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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel that winning the lottery is the answer to all my prayers?

87 replies

Allthebees · 24/10/2013 20:29

I could stop working and I could spend more time with DD and DH and do something I love (learn languages, travel). I could see my parents for leisurely days out rather than only when I rely on them for childcare.

I wouldn't feel so runragged. I'd feel more engaged with friends and family because I'd have time to do so.

I wouldn't feel so shitty about my appearance because I could get a personal trainer, nutritionist, personal shopper.

We could have more babies because we could afford to give them a good start/university education.

Hate that this feels like the answer to my prayers.

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 25/10/2013 11:57

I'm talking a win of massive proportions here. Though if I won a smaller amount I'd still treat family.

WooWooOwl · 25/10/2013 13:13

Thinking about how much to give to family and friends is the bit that always has me stumped and makes the 'what will we do when we win the lottery' game stop being fun.

It would be SO hard to treat everyone fairly and help people without it causing issues somewhere, but if we won a huge amount then it feels like we'd be obliged to help.

I have close family that would really need the help (an aunt who has a lazy husband, three grown up and lazy children and three small grandchildren) and close family that are real strivers who don't actually need it, but would certainly benefit (an uncle who has two grown up children that have worked really hard to achieve in life and no grandchildren). Would they each get the same amount even though it would still leave them with very different living standards? Would it be based on each person in the family or on the family member that you're closest to?

What about when they live in very different areas where you could buy one a house for £100k, but to buy an identical house for another family member would cost £400k because of the areas each of them live?

Or what about when you have siblings with children that you want to help? Do you help each child that exists at the time of the win but not any that are born after, or do you make sure you put some money aside so that even if one sibling goes on to have a further six children you can still provide the same for them, meaning that you'd give the previous ones less? Is it fair to provide for your siblings children even when they have chosen to have different numbers of children, or should you just provide for your siblings and let them decide how to help their children.

It's a minefield, and I can see how a lottery win could destroy an extended family quite easily. The resentment that could build up from you trying to do a good thing would be awful.

ImperialFucker · 25/10/2013 13:39

I agree, WooWooOwl, though I still want to win it! In a big family you could have someone with a big mortgage, someone without a mortgage and someone who rents and gets HB. In a way, unless you could buy a property outright for the person with HB, it might not be worth doing anything for them, yet you can't do that if you're giving them all money.

I think it depends what you're trying to do. In your situation with the aunt with the lazy children and husband, I honestly wouldn't want to give them anything! Obviously I'd want to help her, but how can you do that without helping them? If they have always been like that, then even if, say, you buy her a car, she'd probably sell it and give them the money, or the next day her husband would be claiming it as his. And to confront them over their laziness would be too much, too - it would take the shine off the gift for your aunt if it was going to make her life more miserable!

In my (large extended) family we all have a different number of children - ranging from no children to several. I couldn't even go down the route of giving to so many children (and some more children are probably yet to come) and would give the money to my siblings to sort out for themselves. Even there, some would keep it all for themselves (fair enough) and others would give it all away to their kids and suffer later.

You're right - it's a problem!!

ImperialFucker · 25/10/2013 13:40

No good deed goes unpunished is the saying, I think!

Original poster

Allthebees · 25/10/2013 14:08

My dad reckons if he win big he'd only make out that he'd win a "small but substantial amount" like £200-300k so he could do a few treats for people but wouldn't ostracise him from normal social things (ie everyone expecting him to get the drinks/food bill in the pub/restaurant)...

OP posts:

Original poster

Allthebees · 25/10/2013 14:08

*won damn i and o being so close on iPhone

OP posts:

WooWooOwl · 25/10/2013 14:17

I agree, WooWooOwl, though I still want to win it!

I'd still want to win too! It's a problem, but not enough of one to make me tear up a winning ticket!

I would like to think I could make out that I'd won less than I had too, but that would still be difficult. I'm not sure I'd want to put a secret between myself and people who I have always been able to be honest and open with. It would mean lying to the people closest to you, and them maybe feeling guilty later on if one of them was having real financial difficulty and you couldn't help without admitting the lie.

Lies grow, even well intentioned ones, and if you said you won a smaller amount, how do you explain the luxury holiday you take two years after the win without lying even more?

People could be hurt if they find out the truth because you didn't trust them not to treat you differently, or they could be hurt that you didn't want to help them if they needed it.

