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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that cancer treatment is free in the uk?

35 replies

MadBannersAndCopPorn · 26/10/2013 09:35

I have a friend who has a very toxic relationship with a manipulative, controlling, fucker.The friend has basically been rinsed for all she had by this person slowly taking all her money.
She told me the other day that she has been dishing out considerable sums of money to pay for his cancer treatment Hmm He's with the nhs apparently and they wouldn't treat him straight away unless he paid.
He has done the classic 'you're lucky to be with me, no one else wants you, you fail miserably at everything and i'm thde one giving you all these chances to make it up to me, you owe me' etc

AIBU to think he's stringing her along re: the cancer treatment (maybe the whole cancer thing)?

How can I help her to take some positive action with regards to staying awy from him, he's made her scared and paranoid even to leave the house as he's threatened to kill her and make sure nobody believes her/ would want her. You get the gist....

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 26/10/2013 09:46

Cancer treatment is free in the UK. However you can get access to other drugs that NICE don't approve by paying for them.

He's probably trying it on given the background. But he might not be.

littlebillie · 26/10/2013 09:50

You can't be treated by NHS and pay for drugs he is lying tell her to get away!!! Few cases where this is the case in the press in last few years.

littlebillie · 26/10/2013 09:53

Ask her to find out what he is paying for and "pay them directly" there could be some VAT saving it is paid for a different way. I still think he is lying.

YellowDinosaur · 26/10/2013 09:56

Littlebillie you are wrong. This used to be the case but in the last couple of years has changed so you can pay to supplement your treatment with drugs that are not funded on the nhs.

I agree with the background he is probably lying but best have all the facts before calling him on it.

YellowDinosaur · 26/10/2013 09:56

Agree asking to pay directly is a good way to get round this though

PestoSpookissimos · 26/10/2013 09:58

He is lyng. DH had cancer, suggested paying for drugs privately if that would help, but was told no by the consultants. The costs involved are so eye-wateringly expensive, only multi-millionaires would ever be able to afford the treatments.

We stuck to the NHS. Had amazing treatment, but sadly passed away earlier this year Sad

cardibach · 26/10/2013 09:58

He's probably lying, but actually this is the least of her problems. The last paragraph is reason enough to get her away from him fast!

PeppiNephrine · 26/10/2013 10:01

If he's not an eu national and doesn't have the right visas he would be billed for treatment.

shewhowines · 26/10/2013 10:04

I'd be surprised if he even had cancer tbh, based on the rest of your post.

YellowDinosaur · 26/10/2013 10:05

Absolutely agree with cardibach though. Even if he if not lying on this issue he is an abusive cunt she would be better off without.

sashh · 26/10/2013 10:38

The NHS does not see you any quicker if you pay.

littlebillie · 26/10/2013 10:45

Yellow dinosaur I was thinking about tony Wilson who died because NHS wouldlnt let him pay. Great they will let you though most new drugs are £1000s per treatment. I am on an expensive cancer drug fortunately paid for by NHS but it couldn't afford the cost myself.

littlebillie · 26/10/2013 10:48

It sounds like the case that went through about the employer paying out thousands for an employee who needed cancer treatment. The employee was lying and was sentenced for fraud.

Nancy66 · 26/10/2013 11:10

he probably doesn't even have cancer. The 'I've got cancer' line is a favourite with fantasists

Original poster
MadBannersAndCopPorn · 26/10/2013 11:11

Thankyou for your replies. I know cancer is an emotive subject that has touched nearly everyone in some way. I'm hoping to hold fire and see if i can ask him exactly what his diagnosis is, how he is being treated etc to find out if he's lying about having cancer in the first place. (I hope to god he isn't- that's a whole new low)

Does anyone know any charities/ agencies I can put her towards?
What are the first steps in getting her to realise it's him being a complete and utter ass and stay away from him? I don't normally get involved like this but her family and friends from her country have all desserted her because she's with a man who is a different colour (if only they knew...)

I hope to God she's not on here- you know when alarm bells just ring and ring, I want to feel as if I.ve done all I can to help her but she needs to realise she's a victim and stay away from him

OP posts:
namechangingf123 · 26/10/2013 11:30

she could ring MacMillan and they could discuss her DP's cancer and the type of treatment/drugs he will be offered on the NHS.

However, I think she should ring the police and ask to speak to a Domestic Support/Abuse Officer. She needs a safe way out of that relationship.

LIZS · 26/10/2013 11:45

Think you're right to be sceptical . Does he have a right to free NHS treatment ? It is very unlikely that either he would receive treatment quicker if he paid as NHS treatment protocols are good or initially have to resort to non NHS licenced drugs. She sounds very vulnerable and he is taking advantage, if not blatantly lying.

Original poster
MadBannersAndCopPorn · 26/10/2013 12:09

He's born and bread here. Unemployed, so would be entitled to free medication no matter what the ailment. He's told her he's only got 2 years to live.

I might be a bit naive but I had no idea 'pretending to have cancer' was something people did, I suppose it's a massive control / guilt thing.

All I can do is try to find out more about what he's been saying and try to convince her he's rotten to the core

OP posts:
RobotLover68 · 26/10/2013 12:13

I might be a bit naive but I had no idea 'pretending to have cancer' was something people did, I suppose it's a massive control / guilt thing

Oh yes OP it happens - a friend of a friend got caught out lying about having cancer. This was because the mutual friend had 2 friends who had cancer (me and another lady) and from what we'd been talking about treatment, side effects etc. she thought it wasn't ringing true and challenged her on it - the woman was lying for attention

LIZS · 26/10/2013 12:14

It is also one which some people would prefer kept secret so he may be insisting that she doesn't tell others or get involved, conveniently. What symptoms and treatment is he supposed to have had and for what ?

Nancy66 · 26/10/2013 12:15

It would be very easy for your friend to find out if he's lying.
Ask who his consultant is. Where is he being treated? Ask to see the drugs. Offer to go with him to his chemo. Ask to see the leaflets/info sheets/charity packs they've given him.

If he has form for conning your friend then this will be another scam.

What cancer does he claim to have?

Original poster
MadBannersAndCopPorn · 26/10/2013 12:16

Sorry to drip-feed but it took her long enough to open up and swore me to secrecy about the situation, the last thing I want is for her to know i've posted about it all over the internet...

OP posts:
BillyBanter · 26/10/2013 12:24

What does she think her situation is? Not about the cancer so much but about her relationship?

Original poster
MadBannersAndCopPorn · 26/10/2013 12:25

He says he has prostate cancer and is embarrassed as it means he can't have a proper sex life with her. But has blamed her constantly for not becoming pregnant.

I dont know if prostate cancer has an effect on sex performance or fertility.

I only managed to find out about all of this as she burst into tears when i asked how she was upon bumping into her... she is by no means a close friend, just someone i know really.
I told her to contact me any time so may initiate a meeting with her to find out more

OP posts:
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