It's a complicated relationship, mother and daughter (or can be). She sounds narcissistic eg "shes waited since I was a small child to show her the love and respect she deserves" (that's not your job! especially as a young child! Funny how, when they have a go at you, they swipe your entire life and being into the bin..). It was her job to show you the love and respect you deserve, not the other way around.
But... I'm wondering if she is fucked up by her own parenting (you suggest as much). If you've not had a good model, or not processed a poor model, you'll visit the same on your kids. It must have stung that her mother gave you what she herself should have had from her own mother. Just saying.
Yes she's a drama queen and it's all about her... but I wonder if she has and does love you, in her fucked up way. Narcissists don't slog for anyone else, only themselves. They advertise a version of the real deal but you don't have to look too closely to see that it's all an illusion ie nothing actually materialises for all the talk. It sounds like she did slog for you. But poor form to let you know. It's in the job description to slog for your kids, nothing especial about it.
Your dad is an adult and he can do something about their relationship - there's plenty of support and info on hand, it's not hard to find. So don't waste your sorrows on him (things are not necessarily what they appear, too). It may be that an old theme is being repeated ie it's all. her. fault. (to be thinking that your 'poor dad' has a rough deal with her would play into this) and she naturally kicks against this. She sounds like an emotionally impoverished sort, desperately looking for validation. Sounds like she looked to her own kids (not necessarily as fucked up as it sounds) but that's a huge mistake.
I wouldn't throw her out entirely. You may have to accept that she is a damaged sort and will never deliver the full goods.
OR she is a complete naricissist; in which case you're on a hiding to nothing. Have you had any therapy around this relationship?
I give my mum a wide berth these days but she's old and I couldn't cut her off (she is not a full-blown narcissist, 'only' a severely damaged individual who has and does love me in her fucked up way). She did the best she could with what she had and I am grateful for that. Her very fragile sense of self wouldn't be able to bear any suggestion that she hurt and damaged me, it would destroy her. I can honestly see (now!) that she pushed the boat out as far as she was able. I've learnt that I'm not going to get what I want (and never had) and I'm actually grateful for the crumbs. It was the best she could give. Mind, I've had acres of therapy around it all and I'm a grown up now so I have to make a life out of the square inch I was handed from my parents (ok, square foot then).