Allegrogirl · 25/10/2013 14:24

YANBU. I'd love to give up my full time job in part time hours, not getting home to a 3 and 6 years old past 6 o'clock three nights a week. To be able to be available to my children and get involved with school, PTA activities, allow them to do after school activities etc. And yes to buying the time for head space. I feel exhausted and frazzled all the time. DH and I barely have the time or energy to speak and despite our best efforts it feels like chaos.

Desperate for foreign hols too!

Money doesn't buy happiness but I have the DH, friends, family and wonderful DCs. Money would give me chance to enjoy them more.

shewhowines · 25/10/2013 14:26

Ooh it is a problem. I can feel my stress levels rising already, just thinking about it.

It would have to be a really serious amount to think about giving away huge chunks of cash. The best bet would be to invest it all, and then think about using the interest to live on and/or help others.

A million doesn't go very far nowadays, you know...

SaucyJack · 25/10/2013 15:08

Oh YANBU!

Anybody who says otherwise has obviously never experienced the joys of living in a cahncil flat.

raisah · 25/10/2013 15:19

I would trade up to a larger house
Pay off the mortgages/debts of my family
Set up a fund for charity
Buy property for my dc & stick a big portion in trust funds for them
Travel
Work 3 days a week instead of 5 in a cafe!
Buy driving lessons
Buy a new car

but for moral/religious/ethical reasons I have never bought a ticket but it hasnt stopped me from dreaming!

trish5000 · 25/10/2013 15:25

Allthebees, you have got it all worked out haven't you?!

Seriously though, is it possible for you to cut your hours, to free up some times, as you seem quite desperate for time in particular.

trish5000 · 25/10/2013 15:26

oops. My computer or me missed some of the last posts.

Crinkle77 · 25/10/2013 16:28

It might solve all your financial woes but monet brings a whole host of other problems

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 25/10/2013 16:30

Agree. A lottery win would see most of us right.

BurlyShassey · 25/10/2013 18:42

being a fulltime lifelong carer to a fulltime lifelong disabled child means Ill NEVER be able to ''work'' and get wages to get a mortgage.

So. Id love to be able to buy a detatchd cottage in the countryside, away from all the feckers antisocial loud neighbours and noisy roads.

A car I don't have to worry abut 'will it pass the next MOT/service''?

bedroom tax for a boxroom.

able to put the heating on this winter without worrying where next penny is coming from.

proper private medical ids and help for us.

able to help others.

yes, a lottery win is the only option for us.

BurlyShassey · 25/10/2013 18:44

and even a weekend break a wev never had one in 13 years since dC WAS BORN DUE TO FINANCES. sorry, caps locked then, didn't mean to capital letter that bit!

maybe a new computer that I don't have to crank up!!

ImperialFucker · 25/10/2013 20:00

for you, BurlyShassey. (She is burly, isn't she?!)

Hope all goes well for you and your child.

CostaRicaToucan · 25/10/2013 20:50

Burly - may all your numbers come up tomorrow night !

Original poster

Allthebees · 26/10/2013 07:38

reminds everyone to buy ticket and to remember who reminded you when your numbers come up

OP posts:

littlemisssarcastic · 26/10/2013 09:32

If I won a substantial amount on the lottery, I would quietly pack up all of my most sentimental treasured possessions, take DD and disappear.
Away from all of my family and move hundreds, possibly thousands of miles away.
Once I had done that, I would pay for some seriously effective counselling.

I thought about this last night as I was going to sleep.
I am probably depressed right now though, so my logic may be skewed atm. OTOH, I think disappearing from everyone except DD would be the most sensible decision, depressed or not.

NotintheMiddle · 26/10/2013 10:36

Thank you - I saw this thread yesterday and though I should buy a ticket for once. I won £2.50

Also I played an instant win while I was doing it and won a tenner!

ImperialFucker · 26/10/2013 11:22

Littlemisssarcastic, can you do that anyway? Is there any way you could save up and emigrate?

littlemisssarcastic · 26/10/2013 14:52

Unfortunately, that's not possible ImperialFucker. I am in rent arrears and barely get by as it is. I am in a very low paid job, because it fits around DD.
Still, I have my health.

I'm just very low this weekend, and know that if I had a lottery win right now, it would alleviate a few problems I have. Money can solve some of my problems, I am sure of it.

frumpet · 26/10/2013 15:45

I have to admit to being a bit of a dreamer when it comes to the lottery which i have been playing unsuccessfully since it started . Recently i have come to the conclusion that rather than waiting for a win to make my life better , i need to grow up and make it better myself . I am still buying tickets because i could do a lot of good with the money if i won . My number one priority is sending a friend to the states to see if they can cure her cancer , there is no possession on the planet that could make me happier than seeing her see her children grow up .

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