did it myself at that age and older. I went to dance and enjoy the atmosphere. I wasn't on the pull either.

Blissx · 27/10/2013 09:05

I was just going to ask that too... why would a married man, in his 30's, want to go to a club alone, in a strange city (where he wont just bump into mates) - other than to find drugs/young girls?. Urm, to go dancing? The older you get, the less you care about being with mates all the time, like going to the cinema alone or restaurant alone.

Pinupgirl · 27/10/2013 09:05

I love dancing-I go to a dance class every week in fact. But I still think its weird for a 30 something old man to leave his wife asleep and go clubbing on his own.

Original poster

Haggischucker · 27/10/2013 09:07

Yup, I was going to flounce off back home in a huff! And yes, I am hard work sometimes, aren't we all.

I have no concerns with fidelity and am happy that he has seperate interests, he goes to concerts and gigs loads, reckon on average twice a week, and goes up and down country with it. I trust him totally and am glad he has a hobby that he enjoys.

The issue here for me is that he went clubbing alone. I'd hope that he wasn't the letchy man in the corner but who knows? I need to discuss that part reasonably with him when he wakes up.

OP posts:

LovesBeingHereAgain · 27/10/2013 09:08

I could happily go to club on my own.

Have a lively brekkie

SarahBumBarer · 27/10/2013 09:09

Ah come on - not everyone is the same. I have not been to a nightclub since I was 20 and never been to a rave, been to about 3 concerts in my life (one of those was the stock aitken and waterman freebie in the Ritzy nighclubs but I think that counts). But some people LOVE music - all music even dance music which makes me channel my granddad in a "call that music?" kind of way. The DH of a good friend of mine is like this. He would spend every last penny on music, owns his own decks etc and would think NOTHING of going to a nightclub on his own just for the music, a dance and hopefully a peek at the decks.

Blissx · 27/10/2013 09:10

Have a lively brekkie, now that's the spirit!

Pinupgirl · 27/10/2013 09:10

Really? I must be out of touch then. I wouldn't dream of going clubbing on my own and at nearly 40 it's a once a year activity-don't want to go to grab a granny nights thanks

KCumberSandwich · 27/10/2013 09:11

It sounds like he has been quite thoughtful- came back for you but didn't want to disturb your sleep so went out alone. be honest- would you really have felt like getting out of bed and going to a club if he'd woken you up.

tell him you'd have appreciated a note or a text to say where he was then move on and enjoy breakfast with him. he got a good night out, you got a sleep in a nice hotel bed- win win

SarahBumBarer · 27/10/2013 09:12

Haggis - you say that you are not so keen on going out as him. Presumably he knows this and had a fine line to tread when deciding whether you would prefer him to wake you or just go out leaving you to sleep. If he turned the TV on and moved around the room plugging in phone etc then it sounds as if he was perhaps testing the waters a bit - to see how deeply asleep you were.

Let's hope that when he wakes up he is not annoyed that you ruined a rare chance for the two of you to have a night out together doing something that he would perhaps have enjoyed sharing with you for once...

ilovesooty · 27/10/2013 09:23

I liked clubs now and again. Wouldn't dream of going to a dance class. The men I know who go to clubs perhaps once a year probably feel the same way. It's a one of night out for heaven's sake.

ilovesooty · 27/10/2013 09:24

One off... sorry

aderynlas · 27/10/2013 10:06

Haggis, you have so much going on and good luck with the operation and the move. Just enjoy your morning and take care driving home if this storm arrives.

Howsuper · 27/10/2013 10:18

I think you've both behaved rather bizarrely tbh.

If you are usually more in tune with each other (and more considerate and calm and loving and sane) - then just forget it.

If there are issues with drink, drugs, infidelity on either side then perhaps address that rather than what you are or aren't going to say about this particular incident.

Original poster

Haggischucker · 27/10/2013 11:16

Thanks for all the support and comments, just had breakfast and had a good chat about it all. I was being unreasonable and he accepts that going to a club alone was a bit weird! All is well in the haggis camp now, I'm so glad I listened to the advice here or it would have been a right rubbish day!

We generally don't have issues, just like a cocktails and wine. We rarely fight and are fairly in tune with each other.

I may even show him this thread :)

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 27/10/2013 11:18

Glad you've sorted it all out. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

whois · 27/10/2013 11:31

Yay OP glad you sorted things!

Locketjuice · 27/10/2013 11:37

Yabu

xCupidStuntx · 27/10/2013 11:44

I'd have no issue with the rest of the story at all, but I find the going clubbing alone (while mid thirties and married) really odd, sorry!!

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